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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can she really be that happy?

207 replies

neiljames77 · 06/10/2013 16:08

I am married with 2 kids. I work in a factory and a woman in the office has been flirting and suggestive with me. She has a husband and young family and appears to be really happy with her set up. She wants us to go out for a drink but I've just laughed it off and told her to behave herself. I'm asking on this site because the forum I usually go on is 99% male and you can take a guess at what their responses have been. I am asking what to do on here because I believe I'll get more sensible answers. What can I do to let her know that I'm not interested without offending her and why is she behaving like this if she seems so happy?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 19:32

No ? Oh well.

Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 19:35

Are people being deliberately dim here, or do they really not know how to behave in a mutually respectful relationship?

MrFlibblesVeryCrossWithYou · 13/10/2013 19:35

The one lesson you should have learned here Neil is never come on as a male!! NC to something female & ask from that perspective -that way, when the pack forms you're on the inside instead of letting this flock of harpies shred your personality.

Unfortunately a lot of people have spent so much time posting on these boards that they start to believe that they're in some way qualified to make the statements they make. Some of them have also been royally fucked over & that colours their outlook on relationships somewhat!!

Anyway, all's well that ends well!

Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 19:36

Also, Neil you should understand that not everyone is as sexist as the previous poster.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 19:37

How very tiresome you sound, MrF.

Has someone given you some advice you didn't agree with too ? Petulance is a very unattractive trait.

MrFlibblesVeryCrossWithYou · 13/10/2013 19:39
Grin
Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/10/2013 19:40

No, AnyFucker, I don't think it served any purpose at all. Nothing was going to happen.Nothing is still going to happen but now my wife is pissed off about someone I work with. Now you answer my point or scenario. If you were flirted with by a barman, would you go back to your table and tell your partner?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 13/10/2013 19:42

Your wife might be pissed off with your co-worker but she isn't pissed off with you. She knows that you are honest with her and she knows that she can trust you.

What's the problem?

AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 19:45

No, but if a barman flirted with me it wouldn't have the potential to stuff up my job. It would depend how far he went too. If he sneaked up behind me and made suggestive comments repeatedly I would have told him to fuck off myself. You didn't do that though, did you, with your "flirter". You felt inhibited because it happened in the workplace. Ergo, you should have told your wife, because something that could potentially affect your livelihood will affect her too.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 19:46

You sound like you have more regard for your co-workers feelings than you do your wife's. And have done all the way through this thread.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/10/2013 19:55

Wrong. It's not one or the other. I wanted to let the woman down at work without being rude or disrespectful and also didn't want to piss my wife off for no reason.
Also, if your partner was told by someone that the barman at the local has the hots for you and has been flirting, what are you going to say when he says, "why didn't you tell me?"

OP posts:
comingalongnicely · 13/10/2013 19:57

I think that he wanted to avoid what has now happened - his wife is now bothered about someone that he works with.

Simples.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 13/10/2013 20:11

It's ok, comingalongnicely. She does want to know which one it is but I don't believe she'll go round and confront her or ring my works. I pointed out that if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't dream of embarrassing her like that.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 20:42

It sounds like his wife is ok about it.

Where has "she isn't that bad about it" evolved into "she is bothered about someone at work" Hmm

You are still dissing her, neil. Or not refuting others who are.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 20:43

Cross post. I take it back, neil.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2013 20:44

My post of 20:42, that is

Chandra · 13/10/2013 20:48

Neil, you have done the right thing, you have told your wife, you were clear about your intentions (or lack of). You both had agreed on a plan of action.

There's no need to convince anyone here about anything. Switch mumsnet off. And go and have a good rest. Tge problem is solved. :-)

TheFabulousIdiot · 13/10/2013 21:52

I would still go on the Christmas do, if you wanted to that is.

CanadianJohn · 14/10/2013 06:29

Neil, you have to remember that debating with some posters on Mumsnet is like mud wrestling with a pig. You both get covered with mud—and the pig likes it.

Fairenuff · 14/10/2013 08:24

Yes, there is no reason for you not to go to the Christmas do.

You have told the woman you're not interested. You have told your wife that the woman is a pain.

Provided that you know for sure you are not going to 'accidentally' get involved in any way, then you should go if you want to.

This woman, or any other woman, can make a play for you if she wants, it doesn't mean that you will reciprocate. You are in charge of your own mind and body.

AnyFucker · 14/10/2013 08:36

Yes, John, Neil sites likes that mid, don't he ? Hmm

AnyFucker · 14/10/2013 08:36

Must preview

Neil sure likes that mud

Wheatus · 14/10/2013 09:35

I think you should leave the bastard.

Sunnysummer · 14/10/2013 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunnysummer · 14/10/2013 10:06

Oops, totally wrong thread! Will get removed BlushBlushBlushBlushBlush

Ps she's not that happy but agree that staying away is the best plan.