Can she really be that happy?

[neiljames77]

I am married with 2 kids. I work in a factory and a woman in the office has been flirting and suggestive with me. She has a husband and young family and appears to be really happy with her set up. She wants us to go out for a drink but I've just laughed it off and told her to behave herself. I'm asking on this site because the forum I usually go on is 99% male and you can take a guess at what their responses have been. I am asking what to do on here because I believe I'll get more sensible answers. What can I do to let her know that I'm not interested without offending her and why is she behaving like this if she seems so happy?

She hasn't had sex with anyone at work. I'm not "irresistible". My wife trusts me, she'd just be furious with this woman. I haven't made any sexual remarks back in response. This isn't some kind of ego trip as I prefer to stay out of the limelight.

Neil, you're fighting a losing battle, mate. The posters here have gone into pack lockdown and there's no way you're ever going to win. Sorry, this is how it goes on MN sometimes.

So if its not an. Ego trip why can't you just say no thanks?
Women have to do this all the time.

Annie he's ignored the advice given and just not acknowledged it or said he is going to put it into action.

The bunny-boiler is a very, very rare beast in RL (although in fiction and in popular imagination, they're ten-a-penny).

It is very unusual for a woman to be so pushy and harassing, especially if she is not a man's boss.

So unless she is demented, it is incredibly easy for most men to knock back most women without insulting or upsetting them, because we are socialised to not expect a positive response as an entitlement.

The fact that the OP is making such hard work of it arouses suspicion. It is not that hard for a man to knock a woman back without insulting or alienating her.

Neil, why can't you just say "no, thanks"? Why all the angst? Is it your workmates' response that you are more bothered about?

Neil is getting good advice here. The sugar coating might be missing, but it's good all the same.

Neil if you are the Good Guy you think you are (and we have no reason to believe otherwise apart from what you post here) then you will take it. Will you ?

So you're going to follow a course of action that no-one here has advised?

Okay. You do of course have every right to start a thread and follow none of the advice freely given.

Good luck.

Thanks Annie.
Viewer, the only cliche you haven't directed towards me is, "I bet he's got a tiny cock".
I only wanted to know the right words to say without making things awkward. I wasn't trying to garner sympathy or play the victim. I understand that women have had to and still are putting up with some real crap in the workplace.

Marmite77 was a nice guy too, but gone forever.

eh at small cocks???

the words are easy, "i'm married. you're making me uncomfortable. stop it".

hth.

Great! Tell her that and you'll get rid of her!

So do you feel you know the right words now NJ77?

As AnyFucker asks, are you going to go away and follow any of the advice?

You said you were going to carry on with the banter. What sort of banter? You haven't actually answered the questions about that. If any of it can be construed as a bit sexual, then it's an incredibly bad idea to continue it with someone who is interested in you but in whom you are not interested - because you will give them the erroneous idea that you are in fact interested. Are you not aware of that?

She may like small cocks viewer.

It's a high risk strategy, that one.

Thanks for the genuine advice.
Basil, I will follow the advice regarding saying "no, pack it in, I'm not interested", if she doesn't take the friendly stuff seriously. I won't go to HR though because she could lose her job. Before anyone says she deserves to lose her job, she has a husband and kids who've done nothing wrong.

I agree you shouldn't need to go to HR. If you do it properly, you can nip this in the bud right now.

You know what to do. You have been pussyfooting around until now. Time to man up.

Dear NeilJames77,

Just tell her to stop (yy, no, pack it in, I'm not interested), and repeat ad nauseam.

Best of luck,

WFF

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

She hasn't exactly trapped you in the men's toilets, has she?
Why would you report her to HR unless she's been unpleasant or you had specifically told her to stop it?

And continuing to laugh it off seems like a recipe to disaster.

I'd go to HR because I would not want her going to HR in a rebuffed huff and saying you were inappropriate...It happens, tread carefully, trying to keep things friendly can blow up in your face

But how "friendly" is the banter?

There's banter and banter isn't there and you haven't been very specific about what sort it is.

If it's a bit sexual, then continuing it will ensure that she thinks you're interested.

Or is it not sexual/ near the knuckle?

I've had a to deal with something like this recently. First off a nice ... Please don't contact me anymore I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. (He was only doing his through text on company mobiles)
After 2 more messages a .... I would like to get along with you in a strictly professional manner otherwise I'll have to report it.
I've had nothing since :)
I think the threat would be sufficient. It's not like she will tell anyone at work as she would be too embassered surely!

You don't need to hurt her feelings. As to offending her .... it's not offensive to say no.

Just comments about my backside etc or sneaking up behind me and whispering stuff. Nothing physical. No groping or anything like that.

Interesting. Is this woman in the office more senior to you op? or older?

OP the unfortunate thing is, there isn't much you can do that doesn't risk poisoning the atmosphere. That is why sexual harassment in the workplace is so insidious. Women have known and dealt with this for years.

With that in mind, why not just behave according to principle? Be respectful and honest and in a quiet moment tell her you're not interested in an extra marital affair, and you'd appreciate it if she stops flirting. I don't know what your respective levels of seniority are but if she's in a position to make your life difficult, I would get it logged with HR. I would say this to any woman.

I see why you don't want to tell your wife - but if the chat with the woman at work goes badly, you must.

Not senior to me and about 8 years younger.