Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can she really be that happy?

207 replies

neiljames77 · 06/10/2013 16:08

I am married with 2 kids. I work in a factory and a woman in the office has been flirting and suggestive with me. She has a husband and young family and appears to be really happy with her set up. She wants us to go out for a drink but I've just laughed it off and told her to behave herself. I'm asking on this site because the forum I usually go on is 99% male and you can take a guess at what their responses have been. I am asking what to do on here because I believe I'll get more sensible answers. What can I do to let her know that I'm not interested without offending her and why is she behaving like this if she seems so happy?

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 06/10/2013 18:59

'do you mean to be creepy and inappropriate?'

Meow75 · 06/10/2013 19:07

I agree with a PP on the first page.

Using words like "I can't meet you" suggests that if only your pesky wife wasn't in the way, you'd have a cosy old time together.

You must say things like "I don't want to" You don't have to refer to her or her life at all. Make it all about you, and then she can't possibly be offended, and if she is, she's a twerp. Oh wait, she's a twerp anyway.

LocoParentis · 06/10/2013 19:21

I would stop being friendly at all with her. Just be the bare minimum of polite with her and if she continues to ask you out for drinks etc I would say either no thank you or no thank you I'm going out with my wife that evening.
She's obviously without morals and doesn't care about hurting her own husband and children but isn't getting the message that you are not interested. I don't think you can get her to leave you alone any other way.
Good luck but if I was you I would think about telling your wife. She'll be hurt of it comes out in the future and you haven't told her

wordyBird · 06/10/2013 19:26

Sun 06-Oct-13 18:50:51 - If that's what is happening, it's not banter, and it's completely inappropriate.

That behaviour warrants a straight look, a professional voice, and something like 'I don't appreciate that, don't do it' as a first step.

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/10/2013 19:32

The next time she does anything. Stop dead. Fix her with a cold unsmiling stare. Say slowly. " what part of I'm not interested are you having trouble with? "
Then turn away and get on with your work.

rootypig · 06/10/2013 19:55

She's a grown up, OP, treat her like one. Your reticence is making me wonder what sort of attitude there is in your workplace to women who are not senior and eight years younger than you. Get on with it.

Shoesme84 · 10/10/2013 13:59

I'm male so here is my male perspective, tell her to fuck off and ignore her. Jesus wept.

JoanRanger · 10/10/2013 14:02

Don't worry about hurting her feelings –she's the one that's out of order. She has to deal with that, not you, as long as you've told her you're not interested.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 14:43

Interesting title btw, why do you actually give a fuck if she's happy or not....[hmmm]

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 10/10/2013 14:57

If none of the previous suggestions have worked for you, NJ77, imho, you should look her in the eye and say "use someone else". You need to put your flattered vanity away and realize it could very well flip around and cast you as the problem employee, not her...as has been previously stated.

If you feel your productivity has declined even a little because of her interactions with you, then you really do need to have a confidential chat with HR. Perhaps you could ask for protocols without naming names at first.

If you feel so hemmed in by the raunchy macho culture you seem to feel from your coworkers, then perhaps you could benefit from some professional counseling to resolve your seemingly low self-esteem that is preventing you from telling this hussy to bug off.

Dahlen · 10/10/2013 15:19

Her marriage, your marriage - completely irrelevant. What would you do if you were both single and you just didn't fancy her? Do that.

BellEndTent · 10/10/2013 16:09

Yes, women can fuck around even when they are completely happy at home. Just like men can.

LividofLondon · 10/10/2013 16:19

"You just tell her that you don't go for drinks with women other than your wife and mother"
I like this approach, it's diplomatic (he has to work with her so IMO it's best to be as gentle as possible) without going into lots of detail, and isn't too heavy.

Xales · 10/10/2013 17:27

Stop laughing at her comments. Comments about your butt and sneaking up behind you and whispering (I am assuming suggestive in some way) are sexual harassment.

We would not expect any woman to have to accept this and we should not expect any man to accept this either.

Next time she does it you need to stay calm and politely tell her that these comments are unwelcome and inappropriate.

Ensure you are never alone with her, keep a record of incidents and if she does it again you need to report her.

SweetSeraphim · 10/10/2013 19:44

I am astounded at some of the attitudes on this thread. Some of you are almost intimating that the OP asked for this unwelcome attention by virtue of him having a penis.

Unbelieveable.

Fairenuff · 10/10/2013 22:01

This is such a non-problem.

Just tell her you're not interested. It's really not that difficult.

Original poster
neiljames77 · 10/10/2013 22:29

Its all been sorted now. Thanks for all the genuine advice.

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 10/10/2013 22:39

How was it sorted?

Original poster
neiljames77 · 10/10/2013 22:56

I spoke to her in the car park. I told her that it seemed out of character for her to behave like that because she talks about her husband and kids quite a lot. It turns out that her husband treats her like crap and if it wasn't for work, she wouldn't even get out of the house. She is a really nice person which is why l didn't want to be too arsey about it with her. She apologised and said she would like to still be friends with me.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 10/10/2013 22:59

And, of course, you told her no, that would be inappropriate?

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 22:59

Ah, she isn't "that happy" then. Watch out that your white charger doesn't run away with you Hmm

Perhaps you should direct her to mumsnet relationships board ?

DanglingChillis · 10/10/2013 23:18

It is very very simple to make clear you are not interested without being rude. If she asks you out make up a previous engagement for you and your DW then say 'but we'd love to meet up with you and your DH some other night'.

And tell your wife there is a daft bint at work flirting, it's much more telling that you haven't told her. My husband bought another woman chocolates on Tuesday. How do I know? He told me! Why wasn't I worried? He told me (plus other reasons around trust).

Original poster
neiljames77 · 10/10/2013 23:58

There's nothing more needs to be done. Everybody's happy and no threats of hr were needed and its not inappropriate for me to have female friends as well as male.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 23:59

Saddle up !

< sigh >

Leavenheath · 11/10/2013 00:31

So this workmate has been touching you inappropriately and suggesting drinks outside of work, you didn't talk to your wife about it and said workmate is now saying my husband doesn't understand me and I'd like us to friends?

What could possibly go wrong eh?

I think your wife needs Mumsnet actually...or at least might do in 3 months time.