Can she really be that happy?

[neiljames77]

I am married with 2 kids. I work in a factory and a woman in the office has been flirting and suggestive with me. She has a husband and young family and appears to be really happy with her set up. She wants us to go out for a drink but I've just laughed it off and told her to behave herself. I'm asking on this site because the forum I usually go on is 99% male and you can take a guess at what their responses have been. I am asking what to do on here because I believe I'll get more sensible answers. What can I do to let her know that I'm not interested without offending her and why is she behaving like this if she seems so happy?

She's a work colleague, same as all the others.

All is well then.

i just think it's incredibly sad to think of building your life with someone, having children together, allegedly being on the same team for life and yet keeping things from them that you're happy to post on mumsnet.

what's the point of a life based on not trusting or being honest with each other?

maybe i'm immensely naive and being a single mum has coloured my view of the world but surely being 'with' someone means sharing stuff and having someone you can go to and say, 'blimey this is happening what do i do...' rather than needing to go on an internet forum to ask strangers?

i just don't get it.

and honestly the idea of building a life with a man who conducted this kind of shit in secret from me whilst sharing it with randoms on the internet makes me feel really bloody queasy.

it would feel like such a slap in the face to find this out.

I also find the idea of partners that would 'go after' someone for flirting a bit gung ho

My dh is a grown adult, he is perfectly capable of speaking up for himself and protecting himself from unwanted flirting. I would not for one moment feel I had to fight his battles for him.

And if it were the other way around and I told dh someone was coming on to me at work he would say something like 'I trust you put him right?' not go charging round to punch the bloke

likewise faire - the idea of being in an adult relationship with children involved with someone i don't even trust to behave vaguely rationally is repulsive to say the least.

if you don't trust your partner to behave like a sane human being then some random flirting with you is the least of your worries and you need to think about your children and what kind of model they're being set.

Totally agree, saf

Disclaimer: I'm much older than most posters, and I've been retired for 10 years. It's been at least 20 years since a woman flirted with me.

However, if it happened, I would just smile and say something like "well, that's nice, but you know, I am married" or something.

And I certainly wouldn't tell my belovéd wife. What good would it do?

And faire

SwallowedAfly, it was the right words I needed to say no to her without being disrespectful or condescending. Amongst the posts of, "just tell her to fuck off" and "wouldn't trust you an inch", the right answer was found. In hindsight, the thread title was wrong though. I was just surprised because it seemed out of character for her. I should have just titled it, "what should I say".

thing is i guess that your life, your wife's life, your childrens' life etc should come way above 'offending' some person at work.

"and honestly the idea of building a life with a man who conducted this kind of shit in secret from me whilst sharing it with randoms on the internet makes me feel really bloody queasy.

it would feel like such a slap in the face to find this out."

That's Mumsnet gone then.

why? i don't use mumsnet to go behind the backs of people i love. are you implying everyone else does?

So, are we all in agreement then that I'm a weak, secretive, nasty spiteful cheat with an unstable wife who isn't fit to look after our kids. I came on here to get some genuine advice. Didn't swear, be rude or insulting towards anyone and will leave feeling like I've walked a minefield. Once again, thank you to the helpful correspondents.

one of the people i'm closest to in real life is on mumsnet every day. it doesn't concern me because i have enough respect for them that i'd deal with issues face to face rather than on aibu ffs. the idea that actual blumming marriage should entail less respect and honesty than my friendships is awful.

what is the point?

what percentage of marriages are based on complete and utter bullshit if people think this is so normal?

no neil we're not and i'm not sure how you came to that conclusion.

we have no idea what she's like other than the fact you don't respect or trust her enough to share your life with her yet are happy to live with her and share the responsibility of raising human beings together

Strangely enough, Neil, if this does come back to haunt you, MN will be here to help you through it again

Probably some posters will say things you find difficult to accept

That's MN. If you don't like it, there are other online fora...

seriously i may be very, very naive but how the fuck do people climb into bed and sleep beside someone they keep secrets from each night?

i don't get it!

how can you feel comfortable sharing your bed and your life with someone you don't even feel comfortable sharing the basics of what is going on in your life with?

utterly weird.

I believe you wont follow it up, OP.

Problem is though when she feels lonely and upset by her DH, she might turn to you which of course as a friend is understandable. However, as a friend who has admitted to having feelings for you, this would be more awkward. Can you see where I am coming from?

I am sure she has no intention of hurting you. I imagine she's probably a very nice women who ordinarily would be embarrassed by her behaviour. But she's lonely and hurt and not in the best of relationships. It's just hard to support someone when you know they are physically attracted to you.

I don't think this means you shouldn't be friends. In fact, I think friends is a good thing. But make sure there is always that boundary there. You sympathise with her situation but it's not for you to get involved in, if you see what I mean.

Glad things are sorted now Neil.

They do exist, saf

I meant will as in follow up having just a friendship.

really AF? cos you don't see much sign of it on here. i find myself baffled and wondering if i grew up in a different culture and time somehow to my peers. because mine taught me that it wasn't worth it if it was based on bs but others of the same era and age group as me seem to be living by some weird set of 1950's values and aspirations that make no sense to me.

I'm curious about the sexual banter out of nowhere in the workplace. Is it a factory for packing rudely-shaped vegetables?

Saf, don't forget that this board tends to skew perceptions

Nobody really posts about every small act of affirmation in a marriage