The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

[Flojobunny]

I'm not sure what his current username is, but his old one is the same as his dating profile. Besides I'm sure there's not many users been banned from Tahiti by the king

[akaWisey]

I'm back from my cinema date and I can recommend Blue Jasmine.

[Flojobunny]

Never m

[Flojobunny]

Doh!

Nevermind the film. How was the date?

[ladygoingGaga]

wisely spill the beans, how was the date?

[akaWisey]

Ummm, well, awkward.

We didn't go for dinner (I cancelled) so that meant there wasn't opportunity to talk and afterward I drove back home .

I said I'd ring him in the week. I think he's a genuinely nice guy. But I'm not physically attracted to him. It might grow I guess.

[ladygoingGaga]

wisely shame! but if you don't remotely fancy him it's probably a non starter,same with me and fireman, he ticked most of the boxes, lovely bloke but just no desire to rip his clothes off there.

[akaWisey]

I think part of the 'problem', as it were, is he has the same christian name as my ex. It's a mere detail I know. But…..

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

I agree with Bant that cinema first date is probably a bit, unhelpful. I go to cinema or theatre by myself quite happily but it's not an easy place to get to know someone.

Rubbish family- don't beat yourself up!! It happens!

I have an, interesting conundrum. I received an anonymous Whatsapp message the other night- asking about my lady parts? (They used a more explicit word!) I don't recognise the phone number, small chance it could be a mate messing around but I've ruled out most of the possibilities.....but 2 online dating ppl got my number this week. It's not from either of their numbers, but I'm wondering if one of them may have friends in the pub who would think it was funny?

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

Ps... brokenhearted, the test thing eating something?? Honestly I'd be slightly concerned he might be trying to drug me! Very weird and would not be impressed.

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

The eating test in the date really bothers me. It's what my dad would do (extremely EA) and also pretty much what this twathead boot neck did to me on a date years back - and he made me cry over it . I may be projecting slightly but I think it's a massive red flag.

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

Yep red flags a gogo broken

I have got very strict about what I can accept from men. I think it's because I am starting to recover from a very nasty EA marriage. My strictness means I am still alone but at least I'm not dealing with any bullshit after I have made some emotional investment. There have been some good mn threads about early red flags in the past. Think I might start a new one for reference

[unBant]

Broken - the food guy sounds like an unpleasantly controlling arse. Next he'd be telling you what to wear for the date, what you're allowed to watch on TV, and who you can be friends with.

Personally, I like to cook for someone I'm seeing, and I like to do things like spag Bol, chicken tikka, Sunday roast etc, so I tend to not date vegetarians as I think eating together is a shared experience which I enjoy. But testing whether someone is right for me on a date by insisting they eat something I've cooked? That's just all kinds of weird.

You could toy with him by saying you'll eat his test food but only on condition he wears faded denim jeans, doc martins, a purple shirt and a fedora on the date. Cos you have this hypothesis, you see...

[akaWisey]

A test? YY, very controlling and NOT a 'nice guy'.

[akaWisey]

Having said that I'm meeting a first date, 'events guy' this afternoon for coffee. I asked him to bring me a sample of the caramelised red onion and chilli jam he's making. But that's different .

[unBant]

Ah, I believe shakespeare wrote something about star crossed lovers not being blessed by cupid's arrow because one of them didn't like tesco value tiramisu.

I didn't realise you'd actually met this guy, I thought he was just someone you were chatting to..

[bigstrongmama]

The world of internet dating does seem to contain a disproportionate number of arses.

I'm just checking in to say the online guy I met nearly 3 months ago was lovely from the start and though I was deeply suspicious, so far he has only got lovelier! Officially my boyf now!

I followed the mumsnet dating rules (where've they gone?!)...my favourite one being 'you are the prize' - broken you'd never make your prize feel like they might be dumped for not loving your fave type of food! Think you've had a lucky escape.

The phrase 'errrrr no, that's weird' is useful for any and all tests

[Bant]

Oh yeah, here they are:

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

[niceupthedance]

Broken it sounds like he knew he was going to act like a dick from the start, maybe he was trying to justify his lack of intent with the 'it'll never work' guff.

Going to jump in here for a bit I think. Had to ditch my shag buddy of 8 months on Friday as he was becoming too happy with just living in my phone/sexting and not actually seeing me. Bit gutted as he was super hot.

Sooo, I have a date on Saturday with a colleague from 20 years ago. I was really into him back then but he had a girlfriend. Also got my second ever OD with someone in a couple of weeks, he seems funny but I get SO nervous when meeting people in this kind of situation. Any tips for not going bright red and stammering a lot?

[Bant]

broken - does it really matter? Either he's not ready to date, which is his problem, or he's just a control freak, which is also his problem.

I don't think it's a case of 'trying to be kind' - and even if it is, then he probably has ishoos. Who would meet someone they don't think they're likely to want to date, and set obstacles for them in the hope they fail them, just because they're trying to be kind?

The point though, is no matter what, he's not right for you, not good enough for you, and possibly not good enough for anyone except some fantasy woman who likes eating Asda Chocolate Sponge on her pedestal, so disengage and move on to the next one who will be better for you, or at least more normal.

Don't overthink the failures, it is their problem, not yours.