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Original poster

I feel so bad about missing my sister's wedding

159 replies

dinny · 27/06/2006 14:16

Basically, she is getting married in Sardinia in September and I just can't go as I am absolutely terrified of flying. It is also my dh's really hectic time at work so impossible for him to take any more than a day off, really. And it is also dd's first week in reception too. They were originally going to get married in London but changed location last month. I feel so awful that will miss it. Am I an awful sister? She is pretty upset with me.

ps she did suggest I come by land and sea but I'm not a confident traveller by self - it would take over 24 hours, plus I don't want to be that far away from kids, time-wise.

OP posts:
geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 14:18

well, I don't think she's got any right to be upset with you. If she was that bothered about you attending, presuming she knows about your fear of flying and your dd starting reception, she should have gone for a venue & date that's more accomodating.
I don't think you're being horrible at all. It's a shame you can't attend, but it's out of your control.

Bozza · 27/06/2006 14:18

No you are not awful. She has not considered you at all by changing at this point in time. It might have been feasible if she had chosen to go in summer before DD was at school. But she has made her decisions and you have made yours.

SSSandy · 27/06/2006 14:19

dinny, I really think you have to go by boat and train then. Isn't anyone else going that could travel with you?

geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 14:19

oh, just saw the bit about going by land and sea - FFS, to Sardinia, for a short event, when you've got small children? I think she's taking the proverbial...

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:20

just feel so pathetic that I won't get on plane. but she knows how scared I am of flying (and she's nearly as bad as me but has to fly for work).

it's really getting me down, tbh. mainly because it seems a huge thing to miss your sister's wedding.

OP posts:
waterfalls · 27/06/2006 14:21

I think the first couple of weeks when starting reception is the most important, this is when they are taught routine (what goes where etc) it is also the most likely time children form friendships, I dont blame you for not going

waterfalls · 27/06/2006 14:21

I think the first couple of weeks when starting reception is the most important, this is when they are taught routine (what goes where etc) it is also the most likely time children form friendships, I dont blame you for not going

Bozza · 27/06/2006 14:22

TBH even if you weren't scared of flying would you really want to miss your DD's first week at school?

dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:22

You're not horrible and she shouldn't make you feel guilty for you not being able to attend. You can't keep your child out of school and to suggest you go by land and sea is just preposterous. Sorry.

dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:23

Dinny, have you ever flown before?

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:23

no, but I would probably fly out the night before then back the day after (leave kids and dh here)

BUT, as I think I said, to make it more complicated, dh is really busy at work in Sept so would mean him taking time off to look after kids.

but, no, I don't want dd to miss reception anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:25

yes, lots, Dublindee (I'm from an island plus used to fly to and from Belfast a lot as at uni there) I started being scared of flying at 22, after a car crash ( ???)

OP posts:
dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:32

I hate flying too but I find if I keep myself preoccupied during take off and landing, I'm grand. Once I'm not at a window sit I pretend I'm on a big bus so if there's turbulence - it's potholes. i'm Irish and I'm used to them!!
Plus you're 40 times more likely to have a car accident than an air accident.

Do you drive?

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:36

I'm so bad that I have failed to get on fights I have booked and gone by coach instead. I just can't get on plane!

yes, I drive bt not on motorways (had crash on m'way)

OP posts:
moondog · 27/06/2006 14:38

Dinny,go by sea.
God I would love a few days alone without the children and dh.
It will be fun!

dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:41

Sorry dinny I'm afraid I have to back-track then.
If you had the accident on the road and you are driving still then (putting myself in your sis's shoes) I'd be mightily pee'd off if you wouldn't fly out for my wedding.

Is there no-one your children could stay with while you are away?

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:41

but dh can't take time off at that time of year.... oh, piss-pots. am also still bfing ds.

OP posts:
moondog · 27/06/2006 14:42

Why can't he take time off?
A family wedding is right up there when it comes to priorities Dinny....

Bozza · 27/06/2006 14:43

Obviously then if you do decide to go you would have to take DS with you.

dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:44

So ask a friend to step in and look after the kids and start building up a supply of ebm so this won't upset your ds?

If you really want to attend your sister's wedding you'll find a way to go.
If you feel uncomfortable about being there (for whatever reason - or maybe I'm getting the totally wrong vibe) you'll find reasons not to.

geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 14:44

I don't think a phobia can be rationalised like that, dublindee.
Dinny, I still think your sister is being a cheeky mare - do what feels right to you. Can't believe she's making such a fuss over what's in all reality just a few hours. Go out for a nice meal with them when they're back or something.

fairyjay · 27/06/2006 14:45

When your dd was starting school moondog? It's unfortunate, but I think it's unfair for your sister to put pressure on, because she made it difficult for you in terms of both time and location.

Normsnockers · 27/06/2006 14:45

Message withdrawn

dublindee · 27/06/2006 14:47

geek - I'm afraid of flying too, I know how she feels. BUT - if I don't want to spend half my life on Irish Ferries or Stena - to see my family it's a necessary evil. If you want to do something badly enough you WILL find a way!

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 14:48

Moondog, he would have been able if we'd known sooner, it was going to be in London until last month (he is self-employed)

Dublindee - I won't get on plane, it is a phobia, different from being a bit scared, IMO.

but thanks for your ops, v helpful in trying to sort it out

OP posts: