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Original poster

I feel so bad about missing my sister's wedding

159 replies

dinny · 27/06/2006 14:16

Basically, she is getting married in Sardinia in September and I just can't go as I am absolutely terrified of flying. It is also my dh's really hectic time at work so impossible for him to take any more than a day off, really. And it is also dd's first week in reception too. They were originally going to get married in London but changed location last month. I feel so awful that will miss it. Am I an awful sister? She is pretty upset with me.

ps she did suggest I come by land and sea but I'm not a confident traveller by self - it would take over 24 hours, plus I don't want to be that far away from kids, time-wise.

OP posts:
geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 18:05

crikey stitch how selfish can you get?

Quote:
"my sis had to study for third year medicine exams that were resits in the run up to my wedding. if she failed them, she would have been kicked out of medical school, i would never have forgiven her if she didnt participate fully in every part of my wedding."

stitch · 27/06/2006 18:06

sorry, meant dont value,

do ywhat you have to do dinny. good luck with whatever you decide to do.

interstella · 27/06/2006 18:08

I would certinly put my childs needs before a wedding, you have no idea how your child will react to starting school(even if they have been in full time day care),i dont think many friends would think too highly of being asked to escort a child on their 1st day of school.Stich your relationship with your sister sounds idyllic,but i doubt there are many who have this with their sister,i missed my child starting reception as i was very ill in hospital,sorry kids come first.Any sibling worth their salt would not think badly to you not turning up.If there was someone who i felt it was crucial to have at my wedding then i would take their circumstances into consideration,not make it as difficult as poss.

skerriesmum · 27/06/2006 18:09

Is the rest of your family going? What do they think about her changing the venue? Seems a bit silly to me, if family is important then why not have it at a place convenient for them so they can all attend at less cost and bother.

stitch · 27/06/2006 18:09

geekgirl, it wasnt selfish at all.
she chose to fail her exams by not studying. not attending the wedding would have been unbelievably selfish on her part, (this is my relationship i amd talking about, not dinny's) she could and did manage to do both, study for her exams and attend the wedding. all she needed was the incentive.
a wedding is a once in a lifetime event.

Kathy1972 · 27/06/2006 18:10

"my sis had to study for third year medicine exams that were resits in the run up to my wedding. if she failed them, she would have been kicked out of medical school, i would never have forgiven her if she didnt participate fully in every part of my wedding."

God, sisters are weird. Glad I've only got brothers.

geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 18:11

I guess it depends on how important weddings are to you... you know, how some people are happy to have something low key (we spent £50 in total) and others spend tens of thousands of pounds.
I think there are far more important times and events in a lifetime.

quanglewangle · 27/06/2006 18:11

Agree 100% with Blu.
Disagree with Stitch.

stitch · 27/06/2006 18:12

inter, my relationship with my sister is far far from perfect.
but, i know what is important to me in life. and my sisters are all very important to me. i value them, and they know it. and they value me as well. and i know it.
but this is dinny's thread, so it shouldnt be hijacked.

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 18:15

Skerriesmum, no, both grandmas are too infirm (though they had planned to come to London, cousins all have kids in school, so not sure) Mum and Dad planning to go but my dad is pretty unwell so they may not be able to travel.

think it is my sister's partner who is keen on Sardinia. they have had an extremely volatile relationship and my sister has confided in me so I unfortunately know what a bastard he has been to her

OP posts:
FioFio · 27/06/2006 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 18:17

dinny, this is getting worse and worse. Why, why, why would anyone in their sane mind arrange a wedding so far away when most of the close relatives are either unable to travel or could only do it with great difficulty? TBH her husband-to-be sounds like an arse.

stitch · 27/06/2006 18:17

two camps her it seems.

what is important is not perhaps the wedding as such, but what that symbolises. a wedding that cost fifty pounds and one that costs ten's of thousands are completley equal in my eyes. two people telling society that they are going to live their lives togehter, set up home, have children together etc etc. at such a time, it is nice to have people you love around you.

had my sister failed her exams, i would never have forgiven myself. but she didnt, so i can say what it did, iyswim. i was angry at her for failing coz she didnt revise. not because it was something out of her control.
but this is dinny's thread, not mine.

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 18:18

because it's what he want, I think, Geekgirl. at least that's what I am presuming..

OP posts:
skerriesmum · 27/06/2006 18:19

Oh God, should they be getting married at all?! Not a good sign if he's strong-arming her into having a wedding away from her family.

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 18:20

I know, but what do you do? Want to go to support her but the fact I can't get n frigging plane complicates things so much!

OP posts:
stitch · 27/06/2006 18:20

all the more reason she needs your support dinny.
maybe she needs help in getting out of it?
if your father cant make it, then she needs to rethink it perhaps?
talk to her. im sure she needs lots of support before she commits herself legally to a bloke who has been so negative towards her.

stitch · 27/06/2006 18:21

take the valium if you have to dinny.
or the hypnotherapy if you have to as well.
but if she is marrying someone like this, then she needs friendship from you.

skerriesmum · 27/06/2006 18:21

I wouldn't feel too bad about missing a wedding if the relationship is doomed! Sorry that came out as rather flippant but you know what I mean. Your sister needs help.
Good luck with your situation.

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 18:23

oh, have supported her, esp when she has finished it (a fair few times). we are very close usually. but she loves him and is prepared to marry him even though she admits he has been awful to her at times.

OP posts:
stitch · 27/06/2006 18:25

sister's are such hard work!
lots of luck dinny.

geekgrrl · 27/06/2006 18:25

sounds like it's your sister who needs the hypnotherapy.
I agree with skerriesmum - she really shouldn't be marrying this man, and not supporting her decision to do so might be the best thing you could do for her....

shoppingsecret · 27/06/2006 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dinny · 27/06/2006 18:27

what's that French about weddings that goes something ike "the more song-and-dance, the rockier the marriage..."?

OP posts:
stitch · 27/06/2006 18:28

yup, geekgrl, i would agree with that as being a good reason not to go to the wedding.
but
if she still decides to go ahead with the wedding, then id suggest, imo, that you be there at the last minute. iyswim

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