Dumped - not 'spiritual' enough

[redundantandbitter]

A month ago When DP went to 'healing' camp he loved me .. When he came back he had experienced a 'spiritual awakening' and has recently said he feels the need to end it all with me, after 4 years, to start a relationship with a yoga teacher... Yeah it would be funny if it was a Victoria Wood sketch.. Unfortunately it's my life. I absolutely adore the man. He freely admits he loves me but HAS to follow this path as he feels he has met her in a previous life and its destiny. He can't see that having a lot in common with someone is called co-incidence. We don't live together, he's 43yrs , and in a very pressured front line job. We have always been very close emotionally, loving, great sex, besotted, tactile. I genuinely can't see where I went wrong...

[Gingerandcocoa]

Dodged a bullet.

[TheOrcHeadKeeper]

THE CHEEKY FUCKER

So you're telling us that he's talking about dithering as in changing his mind?? Err, you don't have the option to backslide, you selfish cunt.

What on earth makes him think you'd have him back after all this?

You may love him but he doesn't deserve it and it'll fade in time, especially whilst you watch him flounder with the consequences of his poorly made decisions. Good bloody riddance I'd say

[TheOrcHeadKeeper]

(and if he did this before he started navel gazing got 'spiritual' then surely that just shows you what he actually is rather than whatever you thought he was?

[redundantandbitter]

I did have the 'karma' conversation.. Told him that cockroaches lead good lives...

[comingintomyown]

I always think any bloke in the future would need to be kind of spiritual like they wouldnt leave toe nail clippings in a pile or watch every game of premiership football but I've changed my mind

"drama cunt" love it !

[redundantandbitter]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone that posted... Funny how everyone thinks he's a knob... Well that's the end of day 2 with no contact from me. It's getting easier. Sorry to all of you out there that have had similar pants situations. I don't understand the need to inflict shed loads of pain when it could all be done in a more kind and civilised way. If I've learned anything from this relationship it's 'be patient, be kind and be gentle'. Thanks again ladies x

[ZZZenagain]

stay strong and keep your distance. Don't let him go on about all this and his spiritual awakening and past life etc. There's a reason why we all don't think much of him I am afraid.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I think the consensus was actually "self-absorbed knob" OP

Well done on the NC. IT's sooooo tough but every day will get easier xx

[tribpot]

I can't believe the back-slide comment. What a self-obsessed arse bucket. Not to mention fucking rude.

I hope in all the being mindful and all that there's an opportunity either:

• to point out that his choice of language is extremely hurtful to you, who by his own admission have not contributed to the break-up
• to tell him to go fuck himself.

I think it would be wise to be clear with him that there's no coming back from this. He may think he's dithering but you are not.

[TotallyBursar]

I slightly disagree with WhiteSugar when she says your relationship sounded 'close'. I think it sounded intense. Intense and central to some drama. Close and intense are very different beasts.
It sounds like that's a key indicator of who he is. Maybe who you were for a little while?

Dramacunt - that's the post I was going to write until I was beaten to it I doubt I would have coined such a good descriptor though .

Otherwise what a lovely post it was from WS.

Keep going with the no contact, you deserve so much more than sitting on the back ring of the hob in case he wants leftovers. Honestly 'backsliding' the ditherer, quite frankly he makes it very clear how much respect he holds for you as a person - you can't polish a turd, you may be able to roll it in glitter till it shines but you still end up stinking of shit - time to wash your hands.

[Kamchatka]

OP you're great. He does in all honesty sound like a knob, but then which of us hasn't fallen for a knob at one time or another?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Wondering vaguely which came first, Yoga Woman or the sudden desire to go to a retreat.

If it's any consolation, he seems to have about a four-year attention span for relationships, so expect Ms Yoga to be history in about three-and-three-quarters.

[redundantandbitter]

He's always been into yoga.. Went to camp
Last year also.... He was married for 15 yrs previous to leaving wife/ meeting me ...no record of even looking at another woman. I just wonder if I was too easy. He has obviously just opened a bin bag of his possessions that I returned (ever practical!) over a week ago.., he's emailed to say I've retuned the nice t-shirt he gave me for my birthday in June. Like I don't know??? I meSnt to! How can I wear something that reminds me of a brilliant weekend away ? Doh. He readily has no idea. None whatsoever. Self obsessed... Me me me...someone posted 'how tiring and draining' ... Yes he is, was, still love him. Poo

[Patosshades]

No you weren't too easy. On whose say so have you that he never looked at other women over the course of the marriage? He's shown he can't be trusted.

[onefewernow]

If there is only one thing worse than a cheating twat, it had to be one with a spiritual new age veneer.

Honestly.

[extracrunchy]

LAME!! You're better of running for the hills!

[extracrunchy]

Off

[redundantandbitter]

So he tweeted this at midnight .."You can't alter which way the wind is blowing, but you can learn how to adjust your sails accordingly". #mindfulness. He truly believes that he can't control his direction and something else more powerful is blowing him along. I know you all think its guff - so do I- but if this was your child or partner you would want to try and understand ... Surely you can't be led that easily.. Don't we have some control of our thoughts ? He always said to "let the emotion be seen.. Acknowledge it... And let it pass... Things will be different tomorrow".. So how come he's not following his own advice and allowing himself to be led by his trousers.. He really believes this 'blowing' stuff.. It's making me think bad things about mindfulness which I think he is twisting to suit.. Or not fully understanding .

[Whocansay]

But the bonus is, every time he texts you with that kind of nonsense, it must make you wonder what you ever saw in him!

What an idiot. Ignore him. Hope you're OK, OP.

[cjel]

I'm not sure about mindfulness , but it sounds to me like yu can make a quote to fit what you want. I would read that as you can't help feeling what you feel but you have th'sails' to control what you do with it!! I think he sounds aas if he doesn't understand what hes saying?

I'd ask him to stop contacting you for say, a couple of weeks. If he has things to sort out in his mind he needs to do it in his mind not in yours?xx

[redundantandbitter]

Thanks guys.. He's not texting me.. He's tweeting... I am in day of 4 no contact though he has emailed me twice - short polite stuff . Not replied to him. He won't be discussing this with anyone (I can imagine the reaction from
Family and friends can't you?) so will be sitting around internalising and getting all twisted and muddled. Like cjel said .. I think he is making the mindfulness fit ... It's lazy thinking and a tad dillusional no?

[EBearhug]

I think he's right in that there are lots of things you have no control over - not just the wind, but an employer deciding on a round of redundancies - or a partner unilaterally deciding to walk out. You can always decide to come back to shore, even if you have to tack slowly all the way, rather than get blown out to the mid-Atlantic till your boat is swamped and sinks. Good sailors should be aware of the weather and its ability to change quickly and have planned ahead and know how to handle such events and make decisions to keep themselves and anyone else on board safe.

and I am mostly avoiding going into work till the last minute by wittering on...

[redundantandbitter]

Thank you.. Very well put.. I was trying to put something like that together but it would take a week! I am going to use your words in a tweet... Hope you don't mind... It's just how I feel x ... Now get to work !

[MadBusLady]

Love, you're still engaging with him, and it will only hurt you. No contact means no contact. Stop following him on Twitter and block him from following you. Unfriend him on Facebook. Don't compose cryptic tweets or statuses that are meant for his eyes. That is still communicating, and it does nothing but hurt you and feed his ego. You are not his emotional audience any more, stop thinking of your emotions as available to him.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I'd just like to add that if any partner of mine ever spouted new age guff like that they could look forward to never having sex with me again.

What a load of self-justifying bollocks wrapped up in something that sounds vaguely deep but is in fact a pile of awful wank.

That kind of bollocky twaddle gets right on my last one