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Original poster

Dumped - not 'spiritual' enough

269 replies

redundantandbitter · 24/09/2013 00:11

A month ago When DP went to 'healing' camp he loved me .. When he came back he had experienced a 'spiritual awakening' and has recently said he feels the need to end it all with me, after 4 years, to start a relationship with a yoga teacher... Yeah it would be funny if it was a Victoria Wood sketch.. Unfortunately it's my life. I absolutely adore the man. He freely admits he loves me but HAS to follow this path as he feels he has met her in a previous life and its destiny. He can't see that having a lot in common with someone is called co-incidence. We don't live together, he's 43yrs , and in a very pressured front line job. We have always been very close emotionally, loving, great sex, besotted, tactile. I genuinely can't see where I went wrong...

OP posts:
garlicbaguette · 26/09/2013 22:58

Don't shake him. His brain cell might fall out. That would be cruel.

Lizzabadger · 26/09/2013 23:02

Oh god, total knobber. Stop reading his tweets.

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 26/09/2013 23:18

Have stopped following him.. Not reading anything... No
Contact whatsoever... I am wondering how his meditation class went tonight.., methinks he hasn't told his fellow group members... Karma ... Next life as a cockroach anyone? How about just being a good person in this life coz its the adult sensible thing to do... Ok if I can't shake him can I at least stand in front of him and shout "you're forty-bloody- three"

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JaceyBee · 26/09/2013 23:47

I'm a therapist and I would say he was a therapist/counsellor too? We are a bit prone to this self indulgent , hippy bullshit!

WeAreSeven · 26/09/2013 23:49

Blowing indeed! There's only one kind of blowing that he really has on his mind.

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 26/09/2013 23:52

No, he isn't. Something way more down to earth and v responsible.... But he is training to be a therapist... And yoga lady has been on the same course so
I guess there's been a few 'supportive' conversations around the camp fire. He's doing a fair amount of preaching but not much practising... Is that typical therapist behaviour? I can't help thinking he's going to struggle ....

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Original poster
redundantandbitter · 26/09/2013 23:59

WeAreSeven feel free to lower the tone... Even I'm boring myself! I can see his reaction at the suggestion that this is about sex...feigns horror..Tbh we both had crap sex lives with ex's , only really relaxing and enjoying together and it was brilliant, but a personal journey for both of us. That hurts the most.. The thought that he is perfectly happy to embark on another sexual journey without any warning or issues . Sorry, but she is NO WAY going to be like I was with him... He will totally miss what we had. PLEASE. Can I shake him now?

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garlicbaguette · 27/09/2013 06:43

Yeah, he's not using his brain cell anyway.

Wink
garlicbaguette · 27/09/2013 06:45

AAAAANNNND ... now ... That's enough about him! 134 posts are plenty, surely?

Tell us about you! What are you up to, how's your weekend looking, what are you doing to reaffirm your general brilliance and joy in life? Hmm?
Detail, please!
:)

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 07:22

Ok... Kids are with ExP this weekend. Dreading it. Time and space on my own is not a good combination. I know there's been a lot of posts about him here but it's been a major, helpful distraction . The lack of texts and real chat is a big hole in my day - he is a big communicater . Friends all busy with kids, lives etc...trying to only moan to them in rota so I don't completely f**k them off. They have seen it before. Yeah, like I said, dreading it. But thanks for asking

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mistlethrush · 27/09/2013 07:26

Can you do something for you? Spa day? Go to the gym?

JaceyBee · 27/09/2013 07:30

That makes a lot of sense. Therapy training courses are notorious for this sort of thing. It's very intense and emotional and you almost trauma-bond with the others who are going through it. To become a therapist you have to turn yourself inside out, look at all the hidden, buried, shadow parts, acknowledge them and then tell people about them! When you're in a group of like minded people who are all baring the depths of their souls to each other strong intimate relationships happen and sometimes a sexual relationship develops from this. Loads of people get divorced after/during training, most courses outline this in the 'health warning'! Of course not all of these are due to 3rd parties but it is v common.

It may be the case that it's all a bit of an infatuation, he got caught up in the moment and will wake up and get a grip soon and feel like a total twat and want to come back.
I certainly hope this is teaching him a lot about himself that he can reflect on for his personal development assignments!

The not practising what he preaches, therapists should never 'preach' but I know what you mean. He should certainly be a lot of self aware than he currently sounds! I think he may well struggle too tbh!

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 07:34

Not really . Tbh I am a company kinda girl. Hate being on my own... Makes me look inside my head which isn't healthy for me. Last time he did this (2.5 yrs ago) we were all still living with ex p's. the pain was severe and I wanted to hurt myself and make it all go away so I know I need to always have company. I know he was self harming at this point. I spent many hours on phone to Samaritans. Yes, I know, I'm a stupid idiot. But it hurts

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Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 07:37

He starts the course next month but I know she has been advising him. He Admits he keeps everything in Seperate mental boxes and expects this course to get rid if them for him. But surely HE will have to do that work? He freely admits that i know him better than anyone.

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CupOCoffee · 27/09/2013 07:59

I don't think you can do anything but let him go (and don't let him back!) because he's such a twat that any sort of good long term relationship will, in my opinion, be impossible.

Moron.

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 08:14

jaceyBee he let slip that he will be 'transformed' after the course. It's like I am his own 'troubled' past and he wants a cleaner brighter future and yoga lady is in that picture. The reality is he still has to work in current job for another 10+ years , still has commitments to ex w, teenage DD's, dog, house and all the day to day dreary stuff. That will remain constant. So I can't see it being all that different. It's frustrating. No I'm nit contacting him. Yes, I am
Letting him get on with it. But it's fucking annoying being at the end of this misguided thought process. Sorry to all of you who have had enough too

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JaceyBee · 27/09/2013 08:44

Yeah there's nothing you can do or say at this point, just let him get on with it the silly old fool!

However. Not wanting to be alone and have to face up to what's inside your head is not a nice place or a helpful place to be for you. Wanting to self harm is not good and can be helped. Have you ever considered any therapy for your own issues? Can understand if it's the last thing you want to do right now but if you tend to jump from man to man because you can't cope alone it might be something worth looking at a bit?

mistlethrush · 27/09/2013 09:04

OK... so, go and look and see if there are any craft courses running on Saturday that might interest you. Are there any guided walks nearby. What about something happening at a National Trust property nearby? Do you have a dog - if you do, I have more suggestions!

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 09:06

I have had some CBT and therapy after the last time but you just end up going round and round in circles til you get past the pain and stop going. Think I just live with the sadness of not succeeding in my long term relationship, allowing lovely handsome man from past into my life at a very vulnerable time, and now I have to face up to bring told 'I still love you, fancy you, but you don't really suit where i want my life to go'. Talk about kick in the bollicks. I have no faith in my decisions. Hope for the best and look where it's got me . Completely heart broken again. Doh

OP posts:
Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 09:08

Yes, am walking dog now actually. Craving company.

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 27/09/2013 09:27

what sort of dog?

Lizzabadger · 27/09/2013 09:31

Do you work?

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/09/2013 09:51

Work 4 days ... Now off til Monday. Kids away . Urgh. What's the bloody matter with me. I need a slap! The anxiety is rising.. So I end up pacing and can't settle .. Like one if those polar bears kept in captivity.. Going over and over old ground. I am trying to shake myself.

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mistlethrush · 27/09/2013 09:59

Type of dog? If its a pointy dog I can point you in the direction of something you may never have tried before.

mistlethrush · 27/09/2013 10:01

Do you clicker train? If not, look at this, go and get a clicker and see how many things you can teach your dog to do by the time your children get back.