Dumped - not 'spiritual' enough

[redundantandbitter]

A month ago When DP went to 'healing' camp he loved me .. When he came back he had experienced a 'spiritual awakening' and has recently said he feels the need to end it all with me, after 4 years, to start a relationship with a yoga teacher... Yeah it would be funny if it was a Victoria Wood sketch.. Unfortunately it's my life. I absolutely adore the man. He freely admits he loves me but HAS to follow this path as he feels he has met her in a previous life and its destiny. He can't see that having a lot in common with someone is called co-incidence. We don't live together, he's 43yrs , and in a very pressured front line job. We have always been very close emotionally, loving, great sex, besotted, tactile. I genuinely can't see where I went wrong...

[mistlethrush]

That's why I think working out something that you would like to do for 'you' that would fit in around DCs and work would be really good at the moment... I don't know what might be appropriate.. whether music, craft, study.... that needs to come from you. But if you had something to focus on, I think you'd find it easier.

[redundantandbitter]

You are right... He has described her as a warm
Light , full of energy. She has two Dc's and am
Pretty sure they have had sex ... According to him
She made a move first. But them we know he's a cheating, slippery liar. She's welcome to him. He's like sand. Gorgeous warm white soft fine sand from a beautiful Mexican beach... The problem is you can't hold it, each time you have a handful it just flips through your fingers. Well, it's all gone now. She can have a turn.

[mistlethrush]

So.. what are you going to do to stop being redundant?

And what can you do to stop focusing on him and spend a bit more time taking care of yourself so that you get less bitter?

[noddyholder]

He is not gorgeous warm sand you are idealising him transfer that to yourself would be a great start

[EldritchCleavage]

Why not make today's task to defriend on Facebook and even block his numbers? Sure, it looks unfriendly, but you sound as though you really need the distance and frankly, you really don't need to hear or see any more of his earthy crunchy wankery.

[pantsonbackwards]

No! Not beautiful warm sand! Skanky can't keep it in his pants lying twat!

[redundantandbitter]

Have made an appointment with relate

[redundantandbitter]

We were never friends on FB and have already stopped following him On twitter , though he's still following me . Hoping relate app on Friday will help get some sense

[EldritchCleavage]

Good stuff.

[dontyouwantmebaby]

I think you should block him from following you on twitter as well. The less he knows about you and your thoughts/life, the better it will be (for you). Less engagement will only help you to move forward.

I know you may not feel like this at the moment as its early days but I think give it time and you'll know that you're better off without him (and feel better for it too).

[redundantandbitter]

Hi, I did try to block him from
Following me but I'm no expert and couldn't work
Out how?

[dontyouwantmebaby]

if you click on his profile, next to the follow/unfollow button, if you click on that a drop down menu will appear and the option to block is there (below public reply, direct message, report spam etc).

if using a mac its shift-cmd-b to block someone.

[mistlethrush]

How are you doing Redundant?

[redundantandbitter]

mistlethrush hi! Well which answer would you like .. We have a) not bad , ignoring his 3 emails and trying to repeat 'he's an uncommitted hippy git' (which is as about as abusive as I can muster) .., b) sad at the loss of such a handsome loving man that was supposed to come on holiday with me & kids at half term (yet to tell them) .. Or c) scanning the 'camp ' photos and finding images of the two
Of them together with his kids looking all cosy, and wanting to vomit... Hoping that a chat to relate counsellor on Friday will help... Thanks xx and how are you ????

[mistlethrush]

At them moment I am fine thanks.. getting over a cold.

I suggest that you bin the camp photos.

I suggest that you plan something 'special' for your half term.. Do sometime with the DCs that you wouldn't have done.

Its going to be difficult - there's no doubt. But you're going to be better off without him.

[redundantandbitter]

We are going 'glamping' - already paid for and am dreading.. Cold , wet and will have to be the cheery one driving it all along... Is it so wrong to want someone to share the day withm? .Just seems like so many people's opinions are 'you're better off on your own' ... I def feel like I out all my eggs in one basket and its gone up the swannie... Can't believe he has started afresh so fast. Don't think I'll ever get over that shock. So , yes, sorry, am still sad but acclimatising. Thank you, hope you get well soon x

[mistlethrush]

Not surprised you're still struggling (particularly if you've been il).

What region are you going to, and what age are your DC - perhaps there's someone here that can recommend where you go?

[redundantandbitter]

Ah, thanks hun. We are going to Shropshire way , but there are tons of things to do and see... It's the night times when things go dark and a warm hug just sees you right. Urgh.., there I go again. Keep slipping. It'll be ok, least I am
Ok for money (for now) and can afford a break. Cheers hun x

[BitOutOfPractice]

Oh op it's such a tough thing to go through. I still sometimes get a thump of disbelief in the solar plexus about what the ex did to me. And it's over a year now and I'm happy and settled. So for you, when it's all so raw, it's bound to feel devastating

So don't be too hard on yourself. It's still early days and it will get better I promise xx

[springybuffy]

You say you're disappointed.. want to shake him.. that If I've learned anything from this relationship it's 'be patient, be kind and be gentle'.

oh dear oh dear! What's going on! I feel like I'm witnessing the king riding on a horse through the streets WITH NO CLOTHES ON.

ffs. He's not a ditherer, he's a cunt. Poor diddums is at the mercy of his dick the gods/universe and there's just nothing he can do about it

Meanwhile, you're feeling 'disappointed'. One feels 'disappointed' when someone nicks the reduced broccoli practically out of your hand in the supermarket. I would suggest that one feels a little more than 'disappointed' when your lover, who tracked you down after 25 years boak , precipated a break from your lt partner, sits with you of an evening - for 4 years - talking deep and meaningfuls and feeling the connection.. dumps you for a bit of skirt.

Come on girl. Less of the kind, the gentles and the patience. He's a dick. You can still be a good person who roars with rage at appropriate moments. You don't have to float off on a cloud with your harp, wishing him well. he's fucked you over. Get angry.

[superstarheartbreaker]

He's a dick. If he precipitated a previous break up then has done this then he us a complete drama addict. Yuck.

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

I bet his long term partner of 15 years who he left after having an affair with you is having a right laugh. Talk about karma.

[redundantandbitter]

Tbh I think EXW had come to terms with the fact we were still together and 'strong' ( I use the term loosely) and had accepted me meeting their DDs etc.. I think she will be p*ed off and have a go at him for being flaky. Good. Then she may well come looking for me..

[cakehappy]

Hey OP
You're idolising this man, take off your rose-coloured glasses and check out the reality. He fancied someone else, and left you for her whilst trying to cover/excuse terrible behaviour with "out of my control,fate, yadiyaya" bullshit. The sooner you realise it, the better. Disengage. Completely. Warm sand trickling through my fingers, very romantic but he's not what you think he is. You on the other hand are funny and sweet. Make an effort to protect yourself Hun. Totally no photos, following tweets, romantic thoughts, memories of hugs on rainy days...he's REALLY not the man you think/thought he was and that's the painful truth.