Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

She knew he was married!!!

76 replies

Putitonthelist · 22/09/2013 10:51

She knew his W was pregnant. That they had a young DD.

Her marriage had ended because her H had been unfaithful and left her with 2 young boys. WTF??

I know everyone says he's the married one and that's true, but how can you inflict such pain on someone else when you have been there yourself????

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 22/09/2013 10:58

I think there's a lot to be said about the attitude a lot of people (on here as well) take that the OW is not the one to break the vows so owes the wife nothing.

Personally I feel each of us are answerable for our own actions and any OW/OM are as equally responsible for their part in tearing a family apart as the married party is, altho the philandering married person should suffer the most for their part.

I don't think you'll ever find the reason behind this woman's actions, don't waste your headspace on her.

I hope you have family and friends to rally round and offer you love and support.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 10:59

Ever heard the phrase 'all's fair in love and war?'. She couldn't have done a thing if this man hadn't been willing to go along with it. She didn't inflict the pain, therefore... he volunteered.

KatieScarlett2833 · 22/09/2013 11:01

People will hang on to any excuse they can find to maintain their denial and continue to see themselves as a decent person. Deluded but true.

gettingeasiernow · 22/09/2013 11:01

Some people are very, very low I'm afraid and we make far too many excuses for them generally. I completely understand your anger. I too hope you have lots of support and get through it to the point where you can be completely indifferent to people who are not worth your headspace, but in the meantime I feel for you because I know how long it takes.

Original poster
Putitonthelist · 22/09/2013 11:02

Thank you fuzzy It's not me. It's my friend. I posted yesterday not knowing what I know now Sad

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 22/09/2013 11:03

Some people are just nasty, selfish arseholes.

sooperdooper · 22/09/2013 11:04

He was still the one who was married, it's easy for people to want to blame the OW but who knows what crap he fed her, they're equally to blame

JoinYourPlayfellows · 22/09/2013 11:08

Who cares what crap he fed her?

There is nothing a married man with small children and a pregnant wife could say to me that would make me think there was a justifiable reason for shagging him.

BOTH OF THEM knew he was married.

That means they are both shits to risk breaking up a young family.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 11:09

Marriages break up all the time. 'My wife doesn't understand me' is the oldest line in the book. If someone's lonely, horny, disillusioned about the whole 'sanctity of marriage' crap because of their own experience and have got a willing volunteer in front of them... shit happens.

When we start expecting other women to keep our partners on the straight and narrow, I think we do all women a disservice.

Original poster
Putitonthelist · 22/09/2013 11:09

My friend told me he had hit the roof when she told him she was pregnant and tried to talk her into a termination. What an arse Angry

OP posts:
nkf · 22/09/2013 11:10

I know. It's shit. It's totally shit.

meditrina · 22/09/2013 11:10

Well, unless the H is a philandering twat who sees women as interchangeable holes, he didn't have an affair with any woman, it was specifically this one. And if he had never met her, or she had not responded to him in the way she did, perhaps he'd never have cheated. So the OW is not in a neutral position.

If she knew he was married, and especially as she knows the pain that betrayal causes, then yes, she knows exactly what her actions are leading to, and is responsible for at. Basically, it means she couldn't care less about the betrayed W, and that's her choice.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 22/09/2013 11:12

No, shit doesn't happen.

Selfish people make decisions to do things that are damaging to other people.

There is a word for people who think it is OK to do as you please regardless of whom you hurt: we call them ARSEHOLES.

theunashamedow · 22/09/2013 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 22/09/2013 11:35

Thanks for proving my point so eloquently :o

mammadiggingdeep · 22/09/2013 11:39

Not religious but the ancient phrase "do unto others...." Is a treasure. Follow that in life and you can't go wrong.

Karma is alive and kicking....what you put into the universe, you get out.

She's been cheated on, and has now become the ow to a married man. I already know they'll have horrific trust issues in their relationship. As I said,...karma is alive and kicking and she's a bitch :)

Umlauf · 22/09/2013 11:39

Omg unashamed !! There's your answer OP - no shame to speak of is what makes them do it. Sad

Original poster
Putitonthelist · 22/09/2013 11:40

unashamed my friend is a lovely, intelligent and attractive person. She moved countries to accommodate her H and his job. And he repays her by having an affair with a colleague while she was pregnant.

Nothing you can say can ever justify that. Everyone has there own perception of things I guess but I know she did not deserve (or expect) any of this.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 22/09/2013 11:42

Please tell me I did not just read "take care if your dh it some ow will".

I repeat.....karma is alive and kicking. I think she'll be knocking at your door one day. What a piece of work you are. "My dss told me he's much happier"....poor child

mammadiggingdeep · 22/09/2013 11:43

Unashamed....you better hope you don't e we have relationship troubles....cos we already know what type of man your h is.....a cheater who'll be looking around for his next wife

FranSanDisco · 22/09/2013 11:44

theunashamedow - of course your happiness is paramount Hmm. You sound like you and the ex wife are more similar than you think, if your account of her can be believed.

HootShoot · 22/09/2013 11:45

Wow you certainly live up to your name unashamed. Doesn't matter if she was an evil old witch the right thing to do would have been to end the marriage before he took up with you.

higgle · 22/09/2013 11:50

theunashamedow - thank goodness someone is prepared to stand up and speak the truth on this issue, very brave to speak out.

HootShoot · 22/09/2013 11:51

Really Higgle? Is it not brave and right to end an unhappy relationship before starting a new one?

FranSanDisco · 22/09/2013 11:52

It's rather a one sided truth though Higgle.