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Original poster

I told her

461 replies

Justwakingup · 13/09/2013 16:49

I have told the wife of the MM I had an affair with.

I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt, because I know how much she is hurting. I think I wish I hadnt, but I feel that she has a right to know.

I knew it would never make me feel good to tell her, but I dont know what to do now, I wont contact her again, I just wish I hadnt hurt her, I deeply regret the affair and I need to move on, but I feel like I have caused a huge explosion and I feel so terrible about it, I dont know how to make things better..

OP posts:
Looksgoodingravy · 16/09/2013 11:35

I think you now need to focus on your children, how old are they?

Reading between the lines it seems you are sorry. You were brave to come onto MN and start this thread. You would have known some of the backlash this thread would cause, maybe this was done purposely as a 'punishment' to yourself.

You can only learn from this whole sorry episode in your life and I'm sure you have.

Being on the receiving end of two people's lies and deceit is one of the worst things, the way in which you informed the DW was wrong, you did it through sheer spite. She will be feeling a hundred times worse than you but in time she will rebuild her life either with or without her 'd'h. She will want to know much about you I'm sure. I did. I wanted to know everything about the ow in dp case.

rindercella · 16/09/2013 11:42

Three things strike me about virtually all of your posts OP - Me, Myself and I. I know this thread is about you and what you have done, but actually it is far more than that. By sending that text, you have thrown a bomb into that family, into that woman's life, and appear to have very little empathy for the impact that explosion is now having.

Sending a text is really the most cowardly way of doing something like this. Imagine, that poor woman opened that text from you and her whole life probably imploded. She would have had no choice but to read the text, as she couldn't possibly have known its content.

SubliminalMassaging · 16/09/2013 12:43

Has the MM contacted you about it yet? If not then I suspect she hasn't even told him she knows. She's probably busy drawing up her long term plan of action first. Sensible woman.

SubliminalMassaging · 16/09/2013 12:44

In fact, sorry if I missed this, the thread is so long, but has she acknowledged your text at all yet? do you even know for sure that she got it?

gamerchick · 16/09/2013 13:05

Just because he sent you a clear message by deleting you from Facebook doesn't mean that she got the text. He might have had her phone.

Does that idea not make you feel slightly better that her world might not have been blown apart?

Chyochan · 16/09/2013 13:07

Stop beating your self up OP, punishing yourself (and getting other sadistic judgmental twats with nothing better to do people to punish you) is not helping anyone or making anything better. Putting them out of your mind is not the same as feeling ok about what you did.

I hope all this drama and obsessing over his poor wife is not a way to keep holding on to this guy on some level, it would not be unusual if that was the case but it is not good for you (or anyone else)
Get out for a long walk somewhere nice, talk to people in RL, it will help alot.

Wellwobbly · 16/09/2013 16:24

hey, OP, here is a thread just for you! You will find you are not alone. (And the consensus there is: tell the wife).

chumplady.com/2013/09/4139/

Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 15:00

I dont think she knows.

I have been hoodwinked again. He has discovered it and hes hidden the evidence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 15:00

My reason to think that. Ive just seen her and she smiled at me.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 17/09/2013 15:04

Do you mean he saw and deleted the text?

garlicbaguette · 17/09/2013 15:16

Bloody hell, Just, what a self-serving bastard. The poor woman.

Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 15:42

I dont know how hes done it. He obviously knows, hes allowing me to think that she knows. He must have seen her phone and deleted.

I am a bit scared now if I am honest

OP posts:
garlicbaguette · 17/09/2013 15:43

Scared? Of him??

JustBecauseICan · 17/09/2013 15:48

Surely if we are to believe that she hasn't read your text then given that you have spent 16 pages going on about how terrible you feel to have sent it, you should actually be feeling relieved that you haven't actually destroyed this woman's life as much as you thought you had?

Or is it still all about you? oh hang on a minute

gamerchick · 17/09/2013 15:52

Now you can let it go OP. He'll get his just deserts eventually. You're well out of his fucked up world.

Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 15:53

Just - no need for that.

If she hasnt seen it then it is probably for the best, he can spend the rest of his days wondering whether I will do anything.

But I am a little bit scared of how devious he is being. At least I was open with what I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 15:53

I will not be doing anything further, its done (or not as the case may be)

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 17/09/2013 16:00

Just disengage now please. Forget about him, focus on your children, your life.
What happens with him/her/his ow and goodness knows how many others is nothing to do with you.

gamerchick · 17/09/2013 16:01

Why are you scared of that.. he's a serial cheat.. he's been covering his tracks for ages. It shouldn't be a surprise.

He'll get caught eventually.. They usually do and you'll be well out of it.

Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 16:04

Its just spooked me a little thats all. I do feel better knowing that she doesnt know.

OP posts:
JustBecauseICan · 17/09/2013 16:07

"at least I was open with what I did".

The irony.

Just- I have said numerous times on this thread that I feel for you- and actually, if you search any other posts I've made when MM and OW are involved I am hugely sympathetic generally to the OW.

But I'm a leedle bit Hmm that a couple of days after your thread starts slipping down we have new drama. Which actually isn't. It's a relief no?

So why didn't you post today saying "oh thank fuck for that, when I met the OW at the school gates, she just smiled at me, so she can't have received that text I sent which I've spent the last 16 pages anguishing about"

Because that would have seemed a little anti-climactic wouldn't it?

You can sleep easier now. You haven't wrecked this woman's life. She doesn't know.

Or are you going to text again?

Sweetsweep · 17/09/2013 16:07

Weirdly, I cant decide whether to be relieved or not.

As Mama says best to let it all be I think.

I am pretty sure he will get his comeuppance at some stage in his life.

Sweetsweep · 17/09/2013 16:10

JustBecauseICan. Let the op go. Dont forget that some people are more emotional than others.
She did something hugely wrong. She regrets it. She is trying to make ammends, She is trying to get her life back on track. She may or may not be a bit dramatic. But at this stage she is who she is and she is trying to work through things.

Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 16:12

Just I understand that you are very annoyed with me, but it doesnt seem to matter what I say or do its wrong.

I am a little shocked at finding out today that she probably hasnt seen the text, I posted it how I felt it, im sorry if it wasnt worded in the way you wanted it to be.

I have a mixture of feelings, yes relief is one of them, but I am also confused and a bit scared. The guilt is still there, I still did what I did and had just started to get my head around her knowing.

I wont be texting again, I will be staying well away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwakingup · 17/09/2013 16:13

Thank you sweetsweep

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