Well that was the world's weirdest 'affair' ...

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

So an old flame got in touch a few years ago and we've met up a couple of times since, texted occasionally (think months going by) and had the odd conversation by phone. He's married with grown-up kids and probably (certainly) didn't tell DW about our friendship.... So this morning I get the 'I've decided to make a go of it with my wife' text. WTAF? Suddenly I'm not only the OW, I'm dumped, and I never even got my leg-over!

That is very funny... Well, I mean I hope you are finding it funny. Knobber.

Not quite sure what to say........

Were you actually looking to have an affair?

Sorry, but that is very funny. What a drama llama. Do you think he was in one of those films in his head where people have stilted British conversations and gaze out of windows while mentally shagging like crazed bunnies?

I don't suppose there's any chance he sent it to the wrong person?!

Oh, sorry. Am I missing something?...Is this a joke?

what a strange man. You had an affair and didn't even know and yet she still decided to pick his wife.

Oreo I am slightly going off general knowledge of Cogito as a poster and assuming that she wouldn't be trying to have an affair.

His DW probably found an old message and tackled him on it or he's had a fit of conscience about his own motives or got himself into a panic about yours.

I bet his wife made him send that text.

It was obviously a bigger deal in his mind than yours. He's probably been tired up in mental knots by his imagined infidelity. Let's just hope the imaginary sex was worth it!

I'm only slightly fuming... Mystified (flattered? annoyed? gutted?) why he went to all the trouble of tracking me down again just to cast me in the role of 'unobtainable fantasy woman'. I feel like I've been on some kind of secret short-list and then discarded.

I'm too nice to people, that's my problem

are you going to reply?

Definitely reply "I think youve sent this to the wrong person. Good luck in your marriage"

A long, long ago ex of mine periodically tries to spark something by posting some random shit on my FB wall or tweeting at me. Always something totally over-sentimental and strange like "Remember on x day in 1995 we were doing y." Er, no not really? Because it was twenty years ago and we were 15?

I never reply or respond in any way, but I'm pretty sure he is angling for some kind of tortured nostalgic demi-affair of the kind I describe above, albeit in a very deniable way. And I also think it would probably "end" much the same way this has.

Drama llamas, as I said. He'll probably read whole novels into whatever you text back (and trilogies if you don't!)

How bizarre. You could send "I'm glad to hear it but don't see why you feel the need to share it with me".......I agree that the wife prob found an old text or something.

Did it seem like he was after more??

Was I looking for an affair?... Hey, if I really wanted to shag someone, they don't stand a chance! :) I suppose on some level I wondered if he was considering his options but, mostly I just enjoyed chatting from time to time.

Ha ha, what a prick!

I'd have had to reply with something snippy though. I'd not be having him thinking he'd dumped me! :)

The next text said 'could he phone me and he wanted to stay friends'... My reply was that I was quite happy to be his friend and to talk occasionally, but only if his DW knew I existed. I anticipate quite a long silence :)

Well, if that was an "affair" I wonder what he thinks friendship is going to consist of? Maybe you'll occasionally get a blank postcard or something.

Agree with SP... 'Bit embarrassing Knobber, but I think you sent this to me by mistake... Hope you're ok?'

It's such a shame you can't by text.

Men and their egos. Nuff said.

"tortured nostalgic demi-affair'

I think you have it in a nutshell. It's the cross I have to be for being so gorgeous!! ... And you'll have to excuse me now because I've just snorted coffee up my nose...

Cogito, she may know. You may have been used as part of some mind games between him and his wife.

I'm also wondering if he's accidentally texted the wrong person.

Though I have been in a similar position. I found out a couple of years back that a friend of the family considers me an ex-girlfriend. I was genuinely baffled as to when he thinks that happened. We went to the cinema a couple of times, usually with my brothers who are closer to him than I am. That was it. I'm struggling to remember any occasions at which I've been alone with him other than lifts places.

I did get a mysterious text from him when I was engaged which read 'I feel like I've missed my chance with you...' to which I struggled not to reply 'what chance? There was never any chance!'

Anyhow - perceptions; they're fucking weird.

I'd send him one back saying "were we having an affair, if so I never noticed! I am happy to continue being friends and would love to meet up with you and your wife"