Well that was the world's weirdest 'affair' ...

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

So an old flame got in touch a few years ago and we've met up a couple of times since, texted occasionally (think months going by) and had the odd conversation by phone. He's married with grown-up kids and probably (certainly) didn't tell DW about our friendship.... So this morning I get the 'I've decided to make a go of it with my wife' text. WTAF? Suddenly I'm not only the OW, I'm dumped, and I never even got my leg-over!

lol you would've thought you'd notice .

MustBeCheating, check under the bed for a shoebox full of puppets.

Poor Cogito

I often cast innocent members of the general, unoffending, public in my what-if daydreams (disaster, romance, zombies, musicals). I don't tell them about it though - that would mean I was taking it... seriously...

Probably the poor man was having some sort of 'take that, heartless wife!' fantasy - which has now been sorted. And in a not-really-concentrating moment, texted you as though it were a loose end that really did need tidying up.

MustBeCheating Trust your gut! The only way for your marriage to survive is for him to go NC right now!

I suspect he is having an affair with someone and the DW had found out and he has sent that text to you pretending to send it to the OW.

A bit like Fawlty Towers when Basil is pretending to be on the phone to the builders, giving them a bollocking, but he is actually talking to Polly.

Well, cogito, I've read the thread from top to bottom and no-one else has said - welcome back, where've you beeeen? Haven't seen a post from you for weeks - hope you were somewhere nice. Oh, and re thread topic - 'WTF?' closely followed by 'in your dreams, mate' is all you need to channel to the texter.

Well, cogito, I've read the thread from top to bottom and no-one else has said - welcome back, where've you beeeen?

see thread topic - she's obviously been busy

sorry I couldn't resist.

"I imagine the chaps DW paled in significance to Corgs -"

As I am absolutely fabulous, other women paling into insignificance is just something I have to live with. (She won't be changing nappies, though... grown-up kids).

And have had a busy summer travelling and doing other mad stuff besides haunting some middle-aged fucker's dreams... Thanks for noticing absence

why he went to all the trouble of tracking me down again just to cast me in the role of 'unobtainable fantasy woman'. I feel like I've been on some kind of secret short-list and then discarded.

I had something like that. First love went out of his way to track me down, freak me out, make me half fall in love again and then refuse to meet me as he was "happily married". Not that happy as it turned out as he subsequently got divorced. Anyway.

I think they do it without really thinking through the impact it has.

Lois, probably a merry fantasy, that just wasnt quite the same in reality.

I wish he never had contacted me though as I got all geed up.

I knew a bloke once donkeys years ago, we dated briefly. He phoned me up one day to tell me he did not want to go out with me anymore, so I said ok, no worries, lets be friends. He sounded so deflated by this that I thought it was only polite to say something else. So I said "well you know or we could talk about it". Next breath he comes out with "well if your going to make things difficult I cant talk to you" and hung up, still makes me chuckle even now. People are bonkers basically.

Sounds similar Lois. I'm also plumping for the 'not really thinking' version of events. Sounds better than some kind of fantasy place-holder.

Fog, that is brilliant!

Cog: 'Have you accidentally texted the wrong person?'

would just deflate Mr Llama there.

It sounds to me like he texted the wrong person. I don't see how a couple of texts a few times a year and a lunch or two equate to a torrid affair or even an emotional affair.

I had a bf once who seemed fine then just disappeared off the grid. He was just nowhere. After a few texts and calls which went to vm or ignored, I moved on.

8 months later, and not a word from the ex, I had a call at 3 in the morning from the ex who could hear the new one saying " who's that? " and the ex started shouting at me about our relationship and how I was cheating and we had been getting on so well!"

Cognito, I would be tempted to write back " but I'm outside your door! Get your suitcase!" Hahahha Or " my dh agrees. However he is still going to come and see you:)"

If he wants to play Bizarre Text Tennis I think you should join in.

Something along the lines of 'The black budgerigar flies at midnight'.

shodan

....and at the call of the hour, the Wonting shall rise...Passion is an ice cream cone....

I guess some people just love being drama llamas, i've know a few.

Went on 1st OD meet with someone couple of years ago. He was "okish", bit romantically B list.

Texted him a couple weeks after the last meet. Just a friendly "soft sell" text to say "let me know if you fancy meeting up again, hope you're well".

(yeah yeah, B list, but it was a quiet period and it was summer and my other leads had gone cold. And I like to be out in the summer ).

"I'm seeing someone else. But if you'd texted BEFORE I'd have gone out with you, so you know you're just too late I'm afraid!"

How I wept that night over my lost love, the one that got away and I couldn't have.

PS He was still active on the OD site for ages afterwards

I meet up with a male colleague from a previous job quite often for coffee. Of course my DH knows because if I didn't tell him he might think he had something to worry about. But coggers doesn't owe anything to his DW because it's not up to coggers to tell her! She didn't even realise he thought there was more to it! Shhheeesh! Some people on MN really like to twist things to make it the OPs fault.

Of course I will be checking my DH's text messages for conversations with the irresistible Cogito as she's clearly a Siren to all married men!

Awww op I would be sooo hacked off!

He dumped the 'fantasy' you. That's like the perfect version of you in his head! The version of you with no faults that is ideal for his fantasy affair...

And he still dumped you!

I would be weeping into my imaginary ow hands

Tosspot!

(@FreeWee... your DH is safe. I shall be withdrawing from society now, taking the veil... ) Actually - update, if anyone's interested - I had a very sheepish phone-call last night from my 'lover' who apologised while I told him what a complete tit he'd been. Straightened a few things out (I hope) so maybe we can all move on like grown-ups.

Oh, was there any kind of explanation?

About 25 years ago, I got "dumped" in a phone call from an old flame's DW. The weird thing was, I'd only seen him a couple of times in the previous 5 years, with his DW, when he came to borrow and return something.

I worked out that he probably was having an affair with someone else, and she thought it might be me. (Like Cogito, I am irresistibly gorgeous )