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Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

999 replies

hostesswithleastest · 05/09/2013 23:36

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

OP posts:
feelinlucky · 30/09/2013 08:53

So, thanks to the lovely lady (you know who you are) who helped me with my new and clearly fabulous profile on Pof I have a new stream of admirers. Well I made tiny changes but it worked. I've now got some acceptable new admirers and some old ones who have came out of the woodwork. I am using a particularly flattering photo which worries me slightly because I'm not nearly as flawless in real life. Anyhoo, I'm very pleased and feeling much more positive today. Thanks lovely ladies, I'm so pleased I delurked.

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 09:28

Good stuff feelinglucky, and don't sweat the picture. Unless you've been hugely dishonest I think everyone accepts that people will have chosen the most flattering pic. It's only natural.

Broken are you contacting men or waiting for them to contact you?

unBant · 30/09/2013 10:11

Broken - I can't remember which site you say you're using but on most of them you have to do the contacting yourself, if you just sit back and wait for someone good to contact you you'll just get the chancers and morons.

It's the same for me though, I've been winked at and favourited by women far older than me, one of them a few months ago was the same age as my mum, and lived in the same town.. yech.

As for photos, everyone chooses flattering ones, that's par for the course. Generally the rule seems to be, no more than 5, and at least 2. There should be a full length one, not too many of you standing in front of the Pyramids. No more than one of you on a horse. Don't show photos of your DC unless you look really good in it (and even then..) None of you with some blokes arms draped around your shoulders. Too much cleavage will attract certain kinds of messages or messagers.

Personally I find collages of multiple face shots with glittery stars - of which there seem to be more and more recently - scream 'demanding princess type' at me. If someone's full length photos seem to be hiding something then I think they've got something to hide. If there are only self-shots in front of a mirror I think 'must have no social life at all'. If there are artistic studio photos then I think 'highly photoshopped'..

But then I'm naturally cynical.

brokenhearted55 · 30/09/2013 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaWisey · 30/09/2013 18:03

broken I don't message guys first but I do view their profiles and roughly half of those I view message me. Have you tried that?

Sad that you yearn for ex.

akaWisey · 30/09/2013 18:06

I've just been asked on another date!

Lunch this Sunday.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 30/09/2013 18:47

Please give me pof profile feedback Grin

akaWisey · 30/09/2013 18:55

I honestly don't know what's happened but all of a sudden…..

So I just spoke to london guy on the phone and he seems quite nice - again, very middle class Grin.

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 20:12

EHarmony doesn't seem to have much traffic. Why not try GSM or Match?

splishsplosh · 30/09/2013 20:17

Broken - sorry you're still missing last one, but there will be better out there.

I had a coffee date for tomorrow, but I decided to double check he was single -and turns out he isn't... says he lives with someone but she has health issues, and doesn't mind him seeing other people as long as not too serious. Even if that's true I have no desire to be in that situation. Back to the drawing board!

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 20:20

Good detective work splish. God do people not realise what a cliche the whole "my DP doesn't understand me/has mental health problems/can't afford to move out but is happy for me to see other people, thing is.

brokenhearted55 · 30/09/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splishsplosh · 30/09/2013 20:23

Yes, it's amazing how many understanding women there are out there!

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 20:23

Guardian Soulmates.

MsBlouseyBrown · 30/09/2013 20:57

Splish, did he actually put that on his profile?!
I suppose he is being upfront in a weird way and I am just being naive in thinking that nobody would touch him with a barge pole. I guess there are women out there that don't mind getting involved in stuff like this.

splishsplosh · 30/09/2013 21:18

No, his profile says he is single. And he didn't exhibit any obvious signs of being non single - he was messaging on the site, then texting in the evening and at the weekend. But then he said something about not looking for anything too serious so I asked him if he was married or living with someone. And then he admitted it. But was quick to assure me that it would not be a problem... that his partner is fine with it, she even teases him about it, they live together but have separate lives to a certain extent.

He'd previously mentioned other dates / relationships he'd had with women from the site, so maybe they didn't mind. Or he never told them I suppose.

ladygoingGaga · 30/09/2013 21:41

splish FairPlay he was honest, but bloody hell that would send me running for the hills!

Okay, now I'm feeling brave and had a glass of wine who is willing to review my profile, as it doesn't seem to be generating much interest.

MsBlouseyBrown · 30/09/2013 21:54

Good lord. I fear I may need to retune my bullshit radar.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 30/09/2013 22:58

Hello dating thread. I have lurked here a little and have just started internet dating so thought I should say hello. I used POF a little a few years ago but nothing came of it, this time I have been signed up to My Single Friend by a mate!

So I have been having a message conversation over the last 10 days (not too much, 1 message each day with the odd day off) with a very pleasant chap. He had asked me out this weekend but I couldn't make it, I then suggested this Thursday but turns out that work commitments means he can't make that, so now we're negotiating about next week (I actually don't have anything free until a week on Sunday). He's sent me his number ''in case it's easier to arrange by phone''. I've never exchanged phone numbers before apart from immediately prior to a date!! Aargh!! Is it normal to talk on the phone with people prior to meeting? I feel like I don't want to get to know each other too much prior to meeting in case there's no chemistry at all and it's all a waste of emotional investment. But I don't want to be rude. What's the protocol here? Continue messaging via the site? Phone? Send a text?

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 23:04

OneDay it's certainly not required to speak on the phone, lots of people never do it pre-dates. But equally some people find logging on to the site etc a hassle so it may well be easier for both of you to sort out the arrangements by text. Phone numbers just seem to mean text me, not call me.

unBant · 01/10/2013 11:54

On the subject of texting, or lack of:

I think sometimes women can read too much into a lack of texts from a bloke they're interested in. I can be interested in someone, and when I'm thinking about them I want to text them. But when I'm thinking about something else: my kids, my job, catching up with mates etc, then I don't worry too much about texting or keeping in touch. I can only really think about one thing at a time so if I get a text from a woman I'm dating, then if I'm concentrating on something else I won't necessarily be quick to respond. It doesn't mean they're on the back burner compared to another woman, or that I'm not interested, it's just that I can't think about multiple things at once.

This may be seen as uncaring, or forgetful, or insensitive, but it's the way my brain is made. I'm fairly typical of men like that, we can concentrate very hard on one or two things at a time, but find it difficult to multitask. Women's brains are structured differently so you can be thinking about one thing, something else comes up, and you can deal with more than one thing more successfully than men can. You have a more complex neural network than us.

So, just because a bloke is slow to text back, it doesn't mean he's lost interest, it might just mean he's not focusing on you right this second. And that's life, unfortunately.

Mermaid complains that I don't skype her enough. I enjoy it when I do, and sometimes I really look forward to it. But if I'm thinking about something else then it doesn't even occur to me. Or it does but I file it away mentally under 'something to do later, I'm busy trying to fix my dishwasher' or something. When I'm focusing on her, or not thinking about anything else, I'll be texting away merrily - but when I'm not, I won't.

brokenhearted55 · 01/10/2013 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittymchotpress · 01/10/2013 17:29

that's interesting unbant, and I agree that it can take a while to work out someone's texting style (for some reason typing that makes me want to snigger Grin ) but the key to it is if you feel you are being 'held in mind' or not. so if texts are infrequent but don't have to be prompted then that's one thing, but if one person (er....me) is always instigating then that could be another story. can take a bit of time to suss it out but I suppose that's a risk you take, especially in OD as you have no other markers to judge against.

broken no matter what the reason or what they say you just have to shrug and move on. i really know how hard that is, particularly if you clicked with them...and you keep thinking if only bla, bla bla.

I'm still sofa bound...for now...

superdooperpenguin · 01/10/2013 20:37

Bant - You may have answered my question before I have even asked!

I saw the detective last night, all lovely and he texted this morning saying how much he was looking forward to seeing me this Wed. I replied a few hrs later when I had the chance at lunchtime - nothing since then. I'm panicking now as it's a long time since we last had contact - are we still seeing each other tomorrow or has he disappeared? I just sent another text (I know, double text is a big faux pax!) to make sure he's ok (he'd had a horrible morning by the sounds of it, big car crash etc) but still nothing...

I'm feeling slightly depressed. I picked up last night that he was uneasy about my DCs (he doesn't have any, I have 2). Not anything he said specifically, just a feeling I got.

Big sigh - is it time to go back to POF?! I hope not, I hate it!

ladygoingGaga · 01/10/2013 21:33

super
I think bant is right, if he is a police officer he could easily have his phone off for hours at a time. I'm in the police and on a busy day I barely eat or drink, I remember getting texts but just don't get a chance to reply until I'm home, which can be hours later too.