But I watched my DMum go from a alpha wonder woman to a shadow of herself after my Fathers affair(s)
De-lurking because miceandmen's post struck a chord, and because you are being so so strong, fireplaces
My father had affairs throughout my parents' marriage. The first one I knew about, but not the first one IYSWIM, was when I was 16. My mother took him back, and my god, we also had the OW staying in our granny flat for a week or do. My mother was a SAHM, and I'm one of 6 children.
They tried all sorts of things. Counselling, clairvoyance, going on a long trip, and so on and on and on. They divorced when i was 33, around about the time my DH became very ill (oh a great year. not) It left my mother bitter, and I don't have an awful lot of time for my father.
I think my mother put up with it, because my father (a rich man) would have been terrible about the money -- this was the 1970s, and she felt she needed to keep the family together while we were growing up. But it really wasn't a good model of marriage, particularly for us daughters.
I consider myself incredibly lucky that I managed to develop a secure marriage myself -- for a long time that seemed to be more than I felt I "deserved" deep down, as the main model I had was of female martyrdom and submission, and male selfishness and emotional distance.
So I find myself very moved by stories here of women who did what my mother couldn't do until she was in her late 50s. And I find myself imagining what it must have been like for my mother. And sometimes in my darker moments i wonder why men are such utter selfish emotional cripples. I know most men are not, but my childhood experiences left a mark.
So, fireplaces IMHO you are doing a powerful thing for your children. Although I know it won't feel like that for a long time. Strength to you.