Dating thread 62 .. All welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
   
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
   
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
   
4. Trust your gut instinct;
   
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
   
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
   
7. If it's not fun, stop
   
8. loo update is mandatory

[superdooperpenguin]

I'm back after my crazy last minute holiday to the Caribbean - it was wonderful!

I'm all set to have another go with POF, praying I don't end up involved with a complete jackass this time! I have realised that I spend too much time trying to impress the person I am dating and not enough time thinking about whether they are impressing me! I am going to try very hard this time to remember 'the rules' and treat myself as the prize!

[rubbishfamily333]

Super - I think it's easy to get caught up in being liked by the other person and not checking if you like them or not. Sounds like your holiday did wonders for your mind good luck with POF!

Well mr rich kept texting and called a few times, so I replied to say I just don't want to talk anymore and feel that he keeps saying things that make me feel he wants a casual arrangement with me and I'm not interested!

Updated my POF profile and been chatting to some new guys! The guy I arranged the date with who didn't text back has been on POF today, but I'm not bothered or upset. I am finally starting to under stand it's not a personal thing to me, these guys are just crap in general

Anyway I'm just about to have a job interview! Let's see how it goes

[JoylessFucker]

Before I try to catch up properly, I just wanted to say a very big thank you to Kin and OWW who were especially kind when I was having a dating crisis. I have been having a quiet time of navel gazing to think it all through. I'm not sure that I've come to any conclusion other than I'd rather be alone than to "bag me a man" by being something different to who I truly am.

What helped in my deliberations was that I met a couple of men during this time. One with whom I gelled completely - it was an absolute meeting of minds, politics, principles, reading material, wit, sarcasm, embarrassing musical memories, the works ... and the sex was pretty enjoyable too if not amazing. With the other man, there was an absolutely perfect physical fit, but that mental spark was missing. I loved being with the former, whilst the second only scratched an itch. There is nothing like being utterly "got" is there ...

Based upon what I've learned from you wonderful vipers, I've actually stepped away from both. The second was easy, whilst the first was hard; but he is still too angry and hurt from previous experiences to be in the right place to form a relationship - a fact he acknowledges.

[superdooperpenguin]

Joyless and Rubbish we all have such similar dating experiences, it's great that we can support each other here! Girls can be so competitive with each other, it's great that we have this supportive community!

It's been a hard learning curve for me to realise that I am not being true to myself when I date these emotionally unavailable men! I end up trying to change myself or hide parts of my character to fit them which I'm not going to do anymore! Onwards and upwards ladies x

[kittykat10]

We had a slight disagreement , from a text I thought he'd added me as an inappropriate name , I was gutted but seems I'd got it wrong was all ready to say bugger off but seems a genuine mistake .

I think my past relationships seem to be affecting my trust, how do you deal with that ?

[KinNora]

Joyless I can't imagine that I was very much help at all but if I was then I'm more than happy to be of help to you, chuck.

I've been sent a message by a bloke on okc, it absolutely has to be a fake profile/photos because he is seriously (and let's bear in mind that I've hardly ever fancied men on OD) fricking gorgeous. In one of his photos he's wearing shorts - oh my good god.

[KinNora]

I thought about that Travel but I've not managed to do that on my phone in the past, I'm happy assuming it's a con and looking at his really quite spectacular 25 year old torso.

[JoylessFucker]

Ooooo ooooo oooo .... I'll do the search for you if you want to PM/message me on OKC with his details Kin not that I want to gawp or anything

[KinNora]

Arf he's just told me he's always liked older women because he 'developed early and was like 8" by high school but mom had some very helpful friends' .

I've replied saying I'm sorry he's had to deal with such a restricted height and that it must have been very difficult for him.

[JoylessFucker]

There's a rather lovely 27 year old from Belfast who regularly uses my pics as wank fodder sighs deeply at me from afar. It makes me smile ... is that bad?

[KinNora]

You're on, Joy - stand by for fake eye candy

[KinNora]

No, I am driven wild by Belfast men. Gavel.

[JoylessFucker]

Actually ... guffaw, guffaw, guffaw!!
Snigger, snigger, snigger!!

[JoylessFucker]

Just spotted a new visitor, who's a headless, shirted-open boy from Italy who is - apparently - not looking for a girlfriend. Oh bless ...

Fake eye candy up to standard Kin ... think mine are a bit pretty in comparison.

[JoylessFucker]

Oh, almost forgot I was meant to be checking him out on google images. Nothing untoward coming up ...

[KinNora]

Apart from his ' 8" ' you mean, Joy. Slightly sorry I didn't indulge him in his desire for conversation porn now.

[JoylessFucker]

Fnar, fnar

[KinNora]

Replied to Gay Paree and managed not to write 17 lines of ' please ravish me in a dashingly continental manner and then buy me patisserie and champagne '

[OhWesternWind]

Joy I've had so much support and true friendship from this thread - people on here have really helped me get myself sorted, and I'm really chuffed that it's the same for you. Sounds like you've made some hard, but right, choices. Your first man sounds like it must have been a real wrench to call it quits, but I would put money on you saving yourself a whole load of pain in the long run.

Where do you and Nora find all these nice young men? I never got ones like this! I did have a few young lads messaging me but they did not set my heart or my tuppence a-flutter , oh no.

Nora the lovely Alpha regularly feeds me on champagne and cake. It is not over-rated. Just need the ravishing bit to happen now and we're right!

[KinNora]

Listen Wine if he so much as mentions it I'll be down the Chunnel faster than you can say 'sacre bleu'.

No idea OWW, I seem to be attracting a plague of man-boys at the moment, if one of them is remotely interesting as a person I might see him but if they think waving their sexual stamina and six packs in my direction is going to win me over then they've got another think coming. .

Alpha sounds really lovely, the kind of man who believes in treating you well. Has he not had his results yet ?

[OhWesternWind]

You should meet him half way and have a bit of entente cordiale Nora. European unions seem to be the thing on this thread at the mo with you, Jules, Bant and Lorna doing her bit too.

Actually I do remember a callow virgin who wanted me to "teach" him. Shudder. Can't think of much worse. I do like a man who knows what he's doing.

Next week, got everything crossed.

[ALittleStranger]

Hmm I don't think sleeping together does mean it's automatically exclusive, but I think if you continue to sleep together it's becomes assumed that he's not still trawling the site and I think it's totally justified to use it as a prompt for the exclusivity chat. But it sounds like he's ruled that out? How did the "labels" chat go? I'd bin unless you want something v casual while you look for someone better.

[OhWesternWind]

Sorry Kitty meant to reply to you earlier but got slightly distracted - I blame Nora.

I think I've said before that it sounds like you've had a terrible time in the past, and to be honest your self-esteem and self-confidence seem shot to pieces. Have you looked into doing the Freedom programme, or having some counselling (free via your GP or WA)? Time is a great healer too, but unless you put in the time and effort to do the work, recognise the patterns etc that might not be enough by itself. I've been there too, so have far too many of us on here. It's not easy, but it's certainly doable.