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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh drunk and pissing on floor....advice pls...

178 replies

marinotvari · 15/08/2013 20:20

need some advice about drunk dh. im 7 months preg with dc1.
dh has made a habit recently of getting really drunk about once a week (occasionally more). he usually comes home around 12.30 am, flops on the bed and passes out.I find it very hard being preg and sleeping next to his farting,snoring,booze smelling self so usually get no sleep when this happens. Sad
he was out last night watching the football and he came home in his usual state, fell asleep across the bed, despite me asking him before he went out, to sleep in the sofa bed in the lounge.he woke up after an hour and started pissing ALL OVER THE FLOOR.my back was turned and I know he'd just be a abusive and nasty to me at that level of drunkenness if I had interrupted his comatose peeing, so I never said a word at the time.....but I need some advice about how to deal with this.
he didn't mention it before he left for work this morn but the carpet was obvs wet,I then text him asking if he remembered peeing on the bedroom carpet, no response.he came in from work and it hasn't been mentioned.
do I laugh this off and threaten to buy him a potty and sanitary pads if it happens again, should I get furious (I feel furious) with him and let him know how unacceptable this is, or should I wait for him to bring it up? he hasn't attempted to clean the carpet or anything yet and I'm not doing it for him.
oddly enough it doesn't smell too strong of pee. it's less than a foot away from where our cot is going.... Angry

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/08/2013 20:21

leave the bastard

yes, I am serious

JustBecauseICan · 15/08/2013 20:22

He sounds a catch.

I'd be less worried about the pissing himself than the continuous drunkenness and abusive behaviour to be honest.

Is this the man you want your child to look up to as a role model?

Bowlersarm · 15/08/2013 20:22

Don't laugh it off. It's not funny.

Has he always been like this but it hasn't mattered, or is the problem getting worse?

JustBecauseICan · 15/08/2013 20:22

And what AF said.

kutee · 15/08/2013 20:22

Seriously. Hotel, motel, out the door.

notanyanymore · 15/08/2013 20:23

In my experience this only gets worse. It's not something to laugh off, I'm sorry.

Morgause · 15/08/2013 20:23

Why are you still there? Gross.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2013 20:23

God that is disgusting. It's clear he has a serious problem with alcohol. Does he accept this?

I would be absolutely furious with him. You sent him a message telling him what he's done and he hasn't even mentioned it? That is terrible.

I think you have to make him hit rock bottom by telling him to get out and not come back until he's sorted out his alcohol problem.

SirBoobAlot · 15/08/2013 20:24

Tell him to get the hell out.

Seriously, in two months time, he is going to be a father; you want any child seeing this as behavior to look up to?

northernlurker · 15/08/2013 20:25

Abusive, nasty and regularly incredibly drunk. WHat kind of dad do you reckon he will make?
He needs to stop drinking like this. Not cut down, not do it every now and then. He needs to stop this. If he can't or won't you should leave. You cannot expose your baby to a drunk for a dad.

elQuintoConyo · 15/08/2013 20:26

What a dick.
Is he nervous about becoming a dad? If this is happening lately, then maybe that is the case.
In a moment of sobriety, tell him to buck the fuck up or fuck the fuck off. You don't need two babies to look after - especially one who is drunk and distespectful.

Have you got friends/family you can go and stay with?
Thanks

LEMisdisappointed · 15/08/2013 20:26

I hope you haven't cleaned this up - make him do it, then give him a bag - tell him to fill it with his clothes and fuck off.

He already has record for being abusive when drunk - this is a slippery slope.

Avondale · 15/08/2013 20:27

Well, you shouldn't need to say anything. If most blokes had done that, they would be mortified! He needs to clean it up, apologise and promise not to do it again.
How likely is it he will do any of those things?

AnyFucker · 15/08/2013 20:27

nervous about being a dad ?

if that is the case, he needs to piss off until he can sort his act out...what a fucking loser

Doha · 15/08/2013 20:28

This is not funny.
Unless you challenge his behaviour it will get worse and you will have 2 DC's to clean up after.
He has to shape up now npw or ship out.
Tell him if he gets into that state again he is out AND MEAN IT

Original poster
marinotvari · 15/08/2013 20:28

ltb????

it's the first time he's ever been so drunk that he's done something like this....he is normally just even nicer than normal when drunk, but when drunk and half asleep he can be moody, hence why I didn't interrupt him.

what I'd like to do is tell him if it ever happens again then he's out, I'm NOT having that around my dc. am I being a pushover by setting that boundary? I'm mortified I would even have to set that as a deal breaker in our marriage.

OP posts:
TattyPole · 15/08/2013 20:29

I'm really sorry you are going through this while pregnant. Your partner/husband is an alcoholic and you need to start planing how to leave him. You don't want to bring up your previous child with this man. It going to be hard but you can do it.

LazyMonkeyButler · 15/08/2013 20:29

Is he only abusive when drunk? If yes, then he needs to stop drinking.

If no, and he is abusive at other times (including verbally), then LTB.

I'm sorry - I'm not one to say LTB normally but I really don't like the sound of this behaviour.

TattyPole · 15/08/2013 20:30

precious child

JustBecauseICan · 15/08/2013 20:30

You are already being a pushover.

And look, less than a page in, and you are already defending him.

Charlottehere · 15/08/2013 20:31

He's a twunt

JustBecauseICan · 15/08/2013 20:31

Reread your own posts, already you've gone from him being "abusive" to "moody".

LazyMonkeyButler · 15/08/2013 20:31

x-posts. I see he is nice when sober. In that case then yes, I would think that a "do it again & you're out" ultimatum is fair.

Plus, he needs to give the carpet a thorough clean.

Wonderstuff · 15/08/2013 20:32

I'd go ballistic. I don't know if I'd kick him out, I've never been in that situation, I might give him an ultimatum, do it again and you leave. I would start locking the doors when I went to bed. If he wants to go out drinking to all hours he can find somewhere else to sleep.

Doha · 15/08/2013 20:34

Oh and l would be asking him when he intends to shampoo the piss filled carpet.