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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 61

999 replies

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 21:44

BOOM!

OP posts:
Original poster
lurkinglorna · 10/08/2013 22:11

My first meets both went well they both want to see me again and this is fairly reciprocated. Low key no booze together very nice Smile

Bit of an existential crisis now. I'm trying to work out if I want a lover or a boyfriend. I'd say both the guys today were boyfriend material (do sedate things together, share interests, take things slowly) But then again, given I might be upping sticks soon, do I just want to take a lover to see out the summer? Confused

In which case I might re-chance it with the shouty european - alcohol and chemistry and cock, we don't have to like each other, or maybe Dr Pashing can develop into something?

Hmm
OP posts:
Ginocchio · 10/08/2013 22:12

High fives Lorna That's awesome, thanks!

Djangounhinged · 10/08/2013 22:26

Evening all,

Firstly, huge thanks to all of you who took the time to comment on my profile today - I am hidden again on POF until I make some adjustment. Would still love to hear from those of you who offered but haven't had a chance to look yet!

Gin I still owe you some comments, will do so tonight.

Yoga welcome back to the thread! I like POF because it has the most traffic, I hide and message first.... Although being unhidden today has thrown up a couple of new leads -and several spuds

48 I'm glad you're not going out, enjoy the reunion Smile

Re. sober dates. I'm a lush someone who enjoys a drink and quite often uses a quick vodka for confidence purposes, but I have to say I prefer a first meet to be a sober occasion. No idea why, it just seems less pressured, you both have to focus on each other rather than fighting your way to the bar / waiting whilst the other fights their way to the bar.

Djangounhinged · 10/08/2013 22:34

Lorna two good dates in one weekend, go you!

I feel equally in crisis about this but for different reasons - two decent leads today, one is lovely, the other probably a shag merchant. I'm immediately more drawn to the SM, so I guess I'm still not "available" for a proper, grown up relationship myself....

Anyway probably won't hear anything more from them so I needn't worry!

Ham sorry he's gone cold again. He could just be withdrawing a bit because he doesn't want to fuck things up with you... In which case he could very well come back in a day or two with an offer of a second date. I guess you can choose to wait and see, or just draw a line and move on to the next first date. Either way, it's not a reflection on you, more a reflection on where he's at with himself. Thanks to you.

Original poster
lurkinglorna · 10/08/2013 22:36

D can imagine you've got a lot of comments, but please do feel free to pm any time if you fancy extra feedback Smile

Yeah, just coffee/tea and walking round park! Very sober and "non sexualised" although they were both very fanciable (the designer has "bike forearms" and I couldn't take my eyes off the architects incredibly pert arse).

In contrast: 3 drinks the first meet with European, one of which was a cocktail, and Dr Pashing upgraded my 2nd to a large glass then got a bottle of wine with dinner and a nightcap Hmm. I was pished and then some!

Maybe that's the difference between "lover" material and "long term" material, who knows?

OP posts:
Original poster
lurkinglorna · 10/08/2013 22:38

D it is interesting the choices we're inclined towards! I think sometimes I don't "call myself out" on my own emotional ambiguity but actually being in the dating process clarifies it! Smile

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 10/08/2013 22:38

Hi Django - have you name changed, i don't recognise the name? Can't decide whether to unhide or not - there are some faces I recognise on POF that I don't want contacting me.

Original poster
lurkinglorna · 10/08/2013 22:51

you're welcome gin Smile

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 10/08/2013 23:06

Still bored so decided to unhide for a while and I've had a marriage proposal! I have to say that's better than some of the proposals I've had on POF in the past! Grin

MirandaWest · 10/08/2013 23:06

Hello :)

Am having a bath and a beer in holiday cottage in Northumberland :) having finally got DC into bed Grin. Hopefully should mean a lie in tomorrow. Is times like going on holiday that make me feel properly a sing,e parent iykwim (although Mr Nice did come along to offer moral support on placement of bikes on bike carrier before we left. Plus he is coming here tomorrow for three nights. Hoping everyone gets along smoothly at least and that I have enjoyable nights Wink)

Was meaning to say about Bants dating scale thing and Mr Nice was probably a 3 or maybe a 2.5 on first meeting. Feelings grew as we dated (and when he told a breakdown person I was his girlfriend I did feel very happy :))

Suppose I am a success story but I think due to various things I did or didn't do during my marriage I am fairly aware of things like that if that makes any sense. Mr nice and I have discussed living together but not for a few years yet am impatient even though it makes practical sense and does make it extra good when we do see each other

Yogagirl17 · 10/08/2013 23:25

Hi Miranda! Feeling cheered by all the success stories.

Now I've been messaged by a guy I've chatted to before and I can't remember his name! Pretty sure he's forgotten mine as well though as he's just said 'hi stranger'.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 10/08/2013 23:30

Bit meh tonight. Feeling loads better physically, but had a conversation with Mr Lovely tonight which has left me decidedly down. I can't go into too much detail kn here but it felt like he was making light of things in my past which are very serious and have changed who I am. More than that really. I guess I feel like he was laughing at me. I think its time to say goodbyeto him. I'm happy tp laugh about most things but vviolence is not one of them.

Djangounhinged · 10/08/2013 23:30

Thanks Lorna will PM you Smile

Yoga I was possibly only lurking when you were posting on here before, so I recognise you but you don't know me... Never had a marriage proposal on POF, is he nice??!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 10/08/2013 23:31

Sorry about the typos. I'm on my tablet which has rubbish auto correct.

Djangounhinged · 10/08/2013 23:36

Title sorry to hear that, I'm not surprised you're upset. Do you think it was just a misguided attempt to make light of it, because he didn't know what to say otherwise? Does he know how much his response upset you? Thanks

MirandaWest · 10/08/2013 23:39

Title that's :(

Mr Nice enjoys teasing but I'm crap at being teased and sometimes he goes further than is comfortable for me without realising that it makes me feel rubbish. I do tell him and I think message gets through, but its never been about anything like violence.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 10/08/2013 23:46

No. He doesn't know because I just ended the conversation. I'm going to have to talk to him tomorrow I think. It happened once before. I put it down to a misguided attempt to make light and change the subject then, but this was proper laughing. I said twice in a very straight voice 'its not funny' but he either didn't hear, or worse: didn't care.

I just can't deal with that. I'm such an anti-stereotype that I have a hard enough job dealing with the disbelief in my life as it is. I'm not about to start taking it from someone who is meant to have my back.

I think I must be a really shit judge of character Sad

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 10/08/2013 23:52

Ah fuckit. Think I'll have a good old-fashioned wail to set me up for the night. A bit of selfindulgent catharsis!

grinchie · 10/08/2013 23:56

scrazy I agree entirely, a lot of it is luck and timing.
Although from his profile I thought we would be a good fit you can?t blag chemistry, that?s the luck bit.

just yes a whirlwind, 10 months so far.

Lorna that?s great, which one do you like best at the moment?

Miranda that?s horrible, if you?ve told him and he?s still doing it then that?s insensitive and I think it?s unpleasant too.

Yogagirl17 · 10/08/2013 23:57

Hi Title. Sorry to just jump in because I haven't been following but that's not on...and not a good start to anything good. Either he doesn't care - which is shit - or he doesn't know how to show support and empathy which is going to leave you feeling very lonely. :(

Djangounhinged · 10/08/2013 23:58

I don't think you're a shit judge of character at all, sounds like you may well have the measure of this one. No-one has the right to minimise your feelings like that.

i agree that, for your own sense of fairness, you could give him one last chance to respond to you appropriately. And if he still doesn't get it, I think you're absolutely right to end it and walk away.

Hope it goes well for you, come back for support here if you need it Thanks

grinchie · 10/08/2013 23:58

And Title I don't think that makes you a shit judge of character, it can take a while to see someone's true colours.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 11/08/2013 00:01

Oh, you guys. You're such a poor excuse for a nest of vipers

Thanks
Original poster
lurkinglorna · 11/08/2013 00:02

Title seconding what Django said Thanks

Have a good cry, you're allowed to be sad, please don't think you're stupid or a bad judge of character.

People aren't "monoliths" . So you can accept he had some good qualities which you liked and were right to be drawn to - don't be ashamed about your emotions in liking those - and some bad points too.

OP posts:
grinchie · 11/08/2013 00:03

Oh and Just I didn't need to reconsider the friendship, Ms Naysayer has now got it together with my STBXH Grin.
Now I don't believe in Karma but.......

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