The Dating Thread - episode 61

[lurkinglorna]

BOOM!

At the risk of sounding like a total teenager

O. M. G.

etc etc

Lovely meal out with Alpha, he invited himself in for a cup of tea. No tea was had. He's just gone home now. Amazing. I think this is going to go very well indeed.

Didn't actually go all the way but blimey what we did do was well worth waiting for.

This man is wonderful, he really is. Honestly can't believe I've met someone like this on OD.

@ OWW

And a little bit

OWW I am so pleased for you

Oh and Miranda well done!! I don't know how you do it .. I don't even let my (very!!)STBXH over the door

Miranda you are amazing. Bit early but here

OWW I am more than a little

Oh and Snape, I am very for you.

Morning Thread!

Morning Kirsty you're up early. How are you?

My head is full of broken bottles WFF .. Moving out of my rented flat on Thursday .. Hopefully moving into my new house but depends on when the carpets can be laid and I've been promised that the work on the house will be finished ( new kitchen , bathroom, flooring, decorated ) .. I've cleaned out drawers and the oven since 4am

FoF continues to be lovely .. He has been away this weekend but is coming over tonight .. My DD8 had a chat with him on the phone when he called last night .. I am so pleased that they get on :)

How are you?

OWW I am very for you

Thank you everyone for the praise on my weekend - I don't feel especially amazing but maybe I am a better person than I think I am. Everyone else still asleep here which is nice :)

OWW - also very for you.

I ended up meeting Derby last night, we had a couple of drinks and chatted for a few hours - she is very nice. I'd give her three and a half penguins. Maybe 4. There's lots of chemistry there and she made me laugh a few times. I did not, I should say, fall madly in love with her

I think I have to have some kind of chat with Mermaid about what's going on - I'm happy to be the general amiable man about town if Mermaid is still seeing those guys, and see where things go with her when I see her, I really don't want to withdraw into my shell and not socialise because I'm pining for someone a third of the world away. But also I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on anyone.

Not sure whether to see Derby again. I'd like to.

As to the question about the blog upthread - my personal perspective is that men are generally more romantic than women, who are a bit more pragmatic. The thing about women on the same level as a man being swooped upon by more good looking men sounds like something written by an insecure man though, to be honest. I've seen it's not about looks so much, it's confidence, humour and a few other things other than just looks that attract women of all kinds.

And I'd rather be with a 7 that was funny than a 9 who was dull. Just look at CheshireCat. A 28 year old model who was so dull that I would prefer to go back to OD and try and find someone interesting rather than continue seeing her. Derby is a funny 7. Mermaid is a funny 8. CheshireCat was a dull 9, Aruba was a somewhat zany 8.

Snape - also very for you.

[antimatter] - it's not all men, and it's not just men. I had two dates with a girl where there was lots of chemistry, kisses goodnight, there seemed to be a real connection, then she just vanished before our planned 3rd date. No one finds it easy to say 'sorry I'm just not that into you' but it is polite to do it after a second date at least. It can, however, lead to being on the receiving end of bad poetry as a response.

Bant - it's a society thing too - the idea that you should be with the most good looking partner you can. I have had some cutting comments from friends that range from 'I wouldn't have put you with him' to 'he's punching above his weight'. Never mind if they were smart or funny or nice to me or good in bed! Even my bf who is the least shallow of my friends has made remarks about mr hot and cold.

The conventionally good looking types I have been out with we self obsessed and borderline narcissists.
That said some really interesting blokes I've met have been crippled by lack of confidence.

Then there's what happens about insecurity and jealousy. Sigh it's complicated

OWW amazing

It is complicated, Ham, I agree. I showed my friends photos of the men I've been chatting to and they made huge snap decisions. No matter that they've not met them (nor have I!) or not been party to the conversations that we've been having where I've been laughing my socks off!

Anyway, date yesterday didn't happen as I've not been well again. Think my rl stress is contributing to my overall health and I'm getting a bit run down and drained.

However, I'm in a bit of a quandry now. I've been chatting to all these lovely men, setting up dates with two of them. But (and it is a big but) I think I'm falling for Mr RL more and more. Its beginning to get me down because I don't know what he wants. He's always so flirty and makes excuses to see me but then never actually comes to the point and asks me out.

I don't want to push the issue because being so close to home, it could make like really awkward if its not reciprocated. And I've also been thinking that I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. But now I'm not so sure. It's very hard seeing him, having him be so flirty and chatty and lovely but not being able to do anything about it.

Oh, I'm so confused! When I was a teenager feeling like this I assumed that by the time I'd reached the grand age I am (bearing in mind anything past thirty was ancient then ) I'd be sorted in every way. Life seemed so easy for adults when I was 15!

Oh I know Title Mr RL really needs to sh1t or get off the pot (oh how I love that saying )

I would just put him mentally to one side and get on about my business. And it won't be awkward because you won't let it be awkward. Take control

Kirsty, ran off to work. I am fine according to all sources

Too many 's in my posts

Totally agree with all above re looks. It's a red herring. Good looking people are not funnier, cleverer or better in bed and they tend to be vain.

Can you tell I had a very good looking last ex? :)

God knows what I am now- probably a maximum 6, lol- and i don't tend to 'mark' men either. It's just a feeling.

Cityboy is very cute but I'm gettin the wrong vibes re Pictures etc as you have all said. But also a lot of very nice stuff about how much he likes me as a person and an apology for 'coming across like a player'. Hmm

Hey Hostess, re: looks, I don't rate either, usually let my fanjo tell what the deal is (WFF is on the way to the gym to beat her libido into submission....)

hostess he sounds confused and not too sure who he is. Is he newly single out if a long term relationship? If so that might be the reason. I've been a bit all over the place trying out different things/ roles till you find the one that fits. I'd hate the picture request though!

How do you feel about him?

Morning all. OWW

Hostess - in my (admitedly not vast) experience, if he's coming across as a player he is probably a player. Sorry but better to weed them out early.

It seems to me that most of the couples i know I would say the woman is more attractive than her partner. Never been quite sure why but maybe it works to our advantage. The really good looking men do seem to know it and either always have it at the back of their mind that they could 'get' someone else if they want or insist on a partner who lives up to a certain standard, so to speak. Can't tell you how many profiles I've read from good looking men who are looking for someone who "looks after themselves". I read this to mean that if you put on 10lbs somewhere down the line, he's going to ditch you.

On the whole looks issue I really struggle. I honestly don't know what my level of pull is. I tend to only get messages from really ugly/ undesirable people that message everyone.

I really couldn't say what score I am. Think I look okay ish and I try to look my best. ive lost wuite a lot of weight and different now to when i was married but the old self confidence issues are still lingering! As a result I'm just not too sure what to go for in a man looks wise. I just love it if they make me laugh and get my brain going. I like someone to stretch me mentally!! I don't want a stunner just someone with a special something! Guess that's what we all want

Hostess I've been following your posts and the Pictures thing, it really doesn't sound like you're comfortable at all. You are the prize, make sure he works for you in person and gives you what you want. Just because what's on offer seems flattering, it doesn't mean its right for you.

Ham agree about friends being judgey on looks of prospectives especially when they are older. Its like they think the average 40/50 yr old is typically built like a photoshopped cleb/mr Clooney. In fact I don't think I've ever had a positive comment on looks from any RL friends about OD men.

OWW whoohooooooo! fantastic news, you must be walking on air today

Bant Derby sounds great, and she's got your interest... do hope you see her again

Dutchie arrives on Wednesday for a while, I love this one way ticket business we've fallen into. There's never any angst it's always just get here when you can and stay as long as you can both ways

Title meant to say I'd keep RL as a back burner whilst you enjoy your other prospects.

hostess juliette has put it far more eloquently than me. Go with your gut...!

juliette brilliant how things are going with dutchie.

Love is definitely in the air around here

5 kids man is calling me tonight! Eeeek! What the hell do we talk about???

Yeah my gut is very ambivalent. He's 2 years separated from marriage to a childhood sweetheart. Nice fun guy and I don't mind casual but I like that to be straight up. He's giving me mixed messages and that's a bit :/

No other options tho and as warm fuzzy says, libido is dominating over reason ATM.

My gut is he's going to end up a fun fwb but he seems to want more than that eg texting a LOT every day (just chatty), suggesting things for future dates as we are both sf geeks erc.

Snape loved up after 8 months sounds so fantastic!!! Long live snameless!!

And oww- have followed you for a while and you deserve alpha!! Fantastic stuff.

Anyone else getting loads of fantastic interesting messages... From people across the bloody Atlantic? Surely they know long distance don't work?? Frustrating tho, one bloke in Montreal ticks every box ever. Bah

(Bant could you perhaps enlighten on how you see an ldr working... Expensive and infrequent no doubt... And if you have kids with you regularly as I do, logistically pretty impossible...)

Juliette meant to congratulate you on Dutchie long ago.... Sounds so relaxed and fun!

Pomegranate eek 5 kids! Would not put me off actually but in long term it's a lot to take on eh :) (tho sure you're not thinking that far ahead)

I am still very this morning, am at the stage when I just want to witter on about how lovely he is, but it's very tedious, so I won't.

Worrying myself a bit about how I feel about this man. It's not been that long, couple of months, but I really think I'm falling for him and that's scaring me a bit. On the other hand, he does seem to like me too so maybe it will be okay. I'm actually very scared of falling in love with him and it all going wrong again

The looks thing is very interesting, and I'm glad I'm not alone in not really going for handsome men. In fact I have a bit of a distrust of very good looking men which probably isn't very fair but my experience of them (either directly or via friends) hasn't been good. But there is a fair number of tits amongst the less-good-looking male population too ...

Hostess if he asked for Pictures once, you said no then he shut up about it then I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt for a while - if he is a player then there will be other signs. But if you feel something isnt right, there's no need to carry on

Title keep all your options open, don't get too hung up on MrRL until/unless it turns into something. How would you feel about asking him for a drink, then at least you'd know?

Juliette so pleased for you that all is well with the lovely Dutch. How did the open day go?

Bant now I like the sound of Derby as well! I think having a chat with Mermaid is a good plan.

Hello everyone else!