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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread - episode 61

999 replies

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 21:44

BOOM!

OP posts:
Ginocchio · 16/08/2013 23:28

Someone make me stop please. I've resorted to writing utter rubbish to people, in the interest of drawing a response.

Have just written a long message to someone, wondering about the back story to her mashed potato dislike. It was funny when I started writing it. I highly doubt it will be by the time she reads it...

Any tips on what kind of message would make you more likely to respond?

Yogagirl17 · 16/08/2013 23:38

mashed potato dislike Hmm

To be honest I would be more likely to respond to a long if rambling and not-quite-funny message than something brief and impersonal but clearly designed to impress like 'I'm just back from a brilliant holiday in San Francisco/Barbados/climbing Everest'. I like messages that are personal and chatty (without oversharing too early on - I don't need to know your medical history and passport number before we've even met). Don't kown if that's helpful at all.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 16/08/2013 23:39

Miranda - I am also baffled at my choice of exh!

Ginocchio - I like the genuine messages - hi I like your profile want to chat type things - or is that old hat on POF?

Ginocchio · 17/08/2013 00:00

Yoga tbh I'm not sure I could date someone who didn't like mashed potato...

Ham Yeah, haven't been getting any much luck with that approach, or the carefully crafted message, so I thought I'd write some bollocks thing different.

MirandaWest · 17/08/2013 01:14

Xh stopped talking (and drinking wine) at last.

Shall see how the rest of the weekend goes. My main reason for inviting him here is that we are away for two weeks and due to when he was away with his gf if he hadnt come here then he wouldn't have seen the DC for nearly 3 weeks which he wasn't keen on (even without his going away it would have been two weeks) so I can cope.

Flipper934 · 17/08/2013 02:04

I defo couldn't date someone who didn't like mashed potato, so amusing as your message undoubtably is, Gin, I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Miranda, heaven, if I believed in such things, would have a special comfy swing seat in it just for you.

OWW, very pleased for you.

The mimsy thing with armbands and a cushion has just made me splutter on my cava. Genius.

Flipper934 · 17/08/2013 02:07

Oh, and MA just left after a lovely evening. He may now think I'm nuts and decide that he never wants to see me again, but hey ho.

KinNora · 17/08/2013 06:49

Morning everyone,

Flipper why might MA think you're nuts ? glad you had a lovely evening though.

Gin I'm going against the majority here, I'd be pretty much guaranteed to respond to a slightly off the wall, funny message, one bloke I went out with started off by sending me a shortish email asking whether I'd choose an unarmed fight with a polar bear or a crocodile ( he said that I was the only woman who'd not only answered but given a detailed reason for my answer ).
Mind you, I'm clearly no expert - no replies from Gay Paree or BBC ( Bastard of Barry and Clint) - I'm obviously never going to have sex ever again.

Have a fabulous Saturday everyone.

Kirstywirsty · 17/08/2013 07:53

Brilliant news snape

bant can't understand why you are considering the Hungarian when you are heading for lovedom with the mermaid??

OWW hope you have fun with Alpha today you'll be glad to see he is ok

yoga nothing ventured and all that .. Just meet SnS

I saw FoF every day at some point from Sunday till Thursday this last week .. He stayed over Sunday , Tuesday and Wednesday and we travelled home on the train on Monday ,Wednesday and Thursday ( he saw his girls Tuesday evening) all going swimmingly .. He sends me soppy messages but is cheeky enough to get away with it. He's away this weekend (paragliding) so provided he gets back in one piece I am seeing him tomorrow ( and Tuesday and Wednesday )

OhWesternWind · 17/08/2013 07:57

Morning all! Happy Saturday! Am feeling infuriatingly chipper this morning but a spot of school uniform shopping will soon knock that out of me I'm sure.

What happened Flipper?

Gin I think I said before, but try a different site if PoF isn't working for you. There's nothing wrong with your messages as far as I can see - just keep going .... I'd reply Smile

Morning Nora lovely

Miranda you are fab - hope you get through today just as well

OhWesternWind · 17/08/2013 08:09

Oh sorry Yoga meant to say that I like the look of S&S - seems like a nice bloke. I'd go for it. No problem with the s&s combo but someone's fashion faux pas would have to be baaaaaaad to put me off as I'm not exactly on trend myself.

Kirsty just Grin

Bant · 17/08/2013 08:19

I dunno Kirsty - problem is it's a 4 day weekend here. I can do some work I suppose, but pretty much all the people I know here are either out of the country, out of the city for a holiday break, or sick.

The Mermaid is on a bachelorette party, and I'm going to be bored all weekend. I can skype the DC but my exMIL (whose house their staying at) particularly loathes me at the moment and generally tends to have 'accidentally' arranged to take them somewhere five minutes into the call.

And part of me thinks that being in an exclusive relationship with someone 9000 miles away, who I will only see once every 6 weeks or so maximum, and often less than that, is a bad idea, no matter how nice they are. And we haven't DTD.

So. I can meet up with Derby (the Hungarian, she texted me questions about the Epsom Derby which I completely failed to answer correctly) or I can sit on my hands and chat on here for 4 days. And I'd quite like some human contact other than my pidgin hungarian with waiters.

Chances are, if we met for dinner, I'd see I'd had beer goggles on when we met and it would just be a chat. She was interesting, but a bit sad for some reason, I remember that much.

Yogagirl17 · 17/08/2013 09:15

Bant I'd meet the Hungarian. Like you said - u and the Mermaid haven't DTD (don't like that phrase, what happened to having Coffee...or was that too confusing?) and haven't yet talked about being in an exclusive relationship and it may turn out that when you do have that conversation, one or both of you may decide that as much as you like each other, 9000 miles is a bit much to overcome. And dinner with the Hungarian may be just that - dinner & some adult conversation.

And just for clarification - I don't actually know that SnS wears socks with sandals (would it be bad form to ask?). Looks like we're going to meet for coffee or a drink one night next week but haven't fixed the details yet.

Flipper934 · 17/08/2013 09:16

OWW and Nora, no particular reason, it's just one of those 'oh god, now he's getting to know the real me, he'll see how nuts I am' moments.

I mean nuts in a nice way, in that we all have our quirks, and baggage etc.

Nora, Gin, those sorts of messages are what I dream of getting.

Bant, is there a reason for the public holiday? Will there be cultural events and entertainment and the like that you could go to, and meet people? You sound like you're trying to justify doing the dirty on The Mermaid, by reasoning away the relationship, which suggests you're feeling guilty for thinking about it, and therefore should not be doing it.

Sorry for poorly constructed sentences, am still tired.

Flipper934 · 17/08/2013 09:18

Yoga, I'd have to ask, but I think he looks alright. That would pass for good looking in these parts.

OhWesternWind · 17/08/2013 09:27

At the moment I'm wearing socks and fluffy slippers ... Even better if he's not actually a SnS in reality Yoga. Drinks next week sounds good.

If that's all Flipper he will just like you all the more for it.

Bant do you need to meet up with Mermaid before too long and talk about how you're going to tackle this long distance thing? Longer term, is there a possibility of either of you relocating? I think this kind of thing is sustainable for a while but not as a long-term thing. Really hope you can work something out as she sounds lovely.

Bant · 17/08/2013 09:34

Flipper - I don't think it's doing the dirty on the mermaid, she's still seeing two other guys as far as I know - we haven't talked about it as, I suppose, for both of us having that discussion leads to a discussion about exclusivity or non-exclusivity, which does seem kind of ridiculous given the distance.

She did talk about possibly spending some time teaching in Europe instead of the US - she met some friends of mine here who had done the same thing - but she then said she wouldn't move here, she'd do Sweden or Norway. Which led me to think either she wants me to persuade her to try here, which I can't do given that we've seen each other once in the last three years, we don't know what's going on and I'm not sure how long I'd be here anyway. Or possibly she doesn't get the fact that Norway isn't just a quick hop away from hungary and it would be a long distance thing anyway.

There are events happening, it's just everything seems to be written in hungarian as it's a national hungarian holiday. I'll try and find more out I guess.

The Mermaid is lovely, sweet, and funny, but we haven't talked about what's going on between us, apart from liking each other and missing each other, because the distance is just so stupidly big we have to arrange our skype calls either late night for her, early morning for me or during her lunchbreak, and 9 pm for me. I think I'm going to have to tell her we're going to have to reduce the skype calls because if they continue I'm going to start really liking her a huge amount and the distance can't work. So we can be long distance friends with benefits or something, which itself will be crap because there's more than just 'friends' there..

I really do like her a lot. More than like her. But I'll only get to see her maybe 8 times a year. And the rest of the time I'd be living like a monk. I really don't want to end up in that situation, if only because of the haircut.

Yogagirl17 · 17/08/2013 09:44

Bant well if she's still seeing other guys then definitely have dinner with the Hungarian.

Another guy on POF i've been chatting with (not SnS) just told me his ideal place to live - anywhere in the world - would be South Beach, Miami! Really?? Shock Hmm Not going to bother to give this one a name, he's not going to last long enough. South Beach...blurgh.

Yogagirl17 · 17/08/2013 09:45

Ooh!!! Just realised you can see his feet in the second photo. There are sandals....but no socks!!! Phew! Smile

JulietteMontague · 17/08/2013 10:59

Yoga South Beach? I feel your pain and fwiw I was put off an ex for saying Florida Keys were his fav place in the world.

I feel responsible for casting aspersions on SandS. May I remind everyone that I only suggested the potential for sockage.

Bant meet Derby. It's dinner, coffee, chat whatever and if you and Mermaid were exclusive you would have both assumed it by now. You are in the intensity of the Skype bubble, but it's no substitute for sharing a walk. Anyway, since when did you even get a kiss from a Hungarian first date you are do going to get laid now Grin

Llareggub · 17/08/2013 11:23

Just thought I'd pop on and let you know how my date went. It was great, but my stepmother made me drink a few glasses of wine for courage first and after not much to eat I felt quite drunk.

It was awful. Actually, he was lovely, and fun and we had a great time, but I got stupidly drunk and woke up this morning feeling like I'd blown it. But then I had a message from him saying that it didn't matter and I was lovely, great company and sexy :-) hurrah! He has suggested a lovely sounding second date too. I guess I need a name for him: I am going to go for The Writer

JulietteMontague · 17/08/2013 11:36

Ll that sounds great! go you Smile

BillMasen · 17/08/2013 12:10

I'm having that sort of Saturday where you're child free, and really really want to go out for the evening but no-one is able to! Bloody mates having social lives of their own. How dare they!

Bant · 17/08/2013 12:14

fancy a pint in Budapest, Bill? All my mates are away this weekend.

Oh, it's a quid a pint and the women are stunning.

:)

BillMasen · 17/08/2013 12:17
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