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Original poster

What do you make of this text exchange?

146 replies

happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:09

Had a gut feeling so checked dh phone. Messages between him and another woman. I know who this woman is he calls her a friend. Seen a few text exchanges berween them including.

DH: Call me at 9:30

OW: I will call once he has gone to work.

And

DH: Is 11 o clock ok

OW: I can meet you in town or are you free Saturday.

I have not confronted him I want to see some more evidence I dont want him to squirm out of it. I have been cheated on before I dont trust my own judgement. Am i crazy or is this suspect?

OP posts:
something2say · 08/08/2013 20:13

Hmm well I don't know. There's no flirting, it's all just straight up trying to arrange to meet. Sounds like an exchange I am having with my best male friend of years and years.....no need for politeness, just when and where. Don't call him for months but have been known to, and he will move heaven and earth to get back to me cos he always supposes its a man that has upset me!!!!

But did this man cheat on you or a past man, and what's your current guy like, do you trust him or do you still have trust issues all around after the cheater?

TheSecondComing · 08/08/2013 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:17

He has cheated on me. We worked through it. Things were going well so I thought. He's my husband of ten years. I dont trust him but I cant imagine trusting anyone ever I just feel numb. I really am crazy arent I?

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 08/08/2013 20:17

There is an app you can put on his phone and it will send all text to and from his phone to a Google mail account.

something2say · 08/08/2013 20:20

Maybe she is his friend and she has had a row with her husband and wants to talk to him when he is not there?

But no you are not crazy, if he has form then that changes the game in my view,

Also you deserve to trust otherwise that may make you feel very alone...

something2say · 08/08/2013 20:21

Surely putting an app on your partners phone is off key? If it has come to that..??

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:21

His phone is old school he doesnt get apps. Im just gonna have to keep checking. I know he deletes stuff. He's not a big texter. I get the impression he has to text as she is married to know when to call her.

OP posts:
myroomisatip · 08/08/2013 20:28

Does he ever mention that he is meeting this 'friend'?

If he has cheated before then I do not blame you for feeling suspicious.

Would it be totally out of the question to buy him a nice new shiney phone? With lots of clever apps? Maybe you could accidentally drop his in the washing up bowl..... Grin

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 20:32

Does he have "missing time"?

My ex didn't as they used to leave work early and arrive home just a bit late.

What would he normally be doing on Saturday?

bluestar2 · 08/08/2013 20:38

Something isn't right. Why would she have to wait for husband to go to work to call?
Say nothing for now it. It could be innocent. Where would he usually go on Saturday? Any way you can follow ?

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:41

He never talks about this woman. She is a recently acquired "friend". He does have missing time we are not a couple who spend all free time together so this is not something new. I got the feeling he wanted to get out tonight he told me he was popping out and would drop me at my mums. But the kids ended up tagging along with him. He soon returned when he had said earlier he might be gone for a while. Then again that may just be my crazy brain in overdrive argh!

OP posts:
piratecat · 08/08/2013 20:41

you're not going mad.

Coconutty · 08/08/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:43

Also Im waiting to see what happens saturday. If there is any strange behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:46

Im not mad am I, although Im sure he would like me to believe I am. If this turns out to be what I think it is I am fully prepared to end my marriage.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 20:58

OP, I would advise you to sit it out for a bit - watch and learn.

I do know how hard that is.

I'm going to PM you - check your box in about five minutes.

CoffeeandScones · 08/08/2013 21:04

Unless you know he's meeting her (why would he not tell you?), seems a bit suspect.

Why not ask him what he did on X morning, and see if her name comes up? Don't push it too much, just a casual question.

StraightJacket · 08/08/2013 21:06

If he goes out Saturday, ask him in a nice way like "Off anywhere nice?" And see what he says. If he says he is off to meet this woman, then I would take his honesty as meaning something. But if he doesn't, I would be keeping a seriously close eye on him.

Any way you could follow him or get a relative or friend to?

Arranging meet ups and calls isn't fishy in itself, it is the secrecy and doing so behind yours and her husbands back that makes it fishy.

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 21:13

Yes, I would ask where he's going, even if you say "Are you going near Tesco?" or something like that.

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 21:15

Thanks for all your replies. It really helps having people to talk to. I know I have to sit this one out I dont want to alert him to the fact I have been checking his phone so he can turn this round on me. He has always been a secretive person I dont think he wants me to feel comfortable in the relationship.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 21:17

Oh that's not a nice feeling.

I've sent you a PM, OP.

Original poster
happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 21:17

I will ask where hes going if he announces hes off out on saturday and see how he reacts.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/08/2013 21:18

Try to say it casually, though, and see how long it takes him to respond. It can be easier if you're not looking at him at the time.

TheSecondComing · 08/08/2013 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mcmooncup · 08/08/2013 23:19

Hmmmm highly suspect. It sounds as though your marriage doesn't make you that happy anyway...

What's this all about?? "He has always been a secretive person I dont think he wants me to feel comfortable in the relationship." That sounds mean Sad

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