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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What do you make of this text exchange?

146 replies

happinessisfree · 08/08/2013 20:09

Had a gut feeling so checked dh phone. Messages between him and another woman. I know who this woman is he calls her a friend. Seen a few text exchanges berween them including.

DH: Call me at 9:30

OW: I will call once he has gone to work.

And

DH: Is 11 o clock ok

OW: I can meet you in town or are you free Saturday.

I have not confronted him I want to see some more evidence I dont want him to squirm out of it. I have been cheated on before I dont trust my own judgement. Am i crazy or is this suspect?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 08/08/2013 23:26

He doesn't want you to feel comfortable in the relationship? What does that mean, he wants to keep you guessing so that you'll try harder to keep him?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/08/2013 23:34

I don't think it's your imagination at all, sorry. Sounds like he's keeping it all to a minimum so it's all "deniable". Where did they meet? Does she live near you?

JustBecauseICan · 09/08/2013 06:46

Where will he be at 9.30? And 11?

At work?

It's definitely not your imagination and you're definitely not going mad.

MortifiedAdams · 09/08/2013 06:57

Definetly dodgy.

KristinaM · 09/08/2013 07:03

I agree, defo dodgy. I'd watch and wait to get more evidence before I made a move.

Hissy · 09/08/2013 08:36

As excruciating as it is, i'd wait to see what happens on Saturday.

It does sound suspect. :(

hellsbellsmelons · 09/08/2013 15:12

I dont think he wants me to feel comfortable in the relationship
What??
Why???
This is not good. If you aren't comfortable in a relationship then what is the point in being in it?
Those texts are very suspect as well.
If you get a chance to get his phone again - check the deleted texts, they may still be there and may give you more of a clue.

Amiee · 09/08/2013 15:24

I think this does seem suspicious.
Sorry. I would definitely make sure you know before doing anything. Catch him red handed or he'll try to convince you that your mad and its easily done when you dont want to except the truth, believe me.
I really hope Im wrong. Good luck, stay strong.

Original poster

happinessisfree · 09/08/2013 17:06

Yes I havent said anything as yet just waiting to see what happens tomorrow and general dodgy behaviour.

I think I was being flippant when I said he doesnt want me to feel comfortable yesterday just feeling generally frustrated with the whole situation. Its not a perfect relationship but obviously there is some good or I wouldnt still be in it.

This friend is someone who lives nearby, I have no idea how they got talking or exchanged numbers.

Ive gone from feeling defiant yesterday to quite sad today.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2013 17:47

I completely understand the sadness. It's the thought that something you valued wasn't valued in return.

Love, honour and cherish - when a partner cheats they have to do a hell of a lot of that in order to get the relationship back to where it was, if that's even possible.

Without it, well, you're left with just a shell.

Would you ask him how he knows her, or do you think he wouldn't tell you the truth? Do you know her?

moveonnow · 09/08/2013 18:11

I'm going through some shit myself at the min, so probably not best placed to advise but I'll just add this: you had gut instinct to look, listen to that gut. All the best, I hope it's innocent

Hissy · 10/08/2013 09:16

Thinking of you today OP. Stay strong!

JustinBsMum · 10/08/2013 10:05

You could phone her home no and ask to speak to her at the time he is out. Pretend you are selling something. Or even ask her DH if he suspects anything.

Original poster

happinessisfree · 10/08/2013 11:41

Thank you for all your messages. Well todays the day. Im taking the kids to a fun day and surprise he doesnt know if he's coming, might just stay home and chill. Whatever well im going to take the children and have a nice day out. He's not ruining our day and we will see what happens later.

I dont have her house number so cant call that also not friendly with her husband. Hes so dumb if he is seeing her the evidend will be on his phone later.

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 10/08/2013 11:46

In your shoes id be tempted to get someone else to take the dcs and you follow him.

MissMarplesBloomers · 10/08/2013 11:49

Can you get a friend to drop in unexpectedly with "something I've been meanign to drop off for Happiness for ages" ?

StraightJacket · 10/08/2013 12:08

Yes, I would definitely set something up to see if he does just stay in.

Fairenuff · 10/08/2013 12:09

Get a friend to have the dcs. Wait until he leave the house, then phone him and ask what he's up to. If he says he's 'chilling' at home, then you can say oh, what room are you in because I'm home and you're not.

EasyMark · 10/08/2013 12:12

I would pop back for something I forgot or give him a call and ask for him to drop it off for you, just to smeg up his plans!

MissMarplesBloomers · 10/08/2013 12:20

not that we are all full of devious ideas or anything .......

Winter123 · 10/08/2013 12:31

Unfortunately, text messages can be deleted so evidence may not remain on the phone.

I agree with the suggestions made by Fairenuff and EasyMark

Hissy · 10/08/2013 13:47

If you 'forget' your keys... he'll have to wait home for you...

I knew living with a manipulative, controlling arse'd serve a purpose one day!

Thinking of you!

DuchessFanny · 10/08/2013 15:19

I'd say go with your instinct too. If it looks dodgy, feels dodgy, it's usually dodgy !
Hope you're ok today. Let us know how it goes.

Ahhhcrap · 10/08/2013 19:35

I'd do the same as Hissy, take the kids for breakfast somewhere close then 'pop' back for a forgotten item..

Anyway I hope you're ok op

Original poster

happinessisfree · 11/08/2013 08:44

I dont know what to do. I have just seen messages from yesterday. I know something is going on now. I feel physically sick. The kids are downstairs I dont know how Im gonna get through today I need to pull myself together.

OP posts:

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