Would you be happy with your son / daughter dating a single parent ?

[Bigbadticklemonster]

Just the title really would you care if your adult kids dated single parents ?

gotcha

snore

My dh got hit with everything at once, a new baby at the age of 40, and two little step children. Im certain my mil had some concerns but had the grace to say noting to me. I have not been privy to any conversation she may have had with dh.
I would be fine with my children having a relationship with a single parent. I would be a hypocrit if I did not.

If they were happy then of course! (But doesn't that go for any relationship they might have? )

This is a really strange thread. Are people really trying to suggest that having a serious relationship with someone who has children is exactly the same as someone with no children? Of course it will be more complicated! That doesn't mean it can't be happy, that the partner and his/her children may not be delightful and the relationship excellent, but chances are that at times issues unique to being a step parent will arise.

My brother has had serious relationships with two fantastic women both of whom have children, and also has a child of his own. It has been complicated, and at times very painful for him (and them). If he had just fallen in love with a single woman and had a single family some of those situations would not have arisen. I am sure my parents would have wished for a simpler life for him.

Things like figuring out how to have a parenting type relationship with someone who isn't your child, or sharing a child across two families can be tricky to manage, especially if the child is older at he start of the relationship or if the new step-father/mother is relatively young.

My lovely step aunt took on my uncle and his three year old when she was 21. I'm sure her parents had at least some trepidation. Didn't stop them being wonderfully supportive mind, but that's another matter isn't it?

No I wouldn't mind at all. I think I'd be proud that they felt they could take that responsibility on.
And if my dc treated the woman and her dc well, then tbh I'd be delighted that is raised such lovely men. (of course that would work in reverse)

I am a single mum, and hope that one day someone willl love me enough to see past the potential problems.

I agree with ineed above.

I'd be so proud if my (many) ds were mature enough to do it. I'd consider myself as a successful parent!

Thankfully my dh's family felt the same and he fell into the category someone up thread called "throwing away his youth".

OP there are good men out there!

You are going to have no say whatsoever in who your adult DC dates and so you need to keep your thoughts to yourself. They are all unique people and you can't have a blanket 'single parent' as if it tells you anything about the person. People are already making assumptions on here that you would be sharing a child across two families and yet in lots of cases you don't.

I'd keep it to myself but I'd worry that it might be difficult for them, because being a step parent can be very tough.

Irrationally perhaps I'd worry more for my DD than my DS because the only male step parent I know has made it work brilliantly, whereas I've known a couple of female SPs who've struggled badly, and of course I've read some hair raising stuff on MN.

You always get the worst on MN- if it goes swimmingly well there is no need to post! If you took MN you would assume that all MILs were dreadful!

However they probably are if they expect to have a say in choice of partner!

In theory I would say a huge no but in reality I would be thrilled if any of my sons were in love with/ loved by a lovely girl, if that lovely girl already had a child I would welcome them both with open arms.

I don't expect I'll have much of a choice in respect of my ds' choice of partner.

I hope that I would fully support him with any choice of partner he has. To me it is no different than any other difference from the 'traditional norm' (I use that phrase slightly tongue in cheek). my son may choose to be with someone of the same sex, different culture, different background etc.

All have the potential to cause stress on his relationship, or not! However any stress is going to be more manageable if he feels full supported by family.

Well said, coffee.

DP's mum was really negative about me when we first got together. (They had a family meeting and banned him from seeing me We were both 23)

Luckily for me he ignored them totally and did what he wanted, since he is an adult and all. He was really nervous about me meeting his family at first but I get on with all of his sisters and always have - his mum sort of tolerates me, but she does love DS so that's sort of sweetened it for her I suppose. His dad is great.

I think all the arguments about not wanting them to date a single parent because they might get hurt are - you can't protect your children from getting hurt forever and it's not healthy to anyway. Surely you bring them up to make good decisions and then you trust them in those decisions. Dating somebody who has children isn't easy and there is a risk you might get hurt. But you trust your children to make that choice just as you might trust them in choosing to take a job abroad for a year which might turn out to be difficult and upsetting, or any number of other things.

bbqsummer what was shocking about my response? I haven't berated single parents or stated that children brought up in a signle parent home are affected in any way. If anything I believe I made it clear that I think in our society you can get good, bad, ugly and/or indifferent parenting regardless of whether they are single or in a relationship/married. I have my reasons based on experience clearly stated in previous post for wanting to protect my child from the pain I suffered having lived in a relationship with a single parent. Yes two in three relationships end and I could very well find myself in the position of becoming a signle parent. If in the unfortunate circumstances (hopefully it wont happen) I do become a single parent I am fully aware that there will be people out there that do not want to enter into a relationship with a signle parent and family parents like me that would prefer their children etc. don't enter into a relationship with a single parent, not because there is something wrong with a single parent but more to do with the pain of losing a child you full in love with following a breakup of that relationship. I would have to accept that as a fact and that's life. If my child chooses to enter into such a relationship then I have to support them but I will tell them what my experience was as the grow and mature.

I understand there have been some unpleasent things said about signle parents and children within a signle parent home on the thread but to tarnish all the posters with the same brush is replicating the behaviour of those that tarnish all single parents with the same brush. We all make our choices and have our opinions. Mine is my preference would be for my DC to settle down with someone that was not a single parent because I want to protect my child from the pain I suffered and still suffer when I lost my relationship with a child I had helped raise for 11 years.

I am not sure my aim or wish for ds in life is for every little difficulty to be smoothed out of his path- I am not sure that makes for the most fulfilling and happiest life.

I think what I do dream of is for him to grow up into a strong and caring man who is able to deal with any difficulties on the way and do right by the people around him.

If I thought I had brought up a man who was capable of thinking of somebody else's children, let along the children of the woman he loved, in terms of "baggage" or inconveniences, then I would be seriously worried about that dream ever coming true.

If the title of the thread was 'would you be happy with your son/daughter dating a black person?' that would quite rightly be uproar but because it's 'single parent' its somehow seen as a legitimate question

Can't believe the thread hasn't been pulled to be honest.

MNHQ - I feel let down.

As with any relationship they might have how i felt about it would depend on how my child felt about it and was being treated. I would think whether my child's boyfriend or girlfriend had children was none of my business tbh.

Girliefriend - as one lone parent to (what I presume is) another, I suggest you read the thread. OP is in fact a lone parent herself, and (if I'm reading it correctly) has recently been burned by a bloke whose mother did not like her son dating a lone parent. Lucky in some ways - always better when wankers reveal themselves as such early on.

OP, I'm pretty sure it's like most other things - some people are tossers, most aren't. Whatever your circs you could end up with the MIL from hell (read Mixxy's thread on her PIL finally being pulled over for drunk driving if you want an example of this) but on the whole most will be fine. And if the man's worth having, and his mother doesn't like you, he'll tell her to take a hike. If he bows down to what mummy says, he isn't worth having (speaking as a mother of a son who hopes her son will grow into a functioning, independent adult with his own moral compass).

Girliefriend, completely agree. I feel stigmatised enough as an lp already, this thread doesn't help.

Wow some interesting views, I am a single parent have been for years, since my 20's.
Single parents are not some homogenous mass, all I have in common with another single parent is that being a single parent .It says nothing about me and I presume any man wants to have a relationship with me not a 'single parent'.
Other factors affect my dating life ,I have very little spare time ,need to book baby sitters in advance I also made it very clear I did not want any more children, also honestly my life is complicated, I have a 'difficult' ex husband and you would have to really like me to want to get involved . I think it must be difficult to have a relationship with me as you will always come third after my kids.
So yeah its harder to date me now than it was 15 years ago, but you know what .I think I'm worth it

when my dc bring home partners I hope that the partner treats them well and makes them happy, their personality and behaviour is important.

I wonder how those on here would feel if they became single parents and then were duly judged when they got into a new relationship?

Easy for me to say now as DD is under a year old but if she met someone with a child from a previous relationship, I think I'd be OK with it. What I wouldn't be OK with (and not quite sure why) is her being with someone quite a bit older than her, urgh!