Would you be happy with your son / daughter dating a single parent ?

[Bigbadticklemonster]

Just the title really would you care if your adult kids dated single parents ?

Yes, I would be more that happy as long as my dd is happy!
Why are you asking that?!?!? Are you worried?!?

well, I am one. so this is a nice depressing thread title!

Similarly any girl he's ever brought home (he's 18) who has been brought up by a single mother has been absolutely damaged in some respect by not having a strong positive male role model in her life.

Wow, is that really your experience. My dd (who's father died) has some wonderful male role models. My cousins, my uncles, my male friends.

Actually don't answer me Holly, this is going to upset me I'm off.

As we are a patchwork family I'd certainly be checking that mine had 'thought beyond their loins' initially but if they were happy I'd be happy.

Oddly enough I'd probably ask more probing questions of the biters about a NRP than a lone RP.

Very much depends on the single parent and their circumstances, but their parental status itself would not be an issue.

A good single parent brings up a far better child than a bad coupled parent IMO. What counts is the quality of the parent, not their relationship status. And a good parent is also likely to make a good partner and a successful human being because of their ability to balance the needs of individuals within a family context, etc.

Obviously if my DS brought home Vicky Pollard I might have something to say about it.

The only time it would be an issue for me, would be if there were 'issues'.

I'd like to think that they were a good parent and involved in their children's lives and that (when the time was right) my DC would be able to be brought into their lives well.

Having said that, there would be no way on earth I'd be given a say in the matter anyway!!

I wouldn't worry, as you get towards your thirties, a parent's opinion isn't as important and I think parents would trust their adult children to make their own decisions.

Surely it depends on the person and not the situation. I would be worried if my daughter was with a man who didn't see his own children. As her own abusive father refuses to see her and treated us both so very appallingly, I would worry that a man who didn't see his own children had a dodgy past or wasn't as nice as he at first appeared. I guess I have issues!

If I was judged by potential in laws for being a single parent I must admit I would be very hurt and flipping furious. I didn't choose to be in this situation, and it doesn't make me a bad person does it?

I wouldn't want it with someone who has only recently split.

The baggage is usually much worse at the start.

I was a single parent and my now wife was single. I think with hindsight she would have given me a swerve!

As a single parent in a relationship with another single parent I think that I would rather refrain from sweeping judgements like Holly's.

FWIW neither DP and I define ourselves by our single parent status. DP is an academic, I am a managment consultant. Our DC are all lovely, pleasant balanced young men. His DC are at university, mine at private school, I would never describe our children as 'damaged', by their upbringing.

Have a Holly

I would have said I'd be happy a few months ago. But then I joined Mumsnet and read the step parenting problems.

Now I'd have huge reservations, to be honest.

I don't think I'd be jumping up and down about it simply because of the complexity, but it would very much depend on my child and the individual he/she was involved with.
Personally, I'd simply be concerned about becoming attached to a stepgrandchild who might vanish and how best to manage a relationship with a child to their best advantage (so as not to hurt them) with such a possibility.

"But then I joined Mumsnet and read the step parenting problems."

You have to remember that people who post here are likely to be the ones who have problems, if that makes sense. All the step parents who are getting on just fine aren't going to post about it! (Unless they happen to stumble across a thread, I suppose.)

In RL I know loads of blended families, and I wouldn't say they are more 'problematic' than the regular unblended type.

i wouldn't be delighted, but then there would probably be a whole long list of things i wouldn't be delighted about to contend with.

fwiw, i was a single parent when i met dh. we were both mid 30s and financially independent. when we first got together, my very lovely FIL privately asked DH if he was sure he wanted to take on somebody else's child, and to be sensible about keeping financial arrangements separate. both perfectly fair points.

Similarly any girl he's ever brought home (he's 18) who has been brought up by a single mother has been absolutely damaged in some respect by not having a strong positive male role model in her life.

Wow. Just wow. Also Holly on a serious note, I'd be concerned if any man only dated "damaged" women. There are men that deliberately seek out such types and they tend to be accompanied by a carnival of red flags.

Surely in a relationship between adults the reaction of their parents is pretty low down the list of things that make or break it? Especially if we're talking dating rather than establishing a life together.

But I think it's fine to acknowledge that most people have an idealised view of how they'd like their or their DCs' lives to pan out and this probably isn't it (just as no little girl dreams of walking down the aisle as her step kids look on), but that doesn't mean you'd be unhappy if real life presented it.

I think I'd be more concerned about them dating a Non-resident parent than a single parent.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest-just think ready made grandchildren :)

I would be a little sad because I think it definitely makes a relationship more difficult if there are children from a previous relationship, but there are many things that can make a relationship difficult. I would keep my nose out of it though and just hope the person was nice.

Yes Holly why is your DS seeking out 'damaged' girlfriends? Has he himself been 'damaged' by something, possibly?

I would say no BUT...

because of course we love our children and in life we don't ever want anything for them to be any harder than it has to be....and sometimes being a single parent is much harder than parenting as a couple.

However, if my child was unhappy as part of a couple for any reason (eg, abuse, cheated on or whatever it may be) I would go out of my way to support them in any way I could.

I would rather my child be happy as lone parent instead of being miserable as part of a couple. My mother was a single mum and did a fine job raising my sister and I, and she had lots of support from our nan....I know I would do the same for my daughters if it came to that.

Of course I am hoping that my two daughters only 3 and 8 now, find wonderful partners one day who will treat them in the way that they deserve. I see my job as a mother now is to make sure that they know are worth the very best in life and I hope that they don't settle for anything less.

Psst Lilly, the question was about your child dating a single parent, not being a single parent.

GOSH....completely ignore my irrelevant post....didn't read the title properly (up late last night with 3 year old who had a nightmare). I read the title as....would you be happy for your child to be a single parent? In that context my reply makes sense.....but hey ho!!! Think I need to go to specsavers and get some sleep!

Probably just some sleep would do ;)

Sorry