Would you be happy with your son / daughter dating a single parent ?

[Bigbadticklemonster]

Just the title really would you care if your adult kids dated single parents ?

TSC Yeah, I know

I wouldn't mind at all. But I would have a frank conversation with them about the seriousness of entering a family and not to muck the single parent about.

I wouldn't bother at all about one of my 2 boys dating a single parent unless they were like my sister who is pg with her 4th child by father no4!

I am 35 and became a single mother to 3 last year.
DP is 3 years younger and never been married or had children.

I was so nervous that his family and friends wouldn't like me because I have a husband (separated obviously) and children. His mum says simply that if he is happy, she is happy.

It depends on said single parent, ages of the people involved, personalities, etc. I wouldn't rule it out, but I can't give an unequivocal yes. Without being in the situation, as my sons are young, apart from oldest, who is happily married, they have no baggage, so would prefer them to choose someone in the same situation.

I would be delighted if my ds, in his early 20's, dated a lone parent.

Because he is NRP to his ds; he pays more than the CSA would make him, and dgs stays with us 2/3 nights a week. DS has an amicable relationship with his ex.

And maybe a lone parent would understand his situation more than the non-mothers he's dated since the split.

I was a single mum until I got married a couple of years ago. I think my mum was concerned when she met MIL for the first time, she asked if she was happy with DH marrying me and MIL said of course, as long as DH was happy . I get on well with my ILs and they are really lovely people.

Getting together with a single parent means more compromises than just two young, free single adults getting together and that's something I'm keenly aware about. Financially it's had an impact (as I no longer get tax credits; DH now supports us all) and of course we don't have as much freedom to go out or travel. Plus there can be complications with the ex (not relevant for me as exP has no contact with my ds, but for some single mums it can mean not being able to move away, or having to deal with manipulative exes, which affects the whole family).

Being a step-parent is hard (you only have to look at the boards here) and for us it's been easier because there's no contact at all with exP and we don't stress about how to split things financially as our household income is high. DS had no problems accepting DH though although he was a teenager when we married. They get on well and we have a big family on my side so DS has always had lots of good male role models. But I know other families who have struggled with getting a new male partner accepted by the dc - I was careful in never introducing any other men I dated to DS until DH as he was the only one I felt secure enough with and likely to be a permanent fixture.

So for DS, I would be a bit concerned that his life would be more complicated and difficult and I would make sure he understood the commitment involved - but of course it would always be his decision.

Mette Marit was a single mum, until she married the prince of Norway ( would have loved it if William had pulled tvat off instead of Kate Borington)

Life changes, it isn't such a stigma to be a single parent, surely?

parmarella whilst it may partly be stigma, I think a lot of the reservations would be practicality based.

I would not want my DC to date a single parent - ever!

This is not because I think there is anything wrong with single parents or that children are damaged in any way by been brought up by a single parent. I think you get good, bad, ugly and indifferent parenting regardless of whether the parent is single or in a relationship. My mother was a single parent and IMO did an amazing job bringing up three kids on her own whilst working. I respect her immensely and I can be as good a mother as she is!

My reason for not wanting my DC to be in a relationship with a single parent is due to personal experience. I was in a relationship with a single father for 11 years. I met him when his DS was 3 years old and we split when his DC was 14. I choose to leave the relationship, he was bitter about it and he made it impossible for me to sustain a relationship with his DC whom I had helped bring up. This broke my heart and I had no legal right to contact following the split. 6 Years on I still miss DC and it still hurts. For this reason I will encourage my DC not to date single parents. I would not want my DC to go throw the pain of losing a relationship with a child that you help raise and love because you are not the genetic parent and have no legal rights.

The PC answer is of course not. The real answer is most parents will be far more circumspect.

Personally I'd say I'd be most concerned if my kids were in their 20s rather than 30s or older,
as I'd feel they were throwing their own youth away.

LittlePeaPod I'm sorry you experienced that.

I think that's much more about your X than the fact he was a single parent though. I know several ex-step-parents who maintain contact with the children because the biological parent recognises the value of that relationship. There are also biological parents who are prevented from seeing their children in the event of a split, and while they have a legal right to contact, it's not always enforceable. Also, a step-parent can have a legal right to contact if they adopt the child or, if that's not possible (e.g. other parent still actively involved), they take on parental responsibility for that child.

Male, female, parent or childless, smoker or non-smoker, drinker or teetotaller - all these things are no indication of a successful relationship in their own right. Compatibility and decency are what make for a good relationship.

Honestly?
I'd rather she didn't.
I have seen the difficulties others have in relationships where there are existing children. I have had a difficult step parent relationship myself.

In an ideal world, my daughter would meet someone with no baggage, and any subsequent children would be the first priority of both parents.

Dahlen you are completely right. My experience was more to do with my ex rather than a reflection on all single parents and what happens in other situations. I know there will be lots of positive outcomes and lots of relationships sustained following a break up. However, my experience has left it's mark and regardless how small the likelihood this could/would happen to my DC I would not want my DC to risk it. I just can't help it and I know I would be untruthful if I said I would be happy about my DC getting into a relationship with a single parent. I just wouldn't and I would constantly worry.. Not good I know but it's the truth..

We're all the sum of our experiences. I suspect that if your child did start dating a single parent, you'd probably be lovely about it in reality though, even if you were worrying yourself stupid inside. I think most decent parents would TBH - very few would interfere in any way because a good parent may try their best to guide but accepts that children have to make their own 'mistakes'.

Dahlan You are right again. I would never interfere in DC's relationship but I intend on ensuring DC understands how I feel about this sort of situation (same as other issues/situations education, treating people with respect, taking responsibility for one's own DC, DV etc.) whilst DC is growing/maturing and not in a relationship. I also would like DC to be informed as to why I feel this way and the potential consequences of entering into such a relationship. Which I know will/may probably biased my DC's view of relationships with a single parent but if DC choose to go ahead with a relationship with a single parent I most definitely would not interfere. I guess this is the same as my DF and I both imparting our feelings/thoughts/opinions onto DC on other issues but again we will try our utmost to respect DC's views once DC is of age.

Back in yer box Holly.

OP I wouldn't want to have anything to do with any parent who considered my kids to be baggage.

My DH 'threw his youth away' at 18 to a young woman with a baby, I'm really glad his parents fell in love with DS from day 1 and were amazing from the word go and were happy as long as DH was.

Children aren't baggage, it was love me love DS or ship the fuck out.

DH definitely loves DS more than me and I can't argue with that.

So yes, I would be happy as long as they were.

I don't think my mum and dad have any problems with me dating a single dad, and his mum seems to quite like me.

I used the word baggage. I used it meaning exes, financial issues, etc. I didn't mean the children.

Yes to DC dating single parent with residency. Not so sure about a single parent who didn't live with their child, basically although it is prejudiced I think I would prefer a single mother to a single father, I would worry a single father might not be very nice.

No, but only because I married one and life would have been soooo much easier for us to have started fresh.

I wouldn't care who my kids dated as long as they were kind, good people. There are plenty of unpleasant ones in this world, and being a parent is neither here nor there IMO.

My first thought would be if my child is happy then I am happy but I would imagine I would prefer them not to date a single parent. I know it can work out perfectly well but it can complicate things.

Shocking replies. Really shocking.