Lap dance at stag do

[worrybynature]

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

[Thisisaeuphemism]

The OP's DP got off on a lap dancer and yet the OP is the one who has been overly influenced by hair adverts and is not working at the relationship. How very odd.

Would DP be happy if at the hen you danced on men and had them 'lick your minge'?

Why would the best man say such a thing? He sounds like a nasty shit. Which begs the question, why is he the best man?

[ALittleStranger]

Yes I think Waffly has the stag do dynamic spot on. Which is why it's so objectionable, it's using a woman's naked body as a "kick me" sign.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Why would anyone 'expect' their partner to have a lap-dance?

[clam]

And by the way, it's RITE of passage, not right.

As you were...

[Morgause]

Don't let him near you until he's been checked for herpes etc - in case he did lick her.

[bumbleymummy]

I agree with others who have said to get rid of the best man. It may be out of character for your husband but the BM sounds like an ass and there is no way I would want him at the wedding.

[DrHolmes]

Euphemism - I just meant did she not have a feeling what might go on so at not to be so shocked by it.
I think when most people hear "stag do" they think booze, strippers, lap dances, more booze etc etc.
I don't like it, but it's true.

[GobblersKnob]

What clam said, totally.

Why is the onus on the op? Not only did he behave like a dick last night, he is continuing to behave like a dick this morning.

[TurnipCake]

Sunk Cost fallacy aside, the only person throwing away their relationship with reckless abandon is her partner (who has also allowed his best man to tease and disrespect her), so the onus is not on her to think carefully about not 'throwing away' the relationship if everything else is perfect. Though up until now, telling her to 'get over it' makes me wonder how much effort he's willing to put in.

Things change, people change, everything changes. No matter how wonderful a relationship, the OP now has new information presented to her and she needs time and space to decide how she wants to proceed.

[TurnipCake]

Gobblers - you've put it more succinctly

[Thisisaeuphemism]

If stag-do means strippers, lap dancers, then I'd suggest the groom is too young or too stupid to get married.

[givvusaclue]

The likelihood is that the guys chipped in together to embarrass the groom to be andvthis was followed up by drunken bravado piss taking which probably wasn't well received.

Do you really think that if anything sinister happened they would be joking about it so brazenly. If I was your partner I'd be questioning how you could hold me in such low esteem.

[qazxc]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. And am quite shocked that your DP and DM are saying that you "just get over it", that is so disrespecful of your feelings and sounds like they want to make it your fault (ie the problem is not that DP has had a lapdance which may or may not have included oral sex, but with you being a drama queen),that is so wrong. Your DP needs to aknowledge your feelings and make amends (if you decide to continue with the rekationship, only you can decide that as only you know what your deal breakers are). I suspect that there wasn't any oral sex that the "best man" is winding you up which is revolting. Why would your DP allow him to upset you like this? If anyone disrespected my partner in that way and implied i had been cheating, the friendship would cease and they would no longer be invited to my wedding, let alone stand next to me at the altar!

[morethanpotatoprints]

Why did he put himself in the situation where this could happen?
My dh didn't have a stag do for this reason, he and friends went off and drove fast cars. No way would he or his friends lower themselves to this, its disgusting.
there again a lot of men seem to like these sort of things and if you have a man like this he won't change it will just become more secretive over the years. They are right you either get over it which you will need to do if you are getting married, or call wedding off. Thats not insensitive but logical. I'm sure his friends aren't being malicious and if they are then he needs to chose his friends more wisely

[LynetteScavo]

It's the best man I would be furious with here. He sounds like a prize dick, and certainly not Godparent material.

The groom has just been really lame going along with his mates.

How the hell do you lap dance in a limo anyway?

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Givvusaclue - firstly the op is 'insecure' then she is 'naive' now she is holding her partner in low esteem?

What a strange reading of events.

[xkittyx]

I'm shocked that someone actually thinks it's insecurity to not want ones DH looking at another women's vagina! Words fail me. I would certainly not expect the man I was about to marry to have a lapdance either, and nor did he.
That would be the relationship tainted for me I'm afraid, and the wedding ruined.

[waltermittymissus]

I hate this "stag do = strippers" mentality.

My dh and his mates went paintballing followed by too much beer and football.

None of the men of my acquaintance did the stripper thing. Guess I'm just friends with non-sexist, mature guys. Lucky me.

[Faverolles]

The best man may be a dick, but the op's DP is not a puppet.resumably he had a choice somewhere in the chain of events.

[Cravingdairy]

What's the MN adage - when a man tells you what he is like, listen. I have mangled it a bit.

[worrybynature]

Forgot to mention me and dp have a 1 year old dd. he said he would be disgusted if she grew up and made money doing what that stripper was doing, so how can he think what he did was ok? His argument is that he had a lot to drink and she was in the limo and he was being egged on, but that doesn't make me feel any less disrespected and hurt by what he has done. He says he is sorry for hurting me, but he won't say that he thinks what he did was wrong, he is still adamant that I am wrong for reacting in the way I have. I just am so hurt and angry that he has ruined the run up to the wedding.

Btw, me not wanting dp to look at other women's vaginas does not make me insecure or naive.