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Original poster

Lap dance at stag do

549 replies

worrybynature · 04/08/2013 10:16

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
nkf · 04/08/2013 11:05

Look, it doesn't matter what your mum says. Or your fiance. Or what anyone on here says. What do you want to do? Understand this. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. You can marry him if you want. Or call off the wedding if you want. Be 100% in touch with YOUR feelings and desires. Don't give a second thoughts to the money or the guests or how anyone else will feel. This is your life and your choice.

CVSFootPowder · 04/08/2013 11:06

OP it doesn't matter what your mum or any of us on MN, thinks.
What matters is whether you can get over it. It's too soon to make a decision.
Is your DP reading this thread? He's certainly coming back and givng you all the 'right' answers very quickly. Hmm

lottieandmia · 04/08/2013 11:06

It's not a right of passage - there is really no need for strippers just because someone is getting married.

CVSFootPowder · 04/08/2013 11:06

xpost with nkf

lottieandmia · 04/08/2013 11:07

rite* of passage

clam · 04/08/2013 11:07

OK, so you can sweep this under the carpet for now, and "get over it" as "it's done now," as long as you're aware that this will rear its head again in the future sooner or later. He has mates with dodgy values, fgs he seems to have some dodgy values himself. Are you sure you want to be dealing with them forever more?

Ezio · 04/08/2013 11:08

I agree with NKF and CVS, its your choice, and no one elses, just try to
get some headspace.

If you do get married, insist on a new best man.

kalidanger · 04/08/2013 11:09

OP, did you have inkling that this was the kind if thing he thinks is acceptable? Is it the case that DP is basically a nice bloke and his mate is a scumbag? If you see what I mean.

I think that's important because if your DP is genuinely sorry and a bit shocked at what he got himself into then that's one thing. But if this is part if a pattern of behaviour and last night was the cherry on top then I'd be having a serious re-think, if I was you.

Also, I don't like to see how some people behave so completely differently with their friends or with their partners. And when those two worlds collide as is happening to you know you've got to wonder how well you really know him...

nkf · 04/08/2013 11:09

The best man is not the point. He may be an idiot but he is presumably the fiance's friend. That tells you something right there. I don't think he should be in the picture at all.

BelaLugosisShed · 04/08/2013 11:09

It's a way of putting women in "their place", i.e. secondary to the male group of friends, he knew your feelings on the matter but went ahead anyway.
If he treats you with such disrespect before you are married , what will he do when you are married and have a couple of kids?

shameshame · 04/08/2013 11:10

Turnip - if that is aimed at me I do not have 'boys will be boys' attitude and actually left my DP on the discovery of a (paid) lap dance hence my interest in this thread. I'm not making excuses for OP's OH but in a stag do situation where his mates have organised a stripper, he finds himself in the back of a hummer (ewww), getting egged on, arsehole drunk it would be unlikely of him to get up and take the moral high ground - which is a big shame of course. Is it worth throwing OP's pending marriage down the toilet in a relationship that was fine until now?

clam · 04/08/2013 11:10

And in my experience, people who bang on about "moving on" and "drawing a line under things" actually mean "STFU, I don't want to face answer to what I've done."

CVSFootPowder · 04/08/2013 11:11

I'm still struggling with the actual erm, logistics, of doing a lapdance in a hummer without getting touched by any of the men. Assuming there were a few guys in there, I'd like to know exactly how the stripper managed to stop any of them touching her.

clam · 04/08/2013 11:13

You can judge a person by the company they keep. He's going to be carrying on mixing with these mates? What's to stop them repeating the exercise on the next stag night, or basic night out? They know your feelings on the matter and it didn't make a blind bit of difference this time.

Original poster
worrybynature · 04/08/2013 11:13

Cvs god knows. It was a stretch hummer.
Dp is usually a lovely, trustworthy, loyal guy. He doesn't even drink!

OP posts:
Ezio · 04/08/2013 11:14

CVS, it'd be awfully cramped inside a hummer, not alot of moving space. Sh

Ezio · 04/08/2013 11:14

she was touched at some point.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2013 11:15

Did he lick her or was the best man causing trouble? He didn't say anything when the best man said that, did he?

TurnipCake · 04/08/2013 11:18

Turnip - if that is aimed at me I do not have 'boys will be boys' attitude and actually left my DP on the discovery of a (paid) lap dance hence my interest in this thread.

It wasn't, it was in reference to the OP's mother saying lap dances are a rite of passage for stags

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/08/2013 11:18

Ever been in a stretch hummer?

I have.

I'm 4ft 10" and couldn't stand up.

clam · 04/08/2013 11:18

I don't suppose you're going to get the truth out of any of them now. They'll have realised that the shit has hit the fan more than they thought with worry and have closed ranks.

nkf · 04/08/2013 11:19

You could tie yourself in knots trying to work out what went on. But one thing is clear - it was a pretty squalid scene. Lots of booze, drunk men, a stretch Hummer and a stripper. It's fine to hate this. It's fine to find this distasteful and not to want the participants near you. You have to make a decision. Try this exercise. If you knew that whatever you did, it would work out fine, what would you do?

HesterShaw · 04/08/2013 11:20

I'd tell your groom, that he needs to lose the best man or no wedding.

This. I would say this. I would not risk not enjoying my day because I hated the best man. I would put it to the groom that it's the best man or me. If he won't, well....his priorities are all wrong.

SirRaymondClench · 04/08/2013 11:20

I don't understand this 'winding people up' mentality. I mean the stags winding Op up about the minge licking. It isn't remotely funny, it's nasty and intending to hurt, stress her out and upset her.
Does you 'D'P usually let his friends treat you like that Op?
If this happened to me, I would feel that the whole preamble to the wedding is now ruined by this puerile, juvenile action and call off my wedding. Would not want to be married to the sort of man who thought this entertainment and I would feel humiliated by these people.
You don't have to marry this prick you know.

shameshame · 04/08/2013 11:21

Turnip - ah phew :)