Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lap dance at stag do

549 replies

worrybynature · 04/08/2013 10:16

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 04/08/2013 10:52

dear lord what a vile story Sad

the best man sounds repellent. you do not have to "get over it" your P needs to make an effort to treat you properly. It doesn't sound as though he has the maturity to be making a (hopefully) lifetime commitment.

Sad for you OP

ALittleStranger · 04/08/2013 10:53

Did he really lick her? From what I know of male friends who have had lap dances that would be very, very unusual. His friends may be winding you both up.

Original poster
worrybynature · 04/08/2013 10:53

The best man def stirring with the minge licking comment! How hurtful. Apparently though the stripper did say they could touch her if they all paid £10

OP posts:
Ledkr · 04/08/2013 10:53

Oh dear what a nightmare.
It's a big thing to call the wedding off this late but at the same time the fact he has mates with this appalling attitude would concern me more. That and the fact that he's not in anyway trying to understand how you feel about it and make amends.
This is not the kind of man I'd want to marry tbh.
Can you stay with a mate for a few days to get some thinking time.
Maybe you could tell him you will be checking out a few hit guys while you are away and giving their cocks a quick suck just for your own pleasure

Cheeseatmidnight · 04/08/2013 10:55

This is really horrible for you as you feel like this about strippers and he knew. Did the best man know he was not supposed to organise a stripper?

Just to put the cat amongst the pigeons... If your dp hadn't made your position clear to his friends then a stripper climbs into the limo and surprises your dp, he would have found it virtually impossible to stop it.

I know he should stopped it and I know he has disrespected your wishes, but he didn't book it.

ALittleStranger · 04/08/2013 10:55

Personally I wouldn't class this as cheating. I hate stripping and lap dances as I think they're degrading and misgynistic, but it's not cheating. I'd view it the same as if my DP had abused a homeless person for a "laugh" on a night out, or used a racial slur.

newforest · 04/08/2013 10:56

Did he really do what the best man said he did, or was he just winding you up because he knows you wouldn't like it? A stripper wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but actual contact certainly would! That's not on.

MaBumble · 04/08/2013 10:56

Oh I'm so sorry. My DH went on a stag do (his brothers) and it ended up in a lap dancing club, before were married.I was really upset. I surprised myself how hurt I was. It took a bit of time, tears and a lot of talking - but eventually he got it. There was no stag (or hen) do before our wedding - we did have a good night out with friends.

I didn't spell it out, but lap dance = no wedding.

If you do decide to go through with it - and I'm guessing that will all depend on his actions now, get rid of that bastard of a best man, he should no longer be invited.

That was deliberate shit stirring, the complete and utter arse hole!

Ledkr · 04/08/2013 10:56

Imagine what type of prick is so desperate to touch a woman's fanny and boobs that they'd pay a tenner to do so?
All men aren't like this you know op.
maybe you need to wait for a decent one to come along.

Original poster
worrybynature · 04/08/2013 10:58

Best man knew my feelings. So did DP. I agree that dp didn't have a choice to look at the stripper as she was in the limo, but he did have a choice about her getting on top of him. She also tried to pull his trousers down.
Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?! But I wouldn't want to do that as I love dp?

OP posts:
EvaBeaversProtege · 04/08/2013 10:58

I couldn't marry this man & try to build a marriage on this foundation.

One week before his wedding & he's in the back of a car with a stripper. No way.

And I'd describe myself as easygoing & open minded but no way would I be tying myself to a man who licked someone else's genitals!!!!

dontputaringonit · 04/08/2013 10:58

Is your DP remorseful OP? Sorry I can't tell

shameshame · 04/08/2013 10:59

Eva - think we have established it is highly unlikely he licked her genitals! Just the stags trying to wind up OP!

Ezio · 04/08/2013 11:00

That lapdance, although so degrading isnt the issue, its the downright nasty shittiness, and your idiot groom didnt say a word to stop it.

I'd tell your groom, that he needs to lose the best man or no wedding.

TurnipCake · 04/08/2013 11:01

Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?!

Hahaha, of course he wouldn't Hmm

OP, it sounds like you need to not be in the same space as these two at the moment, do you have a supportive friend or family member you could go to for a couple of days just to clear your head and not be around the toxic bullshit they're trying to feed you.

Original poster
worrybynature · 04/08/2013 11:01

Dp says he is sorry, but that's all very well to say it isn't it! He still did it 12 hours ago? He kept saying sorry, but it's happened we need to move on... But why do it in the first place?!

OP posts:
BellEndTent · 04/08/2013 11:01

I would see this as carte Blanche to go out one night and have some fun with a naked man. Even if you don't fancy doing this, I'd certainly suggest to him that you might.

EvaBeaversProtege · 04/08/2013 11:02

And actually, a stripper in a club I might be able to 'get over' but climbing into the back of a car & practically sitting in his face, I couldn't.

CVSFootPowder · 04/08/2013 11:02

Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?!

How terribly reasonable of him! What about getting your minge licked? You licking strippers balls?He's ok with that too is he?
Look he is going to say whatever he can to minimise this.

The issue here is whether or not you can get past this. And I agree with those who say the best man shouldn't be in the wedding.
And I am still very surprised that they're all talking about this, most guys keep it as quiet as they can.

Original poster
worrybynature · 04/08/2013 11:02

Even my mum is of the attitude that this is just a right of passage for the stag and I need to get over it!

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 04/08/2013 11:03

Indeed, what exactly are they getting out of this by bringing it up, taunting you about it, minimising and telling you to get over it, all in the space of a few hours that you've know? That is beyond cruel.

shameshame · 04/08/2013 11:04

'why do it in the first place?'

In short: shitloads of alcohol and a bunch of dick mates.

lottieandmia · 04/08/2013 11:04

Poor you OP Sad I'd be gutted

TurnipCake · 04/08/2013 11:05

Sigh, some people still have the 'Boys will be boys' attitude in this day and age, OP. You need space to seriously think about whether you want to legally commit to someone in wake of all this new information you have about him.

Ezio · 04/08/2013 11:05

Oh Worry, your DP would be horrified if you got close to another mans dick. Men can be even more jealous than women.