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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
scrazy · 09/08/2013 11:44

My latest is only a transitional distraction, it's never going to go anywhere but it's working and helping me move on.

I agree with OWW to the other posters and lurkers who are getting despondent, it really is just a matter of luck. I clicked on a profile because it was the only photo that grabbed me and got just what the doctor ordered. I'm not expecting to find love on POF.

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 11:46

keep on posting secretservice Smile, i like reading your stuff!

i actually think its quite reassuring reading that people besides me "use the sofa" lots and have quiet spells too?

otherwise its quite easy for me to take the "numbers game" idea too literally and build up loads of "meh" meetings that don't go anywhere (and deep down i KNOW they won't Sad).

Bant · 09/08/2013 12:03

So I think we need to define terms. To put my professional hat on for a minute :)

I think 'the spark' and 'chemistry' have been used interchangably but I'd argue they're too different things.

From my experience, dates come in 5 levels of goodness.
Level 1 - actively unpleasant. Rude, arrogant, gropey, smelly. Wish I'd stayed home and watched paint dry instead
Level 2 - not my type. Didn't fancy, no fault of their own. A bit 'meh'. Wish I'd stayed home and watched that documentary about penguins*
Level 3 - potential. They're not bad looking, the conversation didn't have long awkward pauses, they seem quite nice. I think I may see this one again if they ask. Glad I got out of the house, I'm beginning to find penguins attractive.
Level 4 - Chemistry. Long looks, really quite fancy them, want to see them again. Possibly end up with lots of snogging. Sod penguins.
Level 5 - the Spark. Laughing with each other, there's chemistry there, where have they been all my life? Damn I wish we'd met years ago, we just 'get' each other - even my stupid jokes. I want to marry them and adopt a penguin together.

I've only had a couple of level 1s, most have been level 2, with a few level 3s thrown in. The Artist was level 4. Buffy was 4 and a half.

There, the Penguin classification of Dating according to Bant.

*substitute Peacock for Penguin if you are so inclined

Bant · 09/08/2013 12:05

Just to add, level one dates remind me of Oswald Cobblepot, the Penguin in Batman, as played by Danny Devito. There. A penguin for every level

DadfromUncle · 09/08/2013 12:07

Hi WFF doing fine thanks "teenagesitting" my nieces later then hols with DD next week. No dates yet but no hurry.

OhWesternWind · 09/08/2013 12:12

Yes Lorna it's that something else - and the something that LM had isn't the same as the something that Alpha has. I liked Alpha as soon as I saw him, even before we spoke and feel very comfortable with him as well as fancying him rotten. With LM it was not like that at all, much edgier and not comfortable and relaxed, but the sex was fantastic. Neither of them are classically good-looking, it's not about that at all, not for me anyway.

SS no of course we won't get fed up of you! I am going to be wittering on again resuming normal service next week I'm sure as I will have no distractions in the evening Sad

scrazy · 09/08/2013 12:27

I'd say level 5 is unrealistic for a first date. That comes with spending more time together.

Overtheraenbow · 09/08/2013 12:28

Loving that level descriptor bant maybe next thread it could be added to the op??
I guess he was a level 2.5 - 3 ( can we have sub levels??

MsApprehension · 09/08/2013 12:42

I've just been typing out a response to someone on PoF and realised that the main thing I'm attracted to about him is his dog. Maybe I should rethink Blush Grin

MsApprehension · 09/08/2013 12:46

Really cute dog though...

DadfromUncle · 09/08/2013 12:46

Note to self - get nice dog (or pic of me next to one)

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 12:51

i saw a pic of an ugly dude with an even uglier dog. not sure what to think really Blush

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 12:55

how about the "aggressive baby pics"? where there's a FEW of them cuddling various bemused little rugrats? (not their own)

inside a potato's head:

"women like babies. if i put up lots of pictures of me with babies, women will like me to get to the babies." Hmm

DadfromUncle · 09/08/2013 13:05

There's a whole thing around photos with animals, kids etc. In some cases the women with pictures of them and their kids are doing me a favour - because a lot of the kids look like thugs - however, in general I don't think it's right to be touting yourself to strangers with pictures of your kids - doesn't seem fair on the kids somehow.

MsApprehension · 09/08/2013 13:15

Yes lorna I've seen a few of them with photos of themselves brandishing babies, they tend to be captioned self-consciously to show that while they don't have a child, they are great with kids e.g. "Here's me holding my baby NEPHEW who i love so much". Very odd.

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 13:22

...poor baby nephew looks like he doesn't know what hit him...Smile

does anyone remember THIS poster? Grin

notyesterdaythankyou · 09/08/2013 13:22

May I jump in as a long time lurker?

This is really a question for Bant and DFU

Could you tell me what attracts you to a woman's profile? And what puts you off?

justmeandmytwo · 09/08/2013 13:32

Hi guys and gals, I'm a new poster on here but long time lurker. Just need a little advice. I joined Pof a few months ago but soon after deactivated my account as just didnt feel I had the confidence just yet. However, I did start talking to one guy on there and we have been chatting on and off through texting since then. He's suggested meeting next week, but since he's out of area has suggested he books me into a travelodge near him so we can both enjoy a couple of glasses of wine.
So, is this a bit much for a first date with a man I haven't met. We get along well on a texting level and seem to enjoy the same humour and all that malarkey. What do you think?

OhWesternWind · 09/08/2013 13:34

I think I am past the baby-brandishing age group but what you tend to get then is photos of them being down with the yoof and bonding with their teenage offspring at various gigs and festivals dressed up in silly hats and shades and in the worst cases making "cool" signs with their hands. Don't, just don't.

Not sure which is worse, really.

OhWesternWind · 09/08/2013 13:42

Hello Just - how far away is this man?

I think it all depends on what you want - bit of fun or a longer-term relationship. If you're looking for something longer-term, would it be a non-starter here due simply to the distance? If it's a yes and a yes to my last questions, then it's probably not worth meeting up.

If you're looking for a fun night but not particularly bothered about a follow-up, then why not?

The best way to feel more confident about dating is just to do it, to be honest. It really does get easier as you go along. I'm quite shy but dating has actually done me a load of good by making me go along and have a couple of hours' chat with someone. If you look at it as meeting someone for a chat rather than a DATE then that helps a lot too.

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 13:42

justmeandmytwo

hmmmm - I don't know, I'm of the mindset that I quite like getting drunk and flirty and even taking things further on a 1st date if I like the bloke?

i think as long as you're fairly self-aware and are the kind of person who can generally deal with stuff well as it comes along it's more than ok to "take a little bit of a risk"?

i'm interested in hearing others perspectives?

yeah also have you google stalked him/chatted on the phone yet?

scrazy · 09/08/2013 13:47

Just, I might take the risk if I was you.

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 13:52

also to add - I hope it turns out beautifully Smile, but don't get too self conscious if it doesn't?

speaking for myself i know i've invested time, travelling, etc in dates that turned out to be a bit "meh/eurgh" or false starts, but hey you gotta be in it to win it!

KinNora · 09/08/2013 14:02

Hello Just I'm with OWW on the forced meetings with strangers being good for the shy amongst us, I know it's been a useful exercise for me as I've sat nursing a vodka and tonic with a succession of Level Twos.

There is no way I can manage to say an individual hello to everybody so hello to you all.

Flipper I ain't seeing no woo, my current bevy of possibilities range from Hot Tub (I like his telescope) Comedy Guy (I'm waiting to be amused ) Nah Man ( he said I looked 'sweet', this is clearly going nowhere) Kryten (bald rectangular head but persistent) and You Di-rty Old Man ( Steptoe lookey likey and a swinger ) - I should just get 15 cats and a book on crocheting right now.

Moanranger · 09/08/2013 14:06

Need some feedback from all you wise souls on this thread - Meet Up guy & I have now been seriously involved for about 10 weeks, but while we have a lot in common, there are differences & they are starting to have me worried, to wit:
Me - decisive/ impulsive, dynamic, strategic thinker, goal oriented;
Him - deliberate, bit of a ditherer, can procrastinate. Is nearly always 15 min late.
Is this going to drive us both nuts? Me wanting him to hurry up; me scaring the bejesus out of him with my - relatively high speed life style.
Dunno...
Thoughts?

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