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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
Flipper934 · 08/08/2013 21:14

Mmm, that is a beautiful kitchen, DFU. And is that Pavillion Grey on the walls?

Blimey, there's a lot of us public sector types on here! Go us!

DadfromUncle · 08/08/2013 21:25

Thanks for all the kitchen/Silver Fox lurve - you are all too kind. The paint is Mineral Mist - it's green(ish) that camera's obviously not all that great.

Flipper934 · 08/08/2013 21:42

I think it's the light, rather than the camera. Or maybe my eyes. Still lovely.

I have kitchen envy. My next door neighbours on both sides have nicer kitchens than me, and now even online people have nicer kitchens. I need to stop buying clothes and start saving for a kitchen.

grinchie · 08/08/2013 21:47

DFU did you choose that kitchen yourself (or was it there when you moved in?)

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 22:05

Yeah Grinchie that's what I want to know about DFU's kitchen too!

Well I didn't get my phone chat with late night chat man... Text him to say I was free to chat... Got a reply some time later to say he was on his way to his sister as she was unwell, could we chat tomorrow? All very plausible. Then I logged into POF well I could have been checking messages and he was online...

Thoughts? He could have left himself logged in I suppose.

Ball back in his court now anyway, so no contact tomorrow will mean..... NEXT!

OP posts:
DadfromUncle · 08/08/2013 22:15

Kitchen replaced the one that was here when I moved in - been here (in this house) 7 years, was originally my bachelor home after divorce, then DP moved in with DC, then out again. The kitchen was a joint choice to be scrupulously fair - there is a small chance I might not have bothered, but given I did, it's definitely what I wanted. It's about 2 years old. Again - I don't wish to brag in any way, and I didn't really expect it to get this much comment Blush but what do I know?

scrazy · 08/08/2013 22:21

I'm pencilled in for a kitchen refit towards the end of the year and I like the curved units. Still carn't make up my mind what I want re units though Confused.

Overtheraenbow · 08/08/2013 22:35

Loo update: mr IT ; Nice but a bit geeky (: no surprise there

Hamwidgeandcheps · 08/08/2013 22:40

Django - google told me a while ago that the online status thing on POF isn't v reliable - something about them trying to make like the site has more traffic than it does....

Hamwidgeandcheps · 08/08/2013 22:42

Hot and cold man being officially weird. Odds on he cancels tomorrow. Wish he'd hurry up so I can cancel babysitter. Sigh. Just want to move on now if this is dying Hmm

Kirstywirsty · 08/08/2013 22:44

Raen I work in IT and ALL the guys are geeky ( the women are super cool though Wink )

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 22:55

Scrazy I've just bought a new kitchen for my shiny new house, the curved units were waaaay more expensive than the standard ones so I settled for standard (therefore DFU, you're making a bigger statement with that profile pic than you think Wink )

Ham thank you for those kind words. He seemed so genuine last night, so this has quite burst my bubble! Not sure whether I have absolutely no faith in men at all at the moment so should get on the sofa and sort myself out or whether it's just all men on POF I distrust... By the time I'd scouted around a bit more, he had gone "offline".... and he wasn't online on my PC later, not that I was stalking him or anything

Thank goodness I'm going out with friends to get shitfaced tomorrow eve!

OP posts:
Hamwidgeandcheps · 08/08/2013 23:01

Plus I'm not sure how the app works - whether it runs all the time?

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:10

Ham do you have to wait for him to blow cold? Do you have any other options you can follow up in the meantime?

No idea how POF works, I could imagine they'd want you to think that whoever you've been messaging is online... but I'm probably clutching at straws. Wouldn't have a problem with anyone at this stage being on POF - but not if they're fibbing about it...

Joy you were saying the same earlier - why fib? Grrrrrr!

OP posts:
Kirstywirsty · 08/08/2013 23:20

MrCheeky told me that the app seemed to suggest that he was online more than he was

Hamwidgeandcheps · 08/08/2013 23:25

No I suppose I don't have to wait its just complicated. Sometimes I think he has a lot going on and I should just be more patient about it. Sometimes I think the last few months are probably how the relationship will be. I will be raising this if he turns up tomorrow. I think I want someone a tiny bit more available than he is. I'm just bored!

No other options yet as he turned up as I was about to fling myself out there again. I'm up for trying OD again but doing it feels a bit final wrt mr hot and cold.

If he's calling time he is the type to do it face to face. On this occasion I wish he wouldn't - I'm happy enough to hear it now and move on.

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:25

Well I'm giving late night chat man 24 hours to contact me... Bless him if he has got a poorly sister...

OP posts:
Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:28

Hope you find out one way or another tomorrow then, Ham.

OP posts:
JoAlone · 08/08/2013 23:36

Wading in on the DFU discussion.. That there is a 'mighty fine' kitchen, and also, he def is a silver fox. Any more interest since the profile update?

Djang fingers crossed he just left himself signed in. I remember once coming back to my POF account to a series of messages from a guy who had slowly but surely started to have his own little mental breakdown, he thought I was ignoring him.

On the self esteem front, I heard something like 'we accept what we think we are worth'. Cannot remember who said it, but it stuck with me. Many, not all, of us seem to have had some dickheads people in our lives that affected our self worth, so it's hardly surpirsing. But how does one get to the place of self belief? Was speaking to a friend who was also married to a sociopath (my ex's best friend acutally), and her new saying in life is, I have already had the 'no', now I am going for the 'yes'. I like it. Anyway, goodnight lovely people of MN dating thread, hope the woo is still alive and well for all the daters. Wine

Overtheraenbow · 08/08/2013 23:44

kirsty true!!

Well just home, as I say he was 'nice' ..... No sparks but then I'm starting to think I wouldn't get sparks if Ryan Gosling threw himself naked at my feet! ( well maybe then...). But trouble is I have had sparks for last 20 years and now maybe nice is a good thing? According to ' women who love too much' it would seem i go for men who are a bit dangerous and exciting and should be looking for someone with a bit more stability ! So maybe that's why?? Hmm that and Ryan gosling being unavailable way out of my league

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:44

Over! Just spotted your loo update - is geeky good? If so - great! :)

Jo I think that saying is spot on. I go to a counsellor, and have done for a few years now.... I've reduced contact with people who make me feel worthless, and that has helped immensely, but still some way to go... G'night!

OP posts:
Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:46

Oh cross posted Over. So you had a "nice" night :) ... maybe sleep on it and see how you feel about it in the morning?

OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 08/08/2013 23:48

sending you good vibes on late night chat man django you're obviously on the ball with picking up a "small red flag" here now so just gotta see what happens?

Djangounhinged · 08/08/2013 23:50

Yeah Lorna, nothing else for it! Thanks :)

OP posts:
DadfromUncle · 09/08/2013 00:00

Nothing's turned up since profile update - early days yet and I hols with DD to look forward to next week. I have said I am not in any rush and it's true.
Once confided in a friend's wife that I have this idea of maslows hierarchy of attractiveness and she was horrified to think I'd relationships with people I didn't find drop dead gorgeous.