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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

988 replies

wavesandsmiles · 28/07/2013 12:21

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

OP posts:
bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 29/07/2013 23:18

Agreed ezio. It'll be waving frantically when it becomes apparent just how close to him having become a father he's been saying this crap.

BloomingRose · 29/07/2013 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springytotty · 29/07/2013 23:19

I'm so sorry (( waves )). The timing of it, well... Sad

One foot in front of the other dear woman. You are a survivor and you will get through this pain. He doesn't deserve as much as your smallest fingernail but I know that is no consolation now. He hurts you again and again, try to step away. Hunker down and have that lovely time with your new miracle, even though your heart is sore. The kids bickering upstairs - I sometimes think kids need to be left on their own to get on with it sometimes. They sorted it out without your intervention - maybe it's a good thing for all of you.

Keep posting. You have a lot of love and support on here. Sounds like you have some lovely rl support too - your lodger sounds kind and caring, and your friends have been so caring and thoughtful. Which is what you need now, not cruelty.

thinking of you dear waves xxxx

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 29/07/2013 23:28

Shit. He had to change the bed sheets twice apparently. Read a message conversation with his mate. So he has definitely been screwing around.

I am shaking.......

And in tears, and my lovely little boy is sleeping which is what I should be doing.

I don't want this to be my life any more.

OP posts:
BloomingRose · 29/07/2013 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/07/2013 23:29

Caspian will take after you lovely waves and inherit your decency and moral compass. Forget those ugly words - what does that make him then? Very sorry ex punctured your balloon - try not to get distressed over the sperm donor. For more than 24 hours it was a truce while it lasted but Epic Waste of Space as he is, he couldn't keep up the pretence. Hormones awash it is instinct to keep the bio dad onside and you were generous enough to welcome him and his tribe.

Now focus on yourself and your lovely DCs. Give yourself a pat on the back for such a wonderful birth and don't fret, DS1 and DD are just finding their feet with a new baby in the home.

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 29/07/2013 23:34

And he is off out with his mate tomorrow night to "wet the baby's head with beers and fanny". God I feel sick.

Why the fuck did I open my home to him and his family? Why did I let him be there during everything?

OP posts:
BloomingRose · 29/07/2013 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 29/07/2013 23:37

Oh waves. What a horrid horrid man he is. My frie.d's ex said similar to her when they were still together. And that all her friends hated her, which was soooo obviously untrue. Even so, he got her so twisted up that she had to ask. Twunt will say anything to get what he wants now , and he wants tto get his end away..... Ido hope that woman sees right through him.

As for you, you are kind, tolerant, forgiving, massivelytalented, generous, oh I could go on, but your head wouln't get through doorways if I did!

You enhance life. That is so rare. Brightening up the world. Making it a better place just because you're in it. That's you, Waves, that's you.

Ezio · 29/07/2013 23:37

Waves, because our a damn sight better than him, atleast you can hold your head up high and say, i did it for my son.

He cant say the same.

youarewinning · 29/07/2013 23:45

waves I have just read your story from beginning to end. My good god gawd woman - you need a fucking medal. Thanks

Your newborn DS is beautiful as are your DS1 and DD.

and remember - you feel like you can't do this - but you've already proved you can.

Am I right in thinking your not in the UK?

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 30/07/2013 00:00

I printed off the pertinent bits of conversations....and texted him. He has now logged out of fb. Apparently he got with me because I am a skinny tattooed hippy who earned £20k a year more than him, owned my own house and my kids' dad isn't on the scene so "no grief" there.

Marvellous. At least I actually know the truth now. I'm not mainland UK, no. Not for now at least. Thinking a fresh start is seriously in order. And maybe a break with the kids during the holidays. Not remotely inclined to sleep now, so may have a look at flights and see if I can't get the 4 of us away for a bit.

And you are all now (according to twunt) promoted from "vipers" to "cunt snakes"

What a twat. He has just witnessed me giving birth ffs, with no pain relief, then opening my home to his children, mum and sister, for far longer than is reasonable on the DAY after giving birth, and he can carry on like this. Caspian was less than 24 hours old for goodness sake.

OP posts:
Allalonenow · 30/07/2013 00:04

waves Please don't let this utter wanker spoil these first few precious days you share with Caspian. Push this selfish manchild to the very back of your mind.
Focus on baby Caspian, on yourself, on your beautiful older children. Together the four of you will be an awesome family unit.

You are vulnerable now, because you have been ill for so long, and now your hormones are dancing a jig; rest, eat, stay calm, listen to music.

CurlyFox · 30/07/2013 00:08

Waves you have been through so much in the past few months, please don't let Twunt get to you. You are such a special person if he can't see what you have just been through to bring his son into the world then he is
an idiot.

All your cuntsnake mumsnetters are here for you. I doubt Twunt will ever have the support you do. Holiday sounds like
a good idea. It's time for you and your Dc's now.

Allalonenow · 30/07/2013 00:08

I quite like being a cunt snake, as I always thought being a viper was a bit mild mannered.

Apileofballyhoo · 30/07/2013 00:15

Oh waves. You need to protect your heart. I'm so sorry. I can only say it's better to find out now rather than have wasted a longer part of your life on this guy.

Ezio · 30/07/2013 00:19

Well we might be "Cunt snakes" but "Cunt snakes" with hearts.

And he hates us because we all think hes a low life, scumbag, shitface and arse, with all the compassion and love in his heart as an evil dictator who whines about what hes entitled to but wont get because he ultimately is a complete loser and no one likes him apart from other tossers.

tightfortime · 30/07/2013 00:41

Well I'm proud to be a cuntsnake. Proud to be a virtual viper, Caspian auntie who can't go to bed without checking in.

Fuck him and his beer and his fanny.

Always remember that you were the bigger person who allowed him to be part of a miracle. Hold your hormonal post delivery head high girl because you are a star, an inspiration and a wonderful mother who can and will do this brilliantly without him.

And good riddance. Box him and his twuntish ways up and bury them. You don't need him...you need friends and family and a good cry.

I'm raging for you and pitying him and what he has lost through his own selfish entitled asshole behaviour.

It will get easier and better. Allow yourself moments of doubt, you are human and have been through so very much in a short time.

Then sling that baby close, cuddle those gorgeous kids of yours and hang out the washing.

Much love x

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 30/07/2013 00:46

It all sucks a bit really. Caspian is also on a feeding frenzy, as I think my milk has come in. So I have the joy of no sleep, cracked nipples, after pains, lochia, 2 other DCs to look after, appointments tomorrow, and I started off feeling so positive this evening. I even had a small glass of Wine to try to celebrate my gorgeous son's arrival. And then I discover all of this.

I said to twunt that he could come round to spend some time with us now Caspian is here, and he gave excuses why not....and actually it's because he wants to get his end away (or off?, I don't know the phrase)

And he kept saying he loved me. I need to stop wondering why. I KNOW that I was shitty to be around after I got pregnant, but I also know that pregnancy makes people a bit crazy with hormones, and I was so ill on top of that. So yes, I stopped being fun, and was harsh around his kids, but I was so much worse with mine (and god, has he been saying some horrid things about my older DCs in these bloody FB messages) And he has at least slept with one other person (OW from that initial text message back in January). And I told him how sorry I was about how I was acting. I can't keep going in circles with this. But I am so gutted that I opened up to him, and that I let him be there with me, at the most vulnerable and intimate of times. And all he wants to do is go hunting for a fuck.

I am going to ask someone to come round tomorrow so I can have a bath. I ache and feel yukky and daren't leave Caspian as he will doubtless want feeding the moment my toe hits the water!

OP posts:
springytotty · 30/07/2013 01:01

I'm sorry you're having to weather this now, waves .

I want to be stern with you but I blanche at it. Please sleep. Put all this fuck-awful shit in a box and bury it in the garden - you're good at that. It's summer, you've plenty of time to get it out again when you're ready. Cosy up with your lovely snuggly baby. Waves, a new baby is one of the best things on the planet - try to bury yourself in the loveliness of this incredible treat.

And fuck the father. Fuck the low-down skank. You had a lovely birth experience - some posters cried when they read it (not saying who). You're lovely and you're loved.

so sleep, waves. You need it, it's important you get it now in these early days.

Love Auntie Cunt Snake xxx

Allalonenow · 30/07/2013 01:10

I hope you have printed off some of the crap he has written about all of this so that you can show it to his Mother in the distant future.

For now, push it all to the back of your mind, listen to your favourite music, try to eat something, drink plenty of water/tea/squash, eat cake, eat chocolate, read a favourite book (do you reread?).

Above all else, focus on Caspian and yourself. Take care dear waves x.

imbe123 · 30/07/2013 01:23

Hi waves.
I never post but felt after reading your story I just had to.
Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son.
Please don't let him (twunt) get to you ( I know easier said that done) but he really isn't worth your energy.
I hope that you can get some sleep and find a lovely holiday for you and your DCs.

TimidLivid · 30/07/2013 02:23

Waves I check ur thread before I go to sleep and a lot. That is because you are wonderful and I envied your lovely birth story. Your three children are beautiful and once you recover from the birth and all this its just going to get easier and better for you.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter · 30/07/2013 04:14

Many congratulations Waves on the birth of darling little Caspian :)

thekitchenfairy · 30/07/2013 05:36

Well he couldn't keep the facade up v long could he? Don't give yourself a hard time love, you acted with dignity and grace, and I think that is what you will remember when you look back at this in future times.

Try not to let his twuntfuckery mess with your 3-day roller coaster hormones. You are awesome and we are all here checking in on you, holding you up high above this glorious vipers' nest Grin

Can u sort a quick play date for your older DCs? Please keep calling on your RL help.

I gave my eldest the job of photo-documenting everything about our youngest's arrival. Accept your 2 may be too old for this but they are creative wee things aren't they and early pictures are so precious it could be a v special thing they can help with.

Wish I could come and cook you lunch and let you have a snooze and a bath, but maybe its time for early morning Brew instead!

Take care awesome Waves xx