Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

[wavesandsmiles]

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

[PyroclasticFlo]

Miss Strawberry you're not a clot!

Sounds like you need to be gentle with yourself too, and don't be afraid to cry. It's a way of honouring yourself and letting yourself feel what you're going through, of being present to it. A life of hiding from how we feel is never peaceful.

Like I say, I learned all this the hard way

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

pyroclastic is correct. Ive also learned the very bloody hard way.

I have to say I am a 'better' more balanced person now that I have dealt with stuff. Learning how to disconnect and rationalise is an important skill that I picked up. I can honestly say it has made my dealings with my mother less emotional and I dont get so pissed off with things she says/does now.

[MissStrawberry]

Thank you .

Hope everyone is okay.

How are you, Waves and Caspian?

[MichaelaS]

Long time lurker on this post, hello!

Just wanted to say I think you are AMAZING! You are found so well and your DCs are going to be so proud of you. Be kind to yourself and have a safe space to cry if you need to.

Also, just a layman but I think you should go for The Big Job. It sounds like it excites you more, pays more, has less travel and only slightly longer hours. I am combining an attempt at a Big City Career with small children, and if you find a good nanny or childminder or nursery you can do it all, it's manic and you never relax but it's thrilling and never boring and it makes you feel full of confidence and power and ability. What's the worst that can happen? You find it's too much and you have to step back to a less responsible job like the second one you're considering? :-)

Best of luck and I'm sure you'll be fine, more than fine, whatever you decide. Sure, there is a short term hill of grieving and adjusting to get over. But once you are reconciled to the new normal, once your subconscious settles into it then wow, you will be unstoppable!!

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

morning waves and everyone. and lots of

bloody puppy has decided that 4.30 is a good time to wake me up for the loo... then 6ish is daylight so it is time to GET UP! He is now snoozing next to me in the lounge. I want to prod him awake.

hope you are having a lovely weekend doing not too much.

[mistlethrush]

Jax, just in case it helps... mistlehound decided to tell me that she was really pleased that she'd slept some of the night on the sofa, and wanted to let me know that she had now relocated onto her bed in our bedroom, wasn't it nice to be all together. Then this morning at about 6.45 she thought she would have another stroke and stuck her cold nose on a bare patch of skin... before settling back down to snooze a bit longer. And now she's blissfully asleep on the sofa next to me.

Waves, hope all's well with you.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Hope you're having a good weekend waves.

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

thanks mistle. he has been full of nonsense all day today. We did our first puppy class today, he was funny, good, did his bits well although he did the 'wall of death' dash when it was recall time. little sod.

sorry for slight hijack waves, but my pup makes me laugh a lot.

[springybuffy]

He sounds adorable!

[wavesandsmiles]

Your pup sounds so sweet Jax!

I'm ok, had a really good weekend with all the DCs have now done the first coat of paint on the hand rails etc going up the stairs. DD helped a bit so I need to go and buy some sandpaper to tidy it up.....

Caspian had his first immunisations today, and its also dad's birthday so we have been to the cemetery with flowers. Mum gets the results of all the tests on her heart this afternoon, so it is quite a day.

I haven't really done much crying at all. I'm still feeling pretty busy and actually my weeks are so full despite not working. On that note, I am definitely taking the Big Job, just waiting for the contract to arrive. It is completely doable in terms of hours out of home, and I will love the challenge. I have a part time nursery place for Caspian which coincides with school hours and it is just a minute or so from school so I just need to sort out arrangements for all 3, maybe an au pair, maybe a local childminder or nanny. That is my next mission, to get firm arrangements in place.

[MissStrawberry]

Great news on the job .

Hope Caspian is fine after his jab and your mum's results are okay.

for your dad.

[BerylStreep]

Oooh! Big job wins! Is that the one on the mainland, or the other one?

for all. Hope all is ok with your Mum.

[BerylStreep]

Oh, ignore me - I misread.

[themidwife]

Congratulations! Now just to divorce the twunt before he interferes with your plans!!

[ChasedByBees]

Well done Waves!

[WingDefence]

Well done again! :)

[WingDefence]

Ooh and new thread needed soon?

[wavesandsmiles]

Mums results were fine, and I also managed more decluttering. Such a relief. Tomorrow I hope to make a banana and walnut loaf (or 2) as I got a huge bag of very brown bananas for 50 pence this afternoon. And do some other bits and bobs around the house.

I cried and cried and cried before. Maybe I needed all the things from today to have happened? And I actually howled, not just silent tears. Now I'm laying I'm bed with a snoring baby on my shoulder, and thinking I'm actually going to have to put him down and finish packed lunches and do some washing up. And probably start a new thread. I know I need your support still, despite all the good things. Mainly because the suggestion that I divorce twunt ASAP actually fills me with utter dread. I know I know I know that I have to. I really do know this. But I can't quite explain why it feels like such a hard thing to do. Such a massive step. But to not do so will leave me struggling in a stinky mud pool or quick sand or something like that. I know that if I don't completely cut him out he WILL reel me back in, and my heart will be shredded and my children, all 3 of them, will have been totally let down. By me.

[AgathaF]

Oh waves. You are right, you must divorce him - in your head as well as on paper.

You are a sterling woman. You cope so well - bloody hell, you have a new and super impressive job whilst still having a fairly newborn baby. You don't need his extra baggage around your neck. You know that though.

I reckon just take the plunge and do it. Get the divorce underway. This is the painful part - the thinking about it. Once it is underway you can let it roll.

[wavesandsmiles]

I can't stop crying. Crap. I should never have started. Just reading back these threads and twunt's texts. It's horrible. I've have had the absolute crappiest year.

[wavesandsmiles]

And I can't even phrase a sentence grammatically!

[IAmNotAMindReader]

Yes you have had a shit year, but its a solid foundation to build on and a learning experience. If you can come through all of that, survive all he put you through then you can survive anything.
Now is the time to deal with the feelings surrounding it so it doesn't continue to poison your life. Cut all remaining emotional and physical ties and let him sail on his way with no residual feelings for him one way or another. While you sail on with yours building a bright new future for you and your children.

[MissStrawberry]

Nothing, nothing, is harder than going through a pregnancy alone fighting for your baby while looking after your other children so divorce is shit, hard and upsetting but you have done much harder things. Your solicitor should do most of it.

[BerylStreep]

Oh, I could come over all Christina Aguilera, but it really is true - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I can vouch for it - don't want to go into details here, but after a horrifically shit time in my life, it made me the person I am now, and I came through it. And I'm not even a fraction as strong or awesome as you are.

But all in your own good time. When you started this thread C was only a few hours old, so one step at a time. Now look, 974 posts on!

[wavesandsmiles]

The trouble, a trouble, with living in a small community is that there is no escape. I really really wish I'd not declined the good job opportunity in Scotland. It would have been far more of a struggle in terms of childcare and building a totally new life, but I could have escaped. I feel so sad. I don't want to go out and about because I know twunt was saying such horrible things about me to so many people. He finally actually admitted to one one night stand with a random, which suggests to me that there was a hell of a lot more than that going on. I don't want people to see me and think that I am the crappy person who can't keep a man, who is the psycho he painted me. Or know that any person in the street could be the "random". I can't do it. I don't want to take the job anymore in case someone there is the random.

Why why why is this still hurting me so much. I want to switch it all off and it won't stop. And I am so sorry for my uncharacterful weak and worn down posts this evening. I don't feel strong, I feel on the edge of a precipice.