Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

[wavesandsmiles]

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

What lovely pictures! He is scrumptious.

I'm glad that your MIL/SIL are offering you support as well.

I had 4 hours solid sleep last night and I work have had another longer stretch had DS1 and DD not woken me up. Feel amazing for it.

I've now done my first post-baby gig. Caspian was good as gold, fed right on cue and was mostly in the sling whilst I was playing. Bit tired now as what with getting there and back he has been in the sling for 3 hours. It went really well though, and even my playing is better since I'm not pregnant. I don't think I realised what a drastic effect the HG had on every part of me. DD and DS1 were fabulous, carried my gear and the changing bag and were so kind offering help at every opportunity, so I just treated them both to a homemade ice cream sundae.

I have no plans for tomorrow, today has been quite intense, so it will probably be something of a duvet day again.

I definitely feel stronger. No longer getting upset by TB (who hangs up now on me when I say that I don't need or want her to take DD and DS1 out, and didn't get me any flowers either) and although its still very lonely and overwhelming, I'm managing aren't I.

You are more than managing, Waves. You are doing brilliantly well, congratulations! HAve some . And possibly even a little later today. Hurrah for DD and DS1 being nice and helpful too, and even bigger Hurrah for Caspian for behaving so well for you!

Lovely updates waves glad your DCs are so welcoming to their baby brother, they must ordinarily feel very loved and secure not to begrudge him your attention.

You certainly are managing extremely well! TB & twunt only have their own interests at heart disguised as "help" so there is payback if you allow them in, ie manipulation & control.

Well done!

Hurray for 4 hours sleep!!!!

Hurray for children who are lovely and helpful and adore their baby brother!!!!

Hurray for no regrets. Wasted emotion as you can't change things.

Hurray for Baby liking Mummy playing and for it being easier!!!

Hurray!!!!

You are doing amazingly waves I am in awe xx

I'm glad everything went well Waves! And the playing too! And the sleep!!!

You're more than managing. I'm so glad that everything's starting to be easier now the HG is over.

Hi waves sorry been busy this weekend just checking in on you. Glad you are getting some sleep I still think you are some kind of Wonder Woman. There is no way I could've done what you are doing when I was breastfeeding both my girls I was shattered nothing would've got me out to do gigs..but then that just shows what a truly amazing woman you are!

yes, you are doing amazingly well. Well done dear waves.

I would love to have been there at the concert.

sounds like you're all hunkering down and enjoying your lovely little family. Who made your kids so lovely and sensible like that, waves? it was you.

Well done, well done, well done.

I hope he sleeps well tonight. Feeling a bit emotionally fragile - I think mostly because it was such a busy day, and, well, when I look back to a year ago, I never imagined that this was where my journey was leading to. I feel stupid for STILL being upset about everything, but then I think it is sort of like a grieving process, and that takes a very long time, as I know as I still miss my dad, and still have moments of sobbing and that was over 2 years ago.

It's a bit lonely at this time of the evening, wondering whether cluster feeding is finished, or whether there is another one (or two) (or three) to go before hopefully a few solid hours of sleep. I think I'll take him upstairs, get him into a sleepsuit, and see if after that he will have a good feed and sleep. Ironically, last night I actually put him in the little moses basket and he slept the best so far Maybe my bed is a bit too big for him and he preferred the snugness of the basket? Anyway, if he is happy, then I am happy, and we do at least have the option to switch between the two.

Tomorrow I am not going out at all, other than maybe just down to the local shop. We are however going to do some baking, C's feeding permitting. I am going to try and do a homemade coffee and walnut cake, and DD is desperate to make a lemon drizzle cake (I don't have any lemons which is why we might have to go to the shop).

Oh I wish I could stop feeling sad...

Oh so very pleased for you that your concert went well, what a star you are waves!
Your DD and DS1 sound lovely children, what a strong family team the four of you will be.
Hope you have got cake, and that you rest as much as you can.
Sweet dreams, dear waves.

waves what a talent you have, well done. It is hard to banish sad thoughts but you sound stronger every day.

Now, a less intense day tomorrow, sweet dreams.

Must have x posted with you waves.
It's natural to feel sad just now, your hormones will be giving you a helter skelter ride, also your whole planned life is in a state of flux; how could you feel whatever "normal" is?

But, you have your wonderful older children, your beautiful baby, your musical talent, and above all your own indomitable spirit.

Also I think that that all the months of sickness will have depleted your emotional and physical strength, so you need to rest to build that all up again.

Take care, sleep tight.

It's so understandable that you feel sad, but you should also feel some joy too at what you have achieved and how well you are coping.

Hope the baking is fun.

Morning lovely lady! C would have heard you playing throughout his time inside and I bet he finds it totally soothing now :)

Have a lovely relaxing day

I thought I'd posted this last night but it didn't work...

I have spent the last two days reading your threads from the start of your journey in jan and I just had to say what an amazing woman you are waves whether you always feel like you are or not. I am totally and utterly in awe of you.

Hope you got some sleep and caspian is gorgeous! And your other dc are a credit to you. You will come through the other side of all this I have no doubt. X

I think today may become a baking marathon.... Heavy rain and inspired DCs so looks like cake, flapjacks and gingerbread are on the menu! Well, provided at least some of them are freezable....

Barely any sleep last night, C switched to Southern Hemisphere time. When I did sleep the bad dreams featuring twunt had developed into full blown nightmares. Woke up crying and sweating and shaking

BUT I do have the most lovely little family now. And the gorgeous tiny thing sleeping on the giraffe changing mat right beside me on the bed grew in me..... All that sickness and nausea and time in hospital and painful cannulas etc was worth it. Especially when I see my older DCs beaming with love and holding their baby brother. It was a hard pregnancy for them too. I grew this little man, with no support from twunt, quite the opposite until he left actually.

I'm going to yawn my way through some recipes.... I'm product testing rapeseed oil at the moment, so trying to replace butter in baking and cooking with oil. The sponge cake was great so will see if the other things work out.

Keep forgetting to say, but Caspian adores his blankets.... He's been just in a vest during the night, with one or other blanket. So warm and soft and full of love

Grieving is a pain eh - but there's only one way, and that's through (I could grumble myself about that tbh...)

But you get good days and bad days. go with them all, live in the moment. NOt easy to do if you're a planner but, ultimately, a good life skill who cares about life skills at times like this though, we just want to feel alright, back on our perch This too shall pass (it always does..)

I hope you're getting better weather than us - we've gone rainy and cold. Which is usual for blighty but a shock after the almost tropical weather we've had for a month (we were spoilt).

Lemon drizzle cake sounds yum xxx

He's writing me a letter to explain everything, apparently. He told me that by text last night. So, of course, since last night and all day I have been fretting about when I will get the letter, how I will receive the letter, and what will be in the letter

At least the sunshine came out and the rain stopped, and I have baked all morning between feeds. So there are masses of flapjacks, and tons of coffee and walnut cake with coffee and buttercream icing in my kitchen! I actually froze half the flapjacks and half the sponge cake (I made FAR too much and ended up having to cook an extra couple.....) so we will be well in with treats for ages. I think DD still wants to make gingerbread men (or biscuits, as we don't have cutters for men) but I will play that by ear as I think I just hit a wall of exhaustion.

Lemon drizzle cake and chocolate brownies (DS1's choice) will probably have to wait until tomorrow.

How many 'I's do we think will be in that letter? How many 'you did/didn't' and how much blame onto you?

I suggest you write him a letter, based on your threads here. You don't need to send it

A letter, oh! That'll be helpful for lining a cat's litter tray or possibly just the once shredding for bedding in a guinea pig's cage.

Try not to worry about the contents of the letter. In reality, there is far, far too much for him to explain, so whatever he writes will be minimising rubbish. Not worth the paper it's on or the worry either.

Glad you are enjoying the baking. That's something you couldn't have imagined doing a month ago .

Oh My Lord, he's writing you a letter? To what end? Seriously, the guy is unbefuckinglievable. It isn't going to "explain everything" - all it's going to do is allow him to make you feel more like shit, tell you how much of this is down to you, add in some extra recriminations for good measure, and let you know how sad HE is about it all. It will be all "himhimhim wah wah wah!" and will be UTTER DRIVEL and pointless.

Do you have a shredder?

AgathaF - I don't think there's far too much for him to explain at all - I think it's quite simple, he's a bastard and that's kind of it. A bastard who thought he was onto a good thing and "cracked the shits" (as Aussie mates of mine say) when his "good thing" started to go tits up.

Waves, do you want a letter from him? If not, bin it when it comes. Or, if you feel there is a tiny chance there might be something relevant in it could you ask someone else to read it who can filter out the crap I am sure will be in there and tell you what if anything is relevant?