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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

988 replies

wavesandsmiles · 28/07/2013 12:21

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

OP posts:

AppleCrumples · 03/08/2013 10:38

waves glad things seem to be going well with Caspian. You amaze me,do you ever stop?!!

So glad to hear you are eating

Original poster

wavesandsmiles · 03/08/2013 11:47

I forgot how the body can adjust to 2 hours sleep! C was feeding all night and finally at just before 6 he nodded off, and I did to, and he slept til 8.30.

My exSIL is taking DS1 and DD out for a bit early afternoon, so I can hopefully catch an extra nap with Caspian then.

I had to text twunt as he kept on texting me asking when he could see the baby, and got to the stage of giving me times over the weekend. I replied saying that Caspian's needs have to come before his wants at the moment, and Caspian needs a calm, happy mummy to ensure his needs are met, and that seeing twunt would cause me immense distress given I have now discovered the extent of deception and behaviour, and also given that his response to my texting him about that was to send a woman 48 hours post partum after a hideous pg and long labour was to send a nasty and selfish text back. I let him know that my family support worker will be in touch in a fortnight to liaise with him. Hopefully he won't take this as another weapon but I expect my name is dirtier than ever amongst him and his friends/fuckbuddies.

It is so SO hard to maintain this calmness and focus, and to keep pouring oil onto the raging stormy seas inside me. I feel so utterly betrayed and let down. I invited him to be part of the most intimate experience a woman has, let him be there, because I trusted what he had said, and felt it was the right thing to do. Still having awful dreams, and wish I could have him erased from my memory like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh to be a contented little one week old baby, sleeping on a play mat with no concerns or worries.

OP posts:

Original poster

wavesandsmiles · 03/08/2013 11:55

Just managed to upload a couple of photos, including one of acrobat in his special waves blanket....thanks to everyone who donated wool for that - he loves it as much as the other!

OP posts:

wordyBird · 03/08/2013 12:02

Beautiful....

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/08/2013 12:05

Another wonderful set of photos waves what a Prince Charming he is.

Unlike someone else.

Love the image of you playing and Caspian happy to listen.

Ezio · 03/08/2013 12:10

Oh Waves, he makes my heart melt, hes so beautiful, much like his mummy.

FobblyWoof · 03/08/2013 12:30

God waves he's absolutely gorgeous

shiningcadence · 03/08/2013 12:55

waves, you know that saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? Massive cliche I know, but it is true and this experience will make you a much stronger person.

Never again will a twunty shit of a man darken your door. And you're much stronger regarding your mum having been through this I think.

Of course I wish you hasn't been through all this shit and that twunt was the man you thought he was. But he wasn't and you have dealt with that IMO better than anyone else on this planet would've dealt with it: strength, dignity and kindness - being the better person when you could've told him to bugger off. You've been brill.

I sincerely wish that your character will never be tested the way it has these past 9 months waves but you know now that you can do it, you can cope. That's YOU. YOU alone without twunt or your mum or anyone else.

Thumbwitch · 03/08/2013 13:57

Such a darling little sweetie he is! And the waves blanket looks lovely around him too

Please please please forget about Twunt being at the birth - just downgrade him to the level of trainee cleaner or something and whitewash him out. You did completely the right thing re. access visits as well - with a bit of luck, Twunt will lose interest.

Well done on the cake and oh, I just bet it's a massive relief to be able to want to eat and to look forward to your food again! Hurrah!

TiredFeet · 03/08/2013 14:04

hope you manage to get some much deserved sleep this afternoon Waves

as for twunt being at the birth, I am sorry that your subsequent horrible discoveries are making you (understandably) have regrets about this. but try not to beat yourself up about it, it felt like the right thing to do at the time and maybe in time it will be nice for Caspian to know that his dad was there at his birth too. I think you are handling the current pestering by twunt very well, you must look after yourself and Caspian as the priority.

MissStrawberry · 03/08/2013 15:07

I don't think Waves does regret having him there and it wouldn't be helpful to imply it as then she may feel she does. Forgive me for speaking about you Waves. You have been through so much, you don't need more crap added on.

AgathaF · 03/08/2013 15:40

He is so beautiful. You must be immensely proud of him and of yourself for building him .

Thumbwitch · 03/08/2013 15:47

MissStrawberry - in Waves' own words: "But I am so gutted that I opened up to him, and that I let him be there with me, at the most vulnerable and intimate of times."

MissStrawberry · 03/08/2013 15:53

I don't see that the same as regret, Thumbwitch, but obviously don't speak for Waves. I am just anxious to not have her feeling worse than she already does.

springytotty · 03/08/2013 15:55

oooh! oooh! I can see one of my squares!

Waves he is just gorgeous. Look at that button chin!

I do appreciate the shock and trauma of the betrayal, waves . I have been very badly betrayed and ime there's not a lot you can do about it but weather it until you begin to get over it. It is like a bereavement - so go easy on yourself, be kind to yourself. ime it knocked the stuffing out of me for a while - it may not be the same for you; but it also brought me the most peace I've ever experienced in my life. Something about being clubbed so hard I kind of let go.. I must have had quite an iron grip on life, or something..

So there's a silver lining in every incomprehensibly painful situation imo (not that we'd volunteer for it!!). NOt least, you have that completely gorgeous boy - what a joy. I hope he goes on being a true joy for you, waves , regardless what the next weeks/months bring along

captainmummy · 03/08/2013 15:55

Been away for a week - and what a week!

Congratualtions, waves, and caspian. Much love to you all.

pointythings · 03/08/2013 17:39

He's so adorable... And I'm very glad the mat is coming in handy .

WingDefence · 03/08/2013 21:22

Oh wow - look at that cute little round chin! Awww

Jux · 03/08/2013 21:28

He just gets cuteR, doesn't he?!

CounselorTroi · 03/08/2013 21:51

he really is the mot beautiful child isn't he.

Original poster

wavesandsmiles · 03/08/2013 21:55

He is so lovely my heart keeps melting. As are DS1 and DD who are being great. They are completely besotted with him I was a bit worried about DS1 for the first day or so - no longer being my only boy etc, but he is now so much happier, and just loves to sit and stroke Caspian's head. They have also been amazingly helpful round the house today.

In terms of twunt at the birth, no I don't think I exactly regret it - I would be having more "what if" moments, if he hadn't been there. I am just disappointed that the man I thought was there, was clearly not. He is a nastier person than I thought, and that disappoints me. But, I did what I thought was best for the baby, and for him, and partly for me. The hope has gone now, but I don't really regret it - I DID have a truly beautiful birth. He has seen me in a state that probably no one else ever will, and that is something that makes me feel more vulnerable now, knowing what I have subsequently learned about him, but I also think I was strong and calm during the birth so have nothing to be ashamed of.

My SIL and MIL came round today and took just DD for an outing (DS1 was shy). She had a brilliant time and I had a lovely break - a little snooze too (albeit about 15 minutes only) Then they stopped by for a drink and cuddles, and had a huge bag of presents for Caspian - he is going to be well turned out in the 3 - 6 months stage. They have offered more help which is lovely.

SIL had no idea about twunt's letter saying he loved me, and I think now realises why I am so hurt and have been so confused. He has not mentioned anything like that to them, so I guess he was genuinely just playing a game with me. Or something.

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that - I have an extremely hungry little boy who seems to be feeding every 20 minutes at the moment so I am off to sort him out, and maybe grab some sleep!

OP posts:

WingDefence · 03/08/2013 22:51

Hope you have a good night's sleep (me too!) :)

maras2 · 03/08/2013 22:58

Your baby is beautiful,Waves.Best wishes to you and your family.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter · 04/08/2013 05:06

Caspian is sooo scrumptious looking, bless his little heart

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 04/08/2013 08:12

Morning. Daily

Travelling today so won't be on until much later but wanted to let you know what a superstar mum you are. Not to mention a good egg in general.

Such admiration for you waves.

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