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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

988 replies

wavesandsmiles · 28/07/2013 12:21

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

OP posts:
AgathaF · 31/07/2013 13:46

The rugby ball hold is like this. It does work really well for lots of women. Your midwife should be able to help you get started with it if you've never tried it before.

Ezio · 31/07/2013 13:56

I wish i tried that move with DD, might have been more successful breastfeeding.

Baby steps Waves, fake it til you make it.

MissStrawberry · 31/07/2013 14:04

Hour by hour is a sensible way to proceed.

Allalonenow · 31/07/2013 14:31

Glad you are getting a bit of rest today, you must be exhausted, physically and emotionally, so rest and calm should be your priority ATM.

On a practical note, do any of the supermarkets where you are offer online shopping? If so, that would be one less job for you to fit in. It is quick and easy to do. Or perhaps a local grocer would deliver a weekly order of basics?

Thumbwitch · 31/07/2013 14:43

Lovely lady, remind me how old your other 2 DC are? I know it's NOT ideal, but iirc they are of an age where they can do some things for themselves, like make their own packed lunches, do washing up, help with the washing etc.
I am not advocating child slave labour here, but I DO believe that children should be encouraged strongly to participate in household chores.
DS1 doesn't agree with me of course! But I started him young, when he was still wanting to help and be like Mummy - so he empties the dishwasher, and he helps with the laundry in that he hands me pegs for hanging out the washing, and he'll fetch the laundry to the wash-room for me, plus he's very good at making sure his own stuff is in the wash-basket. He's 5.8 - if he can do it, then older DC surely can too.

In my own childhood, I was washing up by the time I was 7, and doing my own laundry by the time I was 12 but had been helping with it up until that time as well.

Look at it like this: it's good training for when they're older. My MIL failed signally to train DH properly in the general domestic chores of the house, and it's a real PITA. I make him wash up and he likes cooking, so we take it in turns to do both of those things; but I have to be completely incapacitated before he'll take a turn at any kind of cleaning and I won't let him near the laundry because he just shoves everything in together. (He does do his own ironing though)

So - do yourself AND your DC a favour and start getting them to help around the house - more, if they already do some stuff - washing up and packed lunches are a good start. :)

Have you got any Lansinoh yet?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/07/2013 15:27

If your DCs are, say, 6 and 8, they can do more than you're possibly used to letting them. Loading the washing machine with whites or coloured clothes is not beyond them. Sweeping a floor or collecting scattered papers is achievable. They'll not object to assembling a lunchbox for themselves the night before.

What a brilliant suggestion having a doula was, so glad she has been such a help, MaytreeArch came up with that idea.

PyroclasticFlo · 31/07/2013 15:41

Oh Waves, I don't have anything terribly useful to add but just wanted to give you a virtual hug and second everything that's been said ^^ upthread about the support you have on here. I know it's not the same as having someone to help day to day, but you have so many people wishing you well and sending you love. Hopefully that helps a bit.

FWIW with breastfeeding, I had no trouble at all feeding DS1 and strangely found it very difficult at first with DS2. It took us nearly 3 weeks to get it 'right' (and get through the pain) and one side was definitely easier than the other, but persevere and you and little Caspian will get there, I'm sure.

Please, my lovely, treat yourself as kindly as you possibly can, and go as slowly as you need to. Ask for help and receive it easily. You deserve it. You really, really do.

Flowers and Brew and ((((big big hugs))))

Ezio · 31/07/2013 15:48

It says on her profile, they are 7 and 9.

I would definately encourage them to do more.

themidwife · 31/07/2013 17:25

You're bound to be overwhelmed Waves! I was in a very similar situation 9 years ago with 2 DCs aged 10 & 11 & a new baby alone from 6 weeks. Once I was over the birth & feeding was established it really was the happiest time of my life. We were in a little love bubble the 4 of us. The older DCs cuddled the baby when I was busy or got stuff for me, were quite capable of making themselves a sandwich or a drink & it was such a lovely peaceful calm house without ex around. It seemed overwhelming but actually it was lovely. Smile

pointythings · 31/07/2013 18:22

I second getting your DCs to do more - you'll be doing them a favour in the long term if you start them on the road to independence now.

And the rugby hold is great - I did it with DD1 who had a suck like a Dyson and didn't like my left side. Not only did it fool her completely, it also evened out the pressure. You can do rugby during the day and cradle at night, it gives your boobs a chance to mend so that you're feeding comfortably all the sooner.

With engorgement it helps to stroke the breast downwards towards the nipple while you are feeding, helped me when I was having blocked ducts too.

TiredFeet · 31/07/2013 18:51

oh waves I have missed a lot. I think taking it hour by hour, day by day is the best way to approach it. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed and remember your body is still recovering from the HG and will be for some time, so everything is going to feel harder than it normally does, and everything also feels harder when you're short on sleep.

your children all sound wonderful. I love your dd's comment about the balloons!

thinking of you xx

wavesandsmiles · 31/07/2013 19:50

My DCs do already do quite a lot - they do the washing up, drying etc, keep their rooms sorted and put washing away, feed the animals, get me drinks, run their own bath etc. The main issue is their lack of understanding of the words "now please". And then the moans about "why are you making us do work for you".

Also, lodger 2 (as opposed to lodger one or new lodger) is pretty fussy about cleanliness. I find myself cleaning up after the DCs cleaning up iykwim. I know I should tell him to suck it up, it is becoming a bit of a drain. I shall attempt the rugby hold shortly - will be waking the baby in a few minutes for a feed in the hope that getting in before the little frustrated rootings makes it easier. His arms and hands keep getting in the way Smile

I know he is off topic, but t.w.u.n.t. texted this pm saying "i know you are probably still mad at me but hope you are feeling ok" offered "help" and wants to "avoid acrimony so he can get to know his son". I've ignored and will continue to do so. He really has no idea at all.

Day 5 tomorrow....hopefully the engorgement will settle down. Might take a couple of paracetamol and try a warm flannel if it still hurts after this feed.

Caspian is as gorgeous as ever - will put a few more photos on my profile shortly because I think he is adorable Smile

OP posts:
thistlelicker · 31/07/2013 19:52

You will have the midwife coming tomorrow! See what tips she has for the engorgement! You are
Doing really well:-)

themidwife · 31/07/2013 19:57

Have you got a Savoy cabbage? Put it in the fridge & put a cold leaf on each breast. Remove when soggy & replace. The salicylic acid reduced enforcement & heat like a dream. Send new lodger down the shop ASAP if not!
Ignore he who shall be ignored!!

themidwife · 31/07/2013 19:58

Stupid phone!! Reduces engorgement!!!!

AgathaF · 31/07/2013 20:15

It might help to express a bit of milk off before you put him on, just to make it softer so he get a better latch.

themidwife · 31/07/2013 20:20

Yes & put hot flannels on the breast to encourage the milk to let down.

MissStrawberry · 31/07/2013 20:26

I know the children are only young but they need putting straight about doing work for you. It is work for the family.

DH "joked" that he had brought the washing in for me last week. If looks could kill.....

MissStrawberry · 31/07/2013 20:26

Well done with regards to the nonentity.

BerylStreep · 31/07/2013 20:41

In what way is lodger 2 fussy? Does he say anything about the place not being tidy?

I think ge needs to be a bit realistic that he is living in a family home.

AndMiffyWentToSleep · 31/07/2013 21:01

Hi Waves, I may be wrong but I think the www.kellymom.com website (good breastfeeding advice) suggests ibuprofen may help with engorgement, by helping to ease inflamation.

springytotty · 31/07/2013 21:02

My kids got into that thing of thinking they were 'doing things for me' - but it wasn't 'for me' and it's not 'for you': it's for the family. Perhaps you're phrasing it as 'could you do this for me, please?'? Perhaps have a look at how you're presenting it to them. I realised I was being kind and nice... but that bit me on the bum tbf. Forget kind and nice: statements may be the way to go - not nice, not nasty. Surprisingly effective!

As for your workload. Waves. Darling. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to stop the whirling dervish thing and actually have a go at learning to stop. Ach, have a said that right? If you let yourself get submerged in this new baby period, just let go and go with it, it's not as hard as it appears. You've done it twice already - admittedly with help; but maybe you were still keeping a full life moreorless going so you needed help to keep taht show on the road? things are different now, you can't eg take your lodger out for a daly-long trip just days after an arduous labour and delivery !! I hope you're getting the gist... Wink

Lodgers: too bad if they 'like cleanliness'. Just TOO BAD. They've chosen to take a room in a house where the landlady has just had a baby. Too bad, chaps: like it or lump it. ... however, I do relate to this: I've in the past been ashamed of mess and of being judged. Now I couldn't give a flying fuck - if they don't like it, too bad. It took a while to get there, though, and you're quite new at this lark (lodgers). I've also learned to do the absolute barest barest minimum to just about get by. No-one's going to die if the furniture isn't moved to hoover underneath eg. I'm an absolute master at doing practically nothing nowadays Wink

Long post, sorry. midwife got in first with the cabbage leaf - miraculous remedy, give it a go.

Thinking of you, dear. You will get through this, hour at a time xxx

themidwife · 31/07/2013 21:07

Yes ibuprofen also helps to reduce inflammation

Allalonenow · 31/07/2013 21:13

YY to what springy says!

Sending you hugs, you must learn to let go, don't pick up the lodger's monkey.

wavesandsmiles · 31/07/2013 21:22

Right: ibuprofen it is then! With respect to the DCs, I always phrase it in terms of teamwork, and family, and responsibilities. I have had a battle as TB used to go on saying "mummy musn't make you do jobs" and would tell me "they are only children" etc. Now that influence is reduced things ARE getting easier, but they had a lot of drip feeding from her suggesting that they shouldn't even have to tidy their rooms without assistance!

Lodger 2 is fussy, and has occasionally said "Waves, can I have a word, I'm not happy about xyz". And I have gone and acquiesced to his request. Now I just try to tolerate his huffing and puffing which I am more sensitive to now I am tired and just had a baby! He just mutters to himself, and makes obvious sounds of disapproval which I find not so nice.

Anyway, C is grumbling, so I think it is ibuprofen then feeding time. Think I will attempt a nap after this feed - aching with tiredness despite my "duvet day".

OP posts: