Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

[wavesandsmiles]

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

I think time to move elsewhere Waves? The sick bastard is not welcome here.

Dear Mr Twunt

Waves has been far too nice and tolerant of you already. She has given both sides, on many occasions. We, the cunt snakes, are more than capable of making up our own minds, thanks.

The sisterhood is sadly lacking at times but fair play, you have brought out the best in us. Your despicable behaviour has also brought out the best in waves.

So go crawl back under your rock.

Waves, enjoy the babymoon, your lodger sounds fab, hope you sleep

Yes, please stop reading his emails. I did this for another MNetter once, whose ex was sending her foul abusive emails, but she set a filter so that all of her ex's emails went to me, and I read them and excerpted anything she actually needed to know (they had a child and shared custody) and sent that to her. Basically cutting out the five paragraphs of why she was a cunt snake (!) and just forwarding the bit about the child needing new shoes, or whatever.

Happy to filter yours, if it helps!

I agree with Xales. I think when someone behaves so utterly appallingly, so vile and cruel to someone who is vulnerable, and in need of support, there must be a special kind of hell they would have to face if they ever looked inward to figure out why or how they were capable of such despicable behaviour. And that is what twunt will need to face up to sooner or later. I just hope for waves sake, the penny will drop soon in that awful git's mind. Either way, waves, I hope you just cut him off as much as is possible to maintain some semblance of serenity and peace with C and his siblings.

Sorry, I must be missing something - what EXACTLY are we supposed to feel sorry for him for? He had a cushy number going, he was a total wankfacedbastard who wanted to KILL his unborn child, and who subjected the mother of said unborn child to mental and emotional torture, despite her being hideously unwell carrying his unborn child.

I'm completely failing to see where he deserves any kind of sympathy? Maybe for not being a complete human, as in he lacks any kind of empathy and human feelings himself, but aside of that he can shove it up his sociopathic narcissistic arse.

Waves, I have lurked and lurked and am overjoyed at the safe arrival of little C, overwhelmed at your grace and love and charity, and and send you now all the support you have unknowingly had all these months.

My comment with regard to the text you shared, is this.

Relationships can be full of the joys of spring. The loved one can have many wonderful qualities and share them with joy. Even so, if once something happens which is unacceptable, then that can be it. The relationship can be unacceptable, and one person can decide that. It is not reliant on a balance of good and bad, or an argument of worth, or any issue of fairness. If the line has been passed then it is not appropriate for the transgressor to negate their action and expect to retrieve in any true sense what they might have had in the relationship before. Dignity is the best they can hope for but even that is theirs to discard.

My dear Waves, you have dignity. Others make their own choices.

homebird thank you so very much for your message. It has given me a sense of peace.

I have decided that I don't want any more anger or cursing or anything like that. Just to explain , it was a text I re read, the one from the night I confronted him about the fb messages. I read it again because new lodger and I were chatting and she asked what his reaction was to my text. And so I read it properly. Fwiw, I do feel very very sad for him. He says when he saw the little lovely come out of me he felt disconnected, no bond. For a man who has defined himself to a great extent over the last decade by his relationship with his boys, that must be very very hard.

BUT I am now going to do my best to focus on positive emotions and the love in my new little family. I have had the most lovely texts from twunt's ex, saying how much she appreciates my including her sons so early, and for my selflessness in giving that early time so they could see their baby brother. I think that any contact with them will be facilitated between her and I as my having contact with twunt for now would be impossibly difficult. I have told her that in a few weeks or so she can come round one evening and we can have a chat and get to know one another a bit better. But again, not thinking about that for now.

My newest DS fed almost solidly between 9 and 1.30 then slept til nearly 6. I am looking forward to a quiet day now, just him and I with snatched snoozes where possible. I need to improve the latch on my left side as that is still awkward, but I am sure the two of us will figure it out.

I had tears today because there is no one to give me a proper hug.... Felt a bit "no one cares about meeeeee" that was triggered by conversation with TB. She had me thinking she was undergoing 3 solid days of tests at hospital on the mainland. I spoke to her yesterday evening having sent a concerned text asking for updates at lunchtime to which I'd had no reply. Apparently she had an hour and a half test then my sister met her and they have gone off to her place in London for 2 days. TB kept saying how awful it was and how exhausted she was and ones sympathetic but actually thinking, hang on, I've just endured the longest period of poor health due to HG and a 3 day latent phase back to back labour before a full day of natural
Pain relief free established labour. Anyway, I felt a bit hmmmm and have to let that go now too.

Anyway, I am off to slowly get a bit dressed. Quite achey still, which i suppose is normal, and then most probably try feeding C on the ouchy side before he gets over hungry.

Thank you all so much for still supporting me, it means the world

Oh do fuck off twunt ?its not all about you, infact we couldn't give a flying fuck about your feelings and about how 'horrible ' waves is to you. You gave up those rights way back at 14 weeks when you started researching late abortions, when you asked mummy to pay for a flat for you, when you then moved back whilst waves was in hospital and got your sons to be obnoxious horrible loud brats while she was so ill that she couldn't keep a meal down. You've miminised her illness during pregnancy to a it of sickness, she was fucking hospitalised on daily injections. You then make threats about contact and maintenance before your child is born. And even now when Waves allowed you to be at your son's birth, when you actually saw and heard a woman have a back to back birth as naturally as possible ?you go on her laptop and leave Facebook open where you've slagged her and her kids off. Told people you only married her for her money and her house, and the fact that her DCs dad wasn't around (probably so you could bully them )was seen as good. And to top all that you we're going out looking for Fanny ...after inflicting your whole family on waves hours after giving birth..REALITY CHECK ?IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

And you have the cheek to call us names ?

Yes you need to stop re-reading his emails or texts love, they will just hurt you. Re his ex, just be careful, didn't she join in the hate campaign at one time & backed him up saying he'd never been abusive to her so it must be your fault?! Hope you have a good day

Check out these tips on getting latch right
Also going skin to skin can help.

What MinnieBar said.

DIDDUMS!!!

What a prat twat is.

Tortoise - what a lovely thing you did for that mumsnetter .

Waves have you tried holding him rugby ball style on the painful side? It often helps improve the latch, especially with slightly engorged breasts. He needs to be held fairly high up under your arm (try resting him on two or three pillows) and quite well back so that his chin tucks nicely into your breast.

I fed DS rugby ball style for a while - I think it did improve latch - but it also got the heavy lump of my csx scar!

Bury the box and plant an apple tree on top - could just be a little seed. One day it will be a lovely tree to sit under in the summer and the box will be totally forgotten and irretrievable.

Have a lovely lounge with Caspian today!

We're not with you to give you rl hugs but here's a (( )) and here's to positive thinking.

If certain sad people in your orbit keep playing on your good nature, they obviously draw strength from your goodness which they secretly covet, though of course they'd never in a million years admit it.

Really hope you can blot them out this week, just revel in Caspian.

Your new lodger sounds so nice!

Hope you have a good day with DS2.

I know you feel that nobody in your rl circle cares but so many women on here care about you waves. Keep focusing on that :)

Also hit flannels and a little Han expression should help with engorgement x

Would also recommend biological nurturing position for touchy side, as well as rugby ball hold. Good luck with the feeding, hope it gets less touchy soon.

With respect to twunt, well really it's none of his business whether you are "fair and balanced" on this thread, as it's YOUR support thread. You are entitled to say things from your point of view. if he doesn't like it, then really, he shouldn't be reading it. Shouldn't be reading it anyway! It's none of his business!

Enjoy your day with C, hope you have good feeds and good rest.

Hope you are really having a lovely quiet day with Caspian, cuddles and music will be good for both of you. Take care.

This thread is not about getting 'fairness' for an abusive man, it is about SUPPORT for the person he was supposed to love and has let down. Only such an inadequate man as him could try and make even this thread about him.

And we can certainly feel sorry for him that he is so woefully inadequate that he is addicted to reading this stuff because from time to time it mentions him. That he has allowed a bunch of people he doesn't know get to him to that extent, pathetic. And for the fact that the people who read his unpleasant rubbish on FB will certainly be losing respect for him the more of it they read.

If this thread didn't mention him at all, but just was about Waves and the dcs, he wouldn't bother reading it. Because if it's not about him, then he isn't interested.

Have a good day Waves and live your life well

You know what? I'm not commenting on twunt today. He obviously revels in the attention.

Waves I can't offer much help re breast feeding, but can suggest hot flannels, Savoy cabbage leaves for soreness.

Enjoy today with Caspian. He's perfect in every way. I'm sending virtual hugs for you. As usual and a basket of snacks.

Curious: do they still suggest Guinness or similar for nursing mums?

I couldn't work out how to send balloons but have put a little parcel in the post for Caspian today.

Hope you are getting the feeding established and comfortable for you both.

We don't recommend officially but I think half a Guinness & big chocolate eclair every day are essential for new mums!

I've had a little doze today, and my doula came round too with bags of food so I have no shopping worries for a few days. Feeding ok but still not convinced on the latch. Being totally unsporty I have no idea how to hold a rugby ball!

I'd rather no mention was made of twunt now. He made his choices and that's that now. Perhaps foolishly I hung on to my dreams and hopes, fed by his actions in part, but now I accept it really is over.

I won't lie, I feel overwhelmed at the prospect of doing every nappy change, every bath, every load of washing, all the dishes, and of course all the feeding. I know I'm breastfeeding anyway, but exh even learned how to latch Dd an DS 1 on whilst I was sleeping so some of the night feeds I slept through. And I'm also entirely responsible for the shopping, my DCs, there will be no help with packed lunches or homework, or outings, or help shifting instruments for my gigs. And darling little caspian was planned on the basis of all this being shared between us. So I guess I have every right to feel overwhelmed.

I need to face the reality of this, and move on. It's just I am so so tired and he's only been in the world for 4 days.

Have shelved ideas of taking a break. I can't actually afford it, and in any case it would be hard work travelling.

I think that taking things hour by hour is the way forwards just now.