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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So angry and upset with husband - he risked baby's life

173 replies

chuckster · 09/06/2006 19:37

Whenever it comes to reading instuctions for things & working out how things work, it's always dh who does it becaused i am famously hopeless at such things. I had always doubted that the way he'd told me to install the baby car seat was right and he assured me it was ok. Today i read the instructions myself and i could see that he must have misinterpreted them. Discussed it with him this evening and he had another look at the instructions and it turned out that my doubts were justified - for 6 weeks our baby has been travelling in a carseat which wasn't tightened properly. I feel sick at the thought of what could have happened and so angry with dh that i don't know what to do. he keeps saying sorry but i keep thinking of what could have happened because of his mistake and constant dismissal of my worries. where do i go from here - can see this spoiling things for a long time

OP posts:
monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:11

Come on - hands up!

SoupDragon · 09/06/2006 21:11

Oh come on, she's not a troll. She's just a new mum with a Precious First Born and is over reacting.

Chandra · 09/06/2006 21:13

TBH Chuckster, probably you should also take some responsability for this... have you been in a car before? an airplane? an attractions fair? the message is clear, they always say "tighten your seat belt", so... to see the to see the straps were loose and take 6m to see if that was correct??? please. Give him a break, I think you are to be blamed as much as he is. So, instead of wasting your time sulking about this be thankful that nothing happened.

joelalie · 09/06/2006 21:13

hands up what??? I find these messages really confusing - they move too fast. [hurriedly putting down glass of wine] Blush

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:13

I haven't read the whole thread Wannabe, so I couldn't say. "probably deserve that comment! help me out of this anger someone! " has a ring of true post baby madness for me though.

kate100 · 09/06/2006 21:13

We've all made mistakes with our babies, we're human, I know that I have. Shortly after passng my driving test I drove off without trapping ds in. There were usually 2 of us to check and I didn't, it was my fault and I had to take responsibility, thank God he was safe and move on. This won't be the only time that you or your dh make mistakes with your baby, no one is perfect and your baby has 2 parents, if you feel things aren't right do someting about it yourself.

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:14

Hands up who was a bit bonkers after birth? me me!

Original poster
chuckster · 09/06/2006 21:14

yes i am probably am over reacting - just went downstairs, he seems to be ignoring me now. ok so i deserve it

OP posts:
joelalie · 09/06/2006 21:15

", if you feel things aren't right do someting about it yourself. "

...apart from sulking that is...Grin

kate100 · 09/06/2006 21:15

OK MonkeyTrousers I was a bit bonkers too Grin

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 21:15

yes it does mt but then she goes on to say how her dh has ruined everything, ruined the weekend because he's sulking in the other room - i thought she was the one who was annoyed?

southeastastra · 09/06/2006 21:16

everything makes you paranoid with a little baby, you see every hazard and imagine all sorts, its natural.

I ended up doing alot of things myself i was so paranoid, it gets easier as you get used to it

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 21:17

well chuckster (if you are for real and not a troll) what is it you want from him. he's said he's sorry, if you can't accept that then it's you that can't move on and not him. I'm sure that if he could he would turn back the hands of time and put it right, but he can't, and really, nothing happened.

Original poster
chuckster · 09/06/2006 21:17

looks like that's it for the weekend as he's now ignoring me

OP posts:
joelalie · 09/06/2006 21:18

I didn't get a chance to be bonkers after no#1 was born - DH's dad had just died and DH was bonkers enough for both of us.

Probably made up for it since...

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:18

I believe you chuckster. Try to forget all those romantic thoughts about doing things perfectly - we ALL do that and we're ALL massive disappointed when things fall seem to fall apart - as they do regularly at this time. My only advice is to be kind to your DH, don't get too wrapped up in your own thoughts and shut him out. It's hard for dads too you know - but he's your only true ally.

kate100 · 09/06/2006 21:19

Chucksterwhen I read the title I assumed he had done something with intent, I was quite releived to find it was uninentional and that your baby was OK, maybe you should feel that way too.

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 21:20

well it's only friday night, as the weekend's only just started you still have till sunday to make it up with him. if you accepted his apology and put it behind you you could still enjoy the weekend. If you can't then tbh I don't hold out much hope for your future as a couple if you hold things against him for so long.

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:20

Sorry to hear that joelalie, that couldn't have been easy at all.

Chuckster, go and start the habit of a new lifetime and go give your DH a cuddle and APOLOGISE for being a bit mad. Smile Really. But tell it's notmal and it'll pass.

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 21:21

I think actually it's worse for dads as mums get a lot of sympathy and understanding and the dad seems to be sidelined. People seem to forget that the dad is involved as well and has had his life turned upside down too.

southeastastra · 09/06/2006 21:22

i remember going through the roughest patch with my dp when we first had a baby! argh

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2006 21:22

It is soo hard isn't it - and so easy to turn on each other.

southeastastra · 09/06/2006 21:23

you're both in it together so turn on each other for the slightest of things.

southeastastra · 09/06/2006 21:23

turn, turn

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 21:24

and the whole dinamic of your family changes. where once you were the most important person to each other, suddenly there's this little person who has taken each other's place in your lives, and who depends on you for everything.

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