Happily married but considering abortion

[confused75]

I found out i was pregnant last week. I think I am probably about the five week mark.

I was initially in shock but as the week has gone on, I feel increasing negative about the pregnancy.

I am in my late thirties and have never been especially maternal and my hubby is around the same age. We both work a lot, we aren't rich but we do enjoy traveling and our current freedom.

I am really surprised at how negative my reaction has been. If I had known how strong my reaction was I would have taken more precautions.

I also feel incredibly selfish that I would be considering abortion when I really have a wonderful husband who will support me through anything. We both agree that if we went through with the abortion it would also be an agreement to remain child free. This thought doesn't scare me too much but maybe it is my nerves and fears taking over,

I feel like a freak of nature! Has anyone else had any similar experiences or advice?

[shameshame]

confused75

Sorry this thread has been hijacked by some pro-lifers and one particular nonsensical wierdo.

I have had a termination in similar circumstances and I am now at peace with that decision. I won't lie, in the period after I felt remorse, guilt, regret and felt my reasons for termination were selfish - 'not ready', 'not maternal', 'no cash' and overall it was VERY HARD. Looking back it was the right thing to do for me. It won't be easy but take your time making your decision. The hardest part for me was the decision making process as you have a small window of time and shit loads of new hormones coursing through your veins making it so you can't see the wood for the trees at times. PM me any time if you want a chat.

[rob99]

Nonsensical wierdo......because I'm generally against abortion but I'd consider it fair if a lady was raped. I give my opinion and because it flies in the face of popular opinion on here, I'm lambasted by several posters. Then I defend myself from these attacks and I'm accused of hijacking the thread......you're a bit of a hate-fuelled mob of feminists.

You say "pro-life" as though it's a dirty word......It's the best gift that God gave the human race. You must be tripping....seriously.

[pommedechocolat]

confused

One thing that did help me was a mumsnetter who had an abortion because she wanted all her children to be wanted. That helped me to separate terminating my third pg from maybe wanting a third dc at some point. May be useful for you to mull on.

Wishing you all the best. It really is a difficult time. Be nice to yourself.

[rob99]

MrsDevere, haven't you got any Doc Martin's you need to be polishing ?

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

confused - we will all still be here if you need to talk anymore or ask any specific questions. I hope you and DH can come to an agreement that feels right for you - and no matter what you decide - you always need to remember how much time & effort you put into making what was the right decision at the time, it's the only thing you can ever do x

[rob99]

Well it clearly isn't less worthy of life is it. A woman who chooses to keep a child after rape is a very special person IMO.

Mary....name calling....really!

[rob99]

Not at all. A life growing in the womb should be given every chance. I'm not a woman but if a woman wants an abortion because it's rather inconvenient, I don't believe that's right. If a woman is pregnant as a result of being raped, I believe that it's reasonable for her to want an abortion but I'd hope she wouldn't. I don't feel at all confused about that.

[PfftTheMagicDraco]

So women can have abortions as long as they fit in with your particular moral code, rob? Would you like them all to ask you first? Or maybe we can just ask Cameron to give you a call and you can help him draft the exceptions.

[rob99]

MrsDevere....I can have it any way I want and I can believe whatever I want.....I don't tell you what to believe do I...Although I think I can guess...you've called me a dick and a misogynist already...charming.

Mary, If your opinion is kill the baby if it interferes with next years trip to Kenya, mine is don't kill the baby.

If a woman is raped, I can understand her wanting an abortion.....I'm not making the rules. Is there something you don't understand about that. I think it's quite simple. Are you broken ?

[scottishmummy]

Start to make plans to come to mainland and proceed with termination if that what you want
Will you book AL off or sick note to cover work?i suppose you need to be discreet too
Make sure you have adequate support and whatever you decide that you both support each other

[5madthings]

But do you not see how contradictory your position is? Either you believe all life is sacred or its not, you don't get to have a halfway house with abortion.

Plus how would it work practically,given the appalling record of convictions for rape and a legal process that takes month. Do you let a woman terminate on her word that she was raped or does she need 'proof'. As I said earlier I would respect your viewpoint more if it was actually consistent.

[AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom]

5Mad - There is really no point trying to debate with Rob. He's not going to listen to anyone or consider anything.

[rob99]

Mary called me childish....wow

5madthings. I don't know exactly what your beef is. My opinion on abortion is that I strongly disagree with a woman who gets pregnant and after the fact, decides to terminate because it doesn't fit in with her plans and/or lifestyle. If a woman is raped and she wants a termination, I can understand that. I've not said I want to make abortion illegal. I believe life is precious, including an unborn baby.

If a ship was sinking and I could save half the kids but not all of them, what should I do? Leave them all because there is no halfway house.

If my opinion is a halfway house, so what! I'm appealing not to the laws of the land but to potential parents who want to terminate. If a raped woman terminates, I'd find that more acceptable than a woman who finds herself pregnant and it's just inconvenient. The life is no less precious but what can I do about it ?