Happily married but considering abortion

[confused75]

I found out i was pregnant last week. I think I am probably about the five week mark.

I was initially in shock but as the week has gone on, I feel increasing negative about the pregnancy.

I am in my late thirties and have never been especially maternal and my hubby is around the same age. We both work a lot, we aren't rich but we do enjoy traveling and our current freedom.

I am really surprised at how negative my reaction has been. If I had known how strong my reaction was I would have taken more precautions.

I also feel incredibly selfish that I would be considering abortion when I really have a wonderful husband who will support me through anything. We both agree that if we went through with the abortion it would also be an agreement to remain child free. This thought doesn't scare me too much but maybe it is my nerves and fears taking over,

I feel like a freak of nature! Has anyone else had any similar experiences or advice?

[arequipa]

Although I have a child many of my friends do not and have never wanted to - none of them are freaks of nature! There is a lot to lose about your life style and most of all, loss in the relationship with your partner as it completely changes the dynamic when a child is around. And that goes on for years.It is a hard choice, once born many parents love their children like no other love they have felt. But it is only theoretical at present, a few cells in the lining of your womb.

[Alconleigh]

Ssshh now, grown ups are talking. Back to your World of Warcraft and wank mags.
Not you, Arequipa, in case there was any doubt there.

[rob99]

Grown ups wouldn't kill a potential life because it might interfere with next years trip to Peru.

For ladies, there is an awful lot of choice language on here.

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

Rob - if you had bothered to read the thread properly you would have read that the OP was open to the idea of having children and the way she feels now has come as a complete surprise to her. Thankfully, our society permits women to change their mind and access terminations because it accepts that first & foremost it is our body.

What about her DH? Why is all your anger aimed at the woman? He was there too - it took both of them to make this baby and he is no more sure about what he wants than she is.

[OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet]

@rob99

It's a great Forum that deletes a post of mine that's attempting to save the life of a child that's been conceived through no fault of it's own and doesn't have any say in it's chance of life and yet a post that tells me to go and fuck myself is acceptable.

We've deleted that post as we don't allow personal attacks. - we're a post-moderated forum and hadn't seen it.

We can understand that abortion is a topic which raises emotional responses but would ask you Rob, to please have a look at our talk guidelines
Thanks
MNHQ

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

What brings you to MN Rob?

[pinkyredrose]

rob99 how many children do you have? Do you use contraception or do you abstain from sex altogether?

[Kernowgal]

Well why continue to read if it offends you so much, Rob99? Methinks the 'gentleman' doth protest too much and rather enjoys his righteous indignation.

[rob99]

I'm not angry. I'm eating a Danish and watching "you've got mail".

It's Ok if someone tells me to go and f* myself too, but I couldn't see the logic in deleting my post.

The lady has the last word with a termination and contraception and I'm not aiming anything at her. There is a life growing inside her and it's wrong on any level to kill that life....in my opinion, albeit not a very popular opinion. For me, denying that poor child the opportunity of life is far far worse than any inconvenience to it's mum and dad's life/finances/holidays or whatever.

I'm a bit confused when I've read the post saying "it's only a bunch of cells, it wont feel any pain...." I'd expect a dumb ass bloke to say something like that, not a woman. Why would you say something like that ?

[rob99]

Hello. I have two grown up daughters. Had a vasectomy 17 years ago. My wife wants another child and I want whatever she wants so I had a vasectomy reversal 8 months ago so at the minute I'm not using contraception and I'm not abstaining.

Kernowgal. Just because my opinion differs from the majority doesn't mean it's not valid does it?

[pinkyredrose]

rob99 you're trying for a child that you don't actively want?

[dufflefluffle]

I don't believe in doing anything that goes against your gut instinct or that makes you unhappy - and this has led to some terrible decisions on my part (I would guess my gut instict isn't al that great!) but I still go by it. Only you can know and I think you're in a terrible predicament so wish you strength in dealing with it. I wish you that whatever conclusion you do come to that you remember always that it was the right decision for this moment in time.

[rob99]

I do want another child, because I know how happy it would make my wife and I know I would love the child although I'm scared to death cos I'm not the young kid with all the energy and vigour I had in my early twenties first time round.

I'm not on a wind up, far from it. I'm a bit of a tit most of the time and my wife would testify to that but not even I would enter a debate about the life of a baby as a wind-up.

MN ? maybe we can glean something about conceiving, IVF or whatever.

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

Ah, so you're seeking the advice and guidance of 'self-centred murderers?' Interesting. So glad we have some redeeming qualities.

[Figgygal]

Er rob if you are confused that its only a group of cells at 5 weeks maybe you need to educate yourself on the gestational process as at 5 weeks it is indeed just a group of cells it is by no means at this stage a baby or a baby's life we are talking about here.

[RaRaZ]

Quite, Snazzy. I'm thrilled to hear that making the worst decision of my life - but for what seemed like the best reasons at the time - makes me a self-centred murderer. Cheers for that Rob . I could understand your point if the OP - or any of us - were advocating having the baby and then leaving it to die of exposure or something, but given the OP is considering early termination, I think your posts are vile, and I hope the don't affect the OP's decision.

[AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom]

I think we need a version of Godwin's law for any person who uses the term 'keep your legs shut' on a debate about abortion.

Anyway, this wasn't a debate about abortion. It was one woman trying to make a difficult choice. I think maybe we all need to leave our little friend alone. He's made his point that he's anti abortion. Well well done him. It has naff all to do with the very personal decision one woman is having to make and I think it's unfair to allow him to derail her thread with his grossly emotive 'argument'.

[rob99]

RaRaz..... Rightly or wrongly, I look at the situation from the innocent child in the womb. I'm sorry about that remark by the way, I got a bit carried away and in hindsight I shouldn't have said it and I'm sorry for offence caused.

[Madamecastafiore]

I probably sound stupid when I say that nothing you will ever do, no job, no holiday, no experience will top that of giving birth and holding your baby for the first time. When they first smile or say mummy or daddy or you get their first report card, nothing on earth will top those experiences. It's hard, every day is a slog sometimes and the pain of seeing your heart walking around outside of your body can be agonising when they are hurt or in pain but every bit is memorable and worth it.

[OliviaIsOffTheGinMumsnet]

Rob, we are absolutely not about censoring debate at MN but would ask that if thats something you'd like to discuss, perhaps you can start your own thread?
Thanks

[5madthings]

Its not a child.

And its all too easy for a man to say not to have an abortion when its not them that has to be pregnant or give birth with the risks that entails.

And as for 'keep your legs shut'... How about men kerping their dick in their pants permanently if they dont want women having abortions.

Ultimately not your body, not your choice.


Do you think 'the innocent child' that is a product of rape shouldnt be aborted as well rob ...

[rob99]

My opinion is I don't think the OP should abort her baby. The scenario of rape isn't relevant here but as it happens, in that situation, as innocent as that unborn child is, I would fully support the woman's decision to abort the unborn child, or not.

I do understand it's not my body and not my choice.