Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My marraige is over...

1065 replies

Lemmingswife · 08/06/2006 22:56

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 16:07

I guess that may have been his intention! It certainly didn't work though!
Good idea to start the support thread. I cannot help you with regards links though, as I am pretty useless with all things technical!

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/07/2006 16:11

Domestic violence support club

One link for you ladies!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 16:14

Well done, tribpot!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 18:19

He is not going on Saturday now, as he has announced that his friends wifes mother is staying at their house while they are away.
Cannot bear much more of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 18:22

Don't know what to do. I cannot physically throw him out of his own house.
I am beginning to lose the plot here.

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/07/2006 18:26

You need to get back on to your solicitor, LW. This is going to go on for MONTHS, until the house is sold I would predict. Your parents adore him, why can't he go there?! Have you ever had confirmation directly from the friend that he is meant to be moving in? What about phoning the friend's wife and saying "it's no problem for H to move sooner if it's not convenient for your mum to housesit whilst you're away"?

Many sympathies, it must be ghastly. Could you take some time off work and go away with the boys, or is that too likely to result in coming back to find the locks changed and you out on the streets?

Blu · 02/07/2006 18:39

Oh bloody hell LW - what a disaster. I bet he knew this was going to happen - I mean his friend would have mentioned it earlier, wouldn't he?

Well, don't let him think this friend is is only possible place to stay. If he didn't have this friend, he would have to find somewhere else, wouldn't he? He's spinning this out deliberately. You may have to start making life a bit unbearable for him somehow.

Tell him to go to his mother's and buy a set-top box!

I don't know. Maybe tell him you are going back to the solicitors to start the divorce process, so it would be much clearer if he was out of the house?

Really sorry about this. Lying git - how many times did he tell you that if you wanted to end it he would just walk away? This is bullying by stealth. Not allowing you to make a decision or call any shots. You must be seething.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 18:50

I am seething!
He has been with at the pub with this friend all afternoon & came back just before 6pm. He then said "I have some bad news for you"
I just knew what was going to follow. He went on to say "I will not be moving out next w/e, as friends wifes mother is staying in friends house, as she has a bad relationship with her husband."
I was SO cross & fed up that I could barely answer him.
I am seething & very fed up. Can't live like this for a whole two more weeks.
Am seeing solicitor at 3.30pm on Thursday.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 18:52

OK I think you shouldnt say a thing LW but get the letter sent from your solicitor and make sure you are out when it arrives. It should be fairly neutral but telling him this stiuation can no longer go on and that he must make alternative living arrangements and give him a deadline to move out by. This is about boundaries and he needs some setting. he is so used to you doing as he wants that he must be told by someone else that enough is enough. You shoudl not have to beg or plead jsut ask him to leave and set a date in a plesant but firm way through a solicitor.

It is really not your problem where he goes either he is a big boy now and will have to fend for himself.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 19:19

Can't take time off work when I choose, as I work in a school, tribpot, so have to wait for school holidays.
I will ask the solicitor about this letter, GF.
I am starting to feel I am going to have a real battle here. The last 3 weeks have been hell & I can't imagine another 2 weeks of living as we are.
He says he is going to drop the price of the house so that it sells very quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 19:26

Am just feeling so cross!

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/07/2006 19:30

Nothing changes, does it, LW? Since when is it his sole decision what price the house is marketed at? Surely it's more important that it fetches a good price, particularly since you both will need to provide accommodation suitable for your boys. Definitely another point to raise with your solicitor, I feel he's trying to short change you re: the house, and it will be v difficult to refuse to sell (emotionally, not legally) if a buyer comes along at well under the market price.

Sorry - had forgotten you work in a school so can't take time off.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 19:35

I know, tribpot. He is still controlling everything here.
He says he just wants this house to sell & can't be done with loads of viewers.
My sister wants me to go & see her next w/e, but he is being difficult about that too.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 19:54

God this makes me so cross!

Time for the legal help I think and when did you say you had an appointment? He cannot sell the hosue without your permission and whilst it may eb the best thing to do in the long run you ened some good advice as the split between you will need to be agreed by your solicitors. Do not do it with him as he will try adn get himself the best deal without really thinking about the kids!

I cannot say what is happening to me at the moment legally but you can still email me LW and I can explain a little of what is going on. It may be helpful I dont know!

Freckle · 02/07/2006 19:58

How is he being difficult about you seeing your sister? Are you proposing to take the boys with you?

You don't need his permission. Just make your arrangements and go.

It was always obvious that he was just stringing you along about moving out. He clearly has never had any intention of doing this. He is just going to make life so awful for you that you will agree to the sale of the house and he will take far more money out of it than he would be awarded in divorce proceedings. Don't let him railroad you.

Can you speak to the friend and find out when it will be convenient for him to move in? If his MIL has a difficult relationship with her husband, does this mean that she is there long-term? In which case presumably there will never be a room for him which is something which he has probably known all along.

Blu · 02/07/2006 20:03

Selling the house is a red herring, too. Sy you get an offer, in my bitter experience it takes 3 months to actually move - especially as you would need to buy simultaneously. You just cAN'T have him in the house through the summer hols - his behaviour last summer hols, arund the boys playing, is EXACTLY why you are laving him!

And, as Tribpot says, any decision about price is not his and his alone.

House sales have apparantly been in abeyance because peopel have been watching the football - maybe there will be a surge, now.

He has to rent somewhere. Why can't he get on wth that? Was he going to stay with the freind for months and months while the house sold?

I am sure you can get him turfed out - your HV will surely write a statement about the stress of last summer - and that business of the senco saying ds1 had to do messy play and H wouldn't let him even get one bit of gravel from the frive on the patio. Grrrrr. He has to be MADE to go if he won't do it under his own steam.

You don't deserve this hassle, lw, it isn't fair.

Blu · 02/07/2006 20:05

x-posted with freckle. I think she is right about the house sale / divorce settlement business (and everything else!).
On the list of q's for Thursday!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 20:14

He is being difficult about next w/e because I asked if he could have the boys overnight, as my sister lives in a different town to me.
He said that he will only agree to have them if I make sure I am home before 12pm lunchtime, as this is when he goes out with his friends to the pub & if I am not back by around 11.30am, I may find my boys are in a pub when I get back.
It is not worth the hassle.
I can phone friends wife. She phoned me last week to see how I was.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 20:16

Disgusting! Can you not take them with you?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 20:17

I will seek advice re house sale. This is the main reason for my visit on Thursday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 20:18

I could do, GF. I just wanted to know if I could have a night to myself with my sister.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 20:23

& yes, I think he was thinking of staying with his friend until house sells & this is why he wants it rushed.

OP posts:
tyedye · 02/07/2006 20:34

Message withdrawn

essbee · 02/07/2006 20:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 20:41

I know how much equity we have & he says I will have half, but will not have enough to buy a house, so will have to rent.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread