My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Hope you are ok, tyedye.

Hi. Just thought - if you could agree with H to have arranged some time for him with your kids as soon as possible after you break the news to them. e.g. tell them Saturday, arrange for them to go for a walk with him Sunday afternoon - just so they know he really is there for them.

This assuming that H is able to understand what a major change this going to be for your children, and that you both agree to try and minimise any worries & fears that they may have.

If he is a bit unreliable, might be worth getting any such agreements in writing, as you may one day have to defend your right to custody (worst case scenario - hopefully you will be able to come to a more amicable arrangement regarding your DSs care). Also, if your kids have passports, put them away somewhere safe (just in case). I really don't want to scaremonger, but better safe than sorry. You have said that your H is a good father, so hopefully he will want what is best for the children too.

Was talking about your situation with my mum earlier. She said it must be so hard for you because of your children, but thinks that no woman (or man for that matter) should put up with abuse. You're in our thoughts and we wish you well.

Oh, thank you, smellen.
Your Mum sounds lovely & understanding. I wish my Mum could be more like yours!
It would be a good idea if H could take them out & spend some time with them after I have broken the news to the boys.
He promises that they will see lots of him & I really hope he keeps to that promise, because both boys are very close to their Daddy.
Within 5 mins of them waking up this morning, I had DS2 saying "Where's Daddy?"
My heart is breaking for them already.

DS1 has just said "What time is Daddy coming home? Every night I am going to watch the Simpsons with him."

Has he watched the Simpsons with him before on a regular basis? If not, it may be something that your H has planted in his mind to make you the baddie when he goes, e.g. we can always do this together, son; oops, no we can't 'cos Mummy's making me leave.

Maybe I'm too cynical.

He does often have both boys lying on the sofa with him, watching cartoons, just before their bedtime.
He bought DS1 a Simpsond DVD last week, because he is quite into the Simpsons atm. I think this is what DS1 wants to watch with him.
It seems they are asking where Daddy is all the time atm, but I may just be noticing it more because of the circumstances we are in.

The solicitor that I am seeing next Thursday is not the same solicitor that I saw before. I was getting fed up with chasing her up & not getting anywhere.
The solicitor I am seeing next week was one of the solicitors on the list from the CAB & I have been told that they will give me the first 30 minutes for £30.

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No worries, tyedye. So long as you are okay.

Hope you are okay Lemmingswife, am thinking of you .

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I received your mail tyedye. I haven't got round to replying yet, as I was out last night & have been at work today, but will mail you back when I get a chance.
Hope you are okay.
Hi, crazydazy.

How are things LW? Any news on whether h is definitely going on Saturday?

Hi, CQ.
Well, I am not so sure at all that Saturday will be the day now, as he is going on about wanting to get his nights (next Mon, tues, Weds) out of the way first!!!
He has said he wants me to get all his clothes out of the washing basket in preperation though.
Getting very fed up now.
Had first viewers for house yesterday.

LW, I assume this means literally extracting dirty clothes from washing basket and putting them in a pile for HIM to deal with ...

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Why can't he get his clothes out of laundry basket himself? Does he not know where it is

essbee is right... something needs to be sorted ot. Its not fair on DSs to keep this awfull situation going like this

Send him a solicitors letter which is very neutral but simply states that you can no longer tolerate the current set up and are asking him to leave. ASk your solicitor to set a date and to say you will be requiring sole use of the Family home.

Good point, spangles!
He said to me this afternoon "I want you to go through the washing baskets & remove all my clothes, so that I can get them ready for my move"
I asked when this move was going to be happening & he said "I want to get my nights done first, so it will probably be next week"

I don't want to make him mad, but I cannot go on like this much longer.

Seeing solicitor on Thursday, GF.

LW, I would probably divorce my dh if the WORST thing he had said to me was "I want you go to through the laundry baskets and get my clothes out" - er, what, are you physically unable to lift the lid and put your hand in, or what?!

I'm afraid he really isn't going to go until you force him. I know you don't want to antagonise him, but you clearly understand that the current situation cannot continue.

See things like this slip me by. I am so stupid, that I just accept that I should remove his clothes from the washing basket for him, in order for him to move on.

No you are not stupid LW not at all! This is not you at fault but him. What you ened to do is break the pattern. You are now in a pattern of behaviour he knows and controls and it is time you broke it. By asserting your rights and telling him when he is moving out you are breaking his pattern. You have told him it was over and that broke a pattern, you have stuck to it but now he is playing you along again and you need to stop him from doing this.

I know it is hard and I know it is scarey but believe me that being firm may have better results than you think!

He is still playing games isn't he?
I will leave his clothes in the basket & he can sort them himself.
Can't believe how stupid I am at times!

Have HV coming round to visit me tomorrow pm.

x posted with you, GF.
I know that I need to get firmer & stronger & far less friggin naive & stupid!!