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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My marraige is over...

1065 replies

Lemmingswife · 08/06/2006 22:56

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.Sad

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Lemmingswife · 24/06/2006 21:37

Oh dear, Beety. Poor you.

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tyedye · 24/06/2006 21:40

Message withdrawn

Lemmingswife · 24/06/2006 21:42

I know the feeling well, tyedye. It is horrible isn't it?
I hope all is okay with you.

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Lemmingswife · 24/06/2006 21:50

Hope your DS calms down, beety.
I think all 12 year olds yell that they hate their parents from time to time. They obviously don't mean it, but it must be pretty horrible for you.

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QueenBeety · 24/06/2006 21:54

he just came down adn asked for a hug and a kiss....bless him...

tyedye · 24/06/2006 21:55

Message withdrawn

Lemmingswife · 24/06/2006 21:59

Oh bless him. Glad things have calmed down, beety.

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Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 09:35

He rolled in very late & very drunk last night.
He is going out with his friends to watch the football today & has told me he will probably move in with his friend next week.

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Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 09:53

I am not holding my breath!

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glitterfairy · 25/06/2006 09:53

Good! I woudl still get your solicitor to send the letter LW just to ensure he has properly agreed and you are on a fimr footing staying at the house.

Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 09:58

You think I should get solicitor to write a letter even if he does move out, GF?
I

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Smellen · 25/06/2006 09:58

Totally agree with you tyedye and LW that emotional abuse is at least as damaging as physical. And I would imagine that often it is a precursor. By the time I left my 'D'H I was wishing he would hit me, simply because it would have been a concrete example of abuse, something which I could label as such and use to justify my decision to leave. However, I also knew in my heart that the sorts of behaviour he had exhibited towards me during our relationship were a form of abuse, and it was not the way I wanted to live my life.

In my head I remembered being a feisty young eighteen year old who had sworn that she would never be under anyone's thumb. And yet that was exactly where I found myself ten years later. I imagined being an old lady looking back on a wasted, unhappy life - and knew I had to do something to stop that happening.

After I left, I was able to take time to really reflect on what had happened, and how the pattern of abusive behaviour had been established fairly early on in the relationship. I think often there are alarm bells that ring faintly somewhere in these cases (although I have heard of a woman whose partner was sweetness and light before the wedding, but made her sleep on the floor on their wedding night ). Often we choose to give the person another chance because we have fallen in love, and I guess some people have fairly low self esteem because of other factors in their life. Others grew up watching their own parents be cruel to each other and think it's normal. For whatever reason a person chooses to stay in such a relationship, the abuse often worses. But each time it happens it wears away at your idea of what is acceptable.

Emotional abuse is insidious and hard to define, but you know what it's like when you feel physically sick in the pit of the stomach because you know your partner is going to go off on one because... well, usually because of the most mundane, normal events, e.g. a lost wallet, a prang in the car, a meal that has 'gone wrong'.

Keep strong LW. Try not to doubt your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Enjoy your Sunday.

Smellen · 25/06/2006 09:59

Agree with GF. Keep everything as business-like and legal as possible. This is a man who has controlled you for years. He is not going to change overnight.

tyedye · 25/06/2006 10:10

Message withdrawn

Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 10:20

Thanks for your post, smellen. Again you are spot on in your descriptions. I could really identify with everything you said there, especially the bit about panicking about mundane things & how you can feel sick to your stomach because you know they are going to go off on one.
I remember panicking once because he asked me to go & get some fruit or something while we were shopping & to be quick, but on the way to the fruit section I was stopped by someone I knew. I spoke to them very very briefly as I knew I would get into trouble for being too long...and I did!
I accepted a lot because some of the ways he treated me were very similar to how I was treated by my parents, so kind of became the norm.
I had the hugest warning signs before I got married to him, but was silly enough to ignore them & think all would be ok.
He blames the fact that he is controlling on the fact he had no control of the bad things that happened to him as a child.
He has gone to find a launderette now, as he doesn't want to be having to use his friends washing machine. He said that plan b is to take his washing to his Mum's but he doesn't want to tell her what is happening yet, as she will be devastated & he can't cope with that as well atm.

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Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 10:21

I will try & text you in a bit then, tyedye.
Are you okay this morning?

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Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 10:47

He has found out that he can have his washing done at the launderette for £7.50!
He has gone to his friends now & has told me that he gets depressed driving his car into our street. Don't know why this moving out thing is dragging so much.

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fattiemumma · 25/06/2006 10:59

becasue its a form of controll. by leaving he is giving up a lot of control over you and he doesnt want to do that.

I have just ben catching up with this thread as i havent been here a lot recently and just want to send some huge hugs to you all. im not a very huggy person but have been sitting here nodding away to eveyrthing you have all said.

its strange that when your in a relationship like this you feel s alone, yet i sit here on MN now a year later and there are so many of you who seem to have lived parallel lives to me!

i have just got xp's statment to the court and he has still managed to get tome there...insults hidden in the reports (im overwieght) and lies after lies. the thing is, for a few hours after reading it....and hearing his voice screaming from the page....i honestly felt there was no point. he would win.
even after a year he still knows which buttons to press to make me feel like a snivveling wreck.

thankfully i have now regained my self esteem and realise this is justhim trying to manipulate me the way he used to...and i wont let him anymore.

you are all being incredibly brave and youwill come out the other end of this so much stronger.

OOH and a quick tip for when he comes home and finds you on MN. when you sign in have a back up page.....i dunno, womens weekly or something that is compleytly neutral....open that in the task bar at the bottom so if he comes in you just close mn and up pops the neutral page.
that way you wont look like your hiding something from him. as you would if you quickly tried to get off the pc and shut eveything down.

tyedye · 25/06/2006 11:01

Message withdrawn

Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 11:10

Thanks, FM.
I am glad that things are better for you now & that you have regained some of your self esteem.
I know I am doing the right thing here & still feel very head strong about this, but am finding this bit so horribly hard. I have never felt so low & alone.
I guess things will start to get better slowly.

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glitterfairy · 25/06/2006 11:23

FM the fat thing was one of my Xs weapons he used to call me a big fat slug! And LW I so remember horrid shopping trips where he would shout at me in full hearing of our kids for not getting the value option.

I think the reasons we accept this behaviour are complex and I agree with others that it usually creeps up on you. Apparently my X is no longer like that with his new woman in any case it was all my fault!

Business like is so important LW because as FM has said it doesnt stop when they leave they keep up the manipulative behaviour through the court process! Mine is constantly amazing my solicitor and barrister with the lengths he will go to and like FM I often feel he will win adn take my kids and everything but I try to keep strong.

As I said though get it right from the start and show him you will not be pushed around legally either. Get that letter sent whether he moves or not setting out the arrangements you want in place including asking for his proposals for finance and seeing the kids. That is the only way you will be able to have evidence in court that he has towed the line or not!

fattiemumma · 25/06/2006 11:31

i got a missed messenger tyedye...is that what you meant? sorry i havent ben on here much lately, i have been so stressed with all this court rubbish i havent dared post too much in case i get all agressive on some poor unsuspecting newbie.

GF is right, you need to instruct sollicitors right from the begining...i didn't - to my cost!
as soon as you get one theywill be writting to him and making records of everything. that way if it all ends happily with no trouble then great...if he does become the man you know he is then they wil be invaluable in the long term.

Get everything written and signed preferably by the solicitor.

i am getting things back together. its a very slow process and i often have moments where i just panic....no real reason it just suddenly hits me that i really am doing it on my own and surviving. but then i panic that he will gain some control over me again.
I dont think there has been a single post here that hasn't made sense. everything your feeling is normal under the circumstances and please take strength in the fact that...despite geography...your not alone.

Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 11:32

Thanks for the advice, GF. I will enquire about getting a letter sent out.

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glitterfairy · 25/06/2006 11:44

Oh FM I am so with you and going through my own court hell as well. I cannot post about it which I usde to and it makes me worse not being able to talk openly about it. I am really thinking of you. There is a whole sectino in the literature on abusive relationships about people who use the legal system to stop their x partners moving on and I think some people will do almost anythign and go to almost any lengths to hurt their xs.

LW do it Monday!

Lemmingswife · 25/06/2006 14:34

Sorry to hear you are having a court nightmare, FM. Hope all ends up okay for you.
GF, I will chase up solicitors tomorrow after work.
Went to visit my Nan earlier & my Mum was there. She tried to make me feel bad by saying that my boys are going to be these children that don't have a Dad.
I told her they will still have their Dad & she just went "Hmmmm"
She also thinks it is just terrible of me that I am not going to continue to do his washing when he leaves, as after all - he is still being good enough to pay the mortgage.
Came home & spotted a missed text on my mobile from H saying "I love you so much"
Am very tearful now. This is all so horrible.

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