My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

You could be very right there, Blu. I have told him that I find it hard having him around the house, but up until yesterday, I thought he was leaving today.
I will have to start getting tougher. He has got it made atm.
My Mum has actually taken the boys to her house for an hour, which is a first!
She is still not accepting how serious all this is, as when I told her that he is going to a friend of a friends wedding reception tonight, she asked why I wasn't going with him!!
I have given up trying to talk to my parents about all this, as they are not prepared to listen.

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They are not at all happy that we are seperating & my Dad has tried to threaten me to make my marriage work or risk losing him as well if I don't.
They think I am terrible for not trying harder, even though I have tried to explain that I have tried & tried over the years.
My Dad also has temper problems & they think that because they stayed together for the sake of their children, that we should too!
I think they are under this illusion that if we try & carry on as normal & do things as a couple, that all will turn out ok in the end.
This is obviously FAR from the case & the reason I am trying to communicate as little as possible with them about this now.

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Yes, you are making perfect sense & I am aware of that fact. I tried to explain to my Dad that I was thinking of the children & that they played a huge part in my decision, but he was not going to have any of it & told me I was just being selfish.

My Dad & H get on very well and Dad is very cross that I am leaving H.
Both my parents feel sorry for my H, but have given me very little support.

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LW, has he said when he is leaving?

Oh no, I hope things are ok, tyedye.

I have been to the castle with the boys this afternoon & have just come home.
I told him that I am hating having him still in the home & it is making it all harder.
He said "I know it is - you are not the only one it is hard for, but what do you expect me to do?"
I told him that I felt it would be better all round if he didn't delay moving out & he told me that he would be out soon & may be able to take some more time off work next week to make the move, but that we really need to get this house sold, as he doesn't want to be living with his friend forever & wants his own place.
He said that I was to remember that this was my decision (to seperate), but that this was no longer the case as he wants it all out of the way now.???
To me it seems he is still trying to hold the reins here.
This is horrible.

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Get your solicitor to write to him LW saying that you want him out of the house and that you would like his agreement to you having sole tenancy with the children. Also get her to send him a break of tenancy agreement and change your will whilst you are at it.

I wrote to my X twice before he did anythign adn the second time I had to send a deadline before he would respond. He refused to see anyone and refused to deal with the issues. My solicitor was pulling her hair out and so in the end I changed to someone more aggressive in order to get my point across more forcefully.

He has just come out with something about taking next Saturday off work & maybe moving out then.
I said to him "You are spending 90% of the time with this friend as it is anyway"
He responded by saying "Well he is my friend. Do you have some kind of a problem with that?"
I told him that I wasn't saying I had a problem, but was stating that he is with him all the time, so what huge difference will it make if he moves in with him?"
He thinks he is doing the best thing by getting out of the house as much as he can, but that is not the best thing, as he is treating our house like a hotel, which he uses to pop back & forth and sleep in.
He claims to have been feeling sick all afternoon, due to worrying about me.
I am not so sure. I feel he may be trying to play games here.
If he doesn't start making moves to move out, I will get the solicitor to write a letter, GF. Thanks for the info.

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I don't feel too strong atm, tyedye!

Oh LW - he is getting all "mind gamey" and controlling - you must see solicitor - i really dont think that it is in your interest to sell the house yet. My DH said that you are entitled LEGALLY to carry on living with your boys in the style that you have become acostomed to. Your H KNOWS this and he is thinking that if he can rush the house sale etc while he is still living with you that he will get his own way etc. Is he seeing a solicitor???? I think a letter to him from your solicitor would be a fantastic idea.
BTW he is saying that it is your idea that you seperate so that he can act like the victim when this all goes to court. What an Fing coward - when is he going to take responsibility for his own actions AND his kids!!!!
P.S thanks for your support at the baby sale today

I don't think he has seen a solicitor yet, Tess, but he may have done & kept it quiet.
I am going to keep chasing up my solicitor & hope to go back next week some time if poss.
He says he takes 95% of the blame for the seperation, but then came out with the remember it was your decision line.
There is no way I would be able to stay in this house for long. My old one maybe, but I am out of my depth here.
Have you recovered from the disasterous table sale??!

He has gone out for the night now.

Take no notice at all of his feeling sick with worry about you!
Remember any other incidents in your life when people pretended that what you were doing was making them ill?
Classic manipulation.

He is messing about, isn't he?

You should stay in the house until ALL the financial Sh*t is sorted - selling the house before this puts you in a weaker position i think - you are strong Nik -{i will come round and help you hoover and dust
Yes have recovered from this morning - was knackered all afternoon though!!

Oh God - YES, Blu!!!

you know when our boys say that they feel sick to get out of doing something they dont want to do?????? BIG KID we are dealing with here!! Do you think he could bribe him with Haribo to get him to move out ?????????

that should say "do you think YOU could bribe him ...." (had two glasses of wine - sorry)