My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

accepting!! Jez, I am all over the place today!

Oh dear.

I think you need to start getting your evidence together in case you end up actually needing to take steps to get him out.

I have it on good authority that emotional abuse can be accepted as domestic violence but you need to have strong medical evidence of the effect it has had on you. Now in your case, given what I know of the history, I don't think you would have any trouble getting that evidence, would you, from HV etc. I think that you need to go back to solicitor, tell her (if you haven't already) about the emotional abuse and the medical effects it has had on you and basically start preparing for the worst. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and too blunt but I'm worried about you and worried that he's going to muck you about.

It doesn't sound too harsh, dino. I am a little concerned that he may start to mess me around, as he seems to have almost accepted it all so easily & is being weirdly reasonable.
Maybe this is a ploy to try & get me to change my mind.
I don't know, I could be way off the mark here, but I know what he can be like.
When DS2 was a baby, things were very very bad & one day after I tried to stand up to him, he screamed that he was leaving. I responded by saying "Good"
He went upstairs, threw all his clothes all over the bad & then just lay there. He never left.
I know this is different, but I am still a little cautious, as I know him too well.
I briefed my solicitor on my situation & that I had both a HV & SW involved, but didn't go into masses of detail.
She said that I could divorce him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.
I will tell her more when I see her next & find out what I can do if he starts getting difficult.

I think you need to ask her a slightly different question which is whether you could actually get an injunction to make him leave the house on the grounds of emotional abuse amounting to domestic violence.

sounds to me like he is stalling... did he ever intend to move out... after all as he said himself "he's all talk". Dino is right, you need to find out if you can get him out of the house just in case he refuses to leave.

Thanks, dino. I will ask her about that when I see her.
I am hoping I don't end up with a fight on my hands here.
I thought he accepted it so well, as he had been expecting it for a long time, but I am now starting to have my doubts about it & fear he is playing a bit of a game.
As I say, I could be way off the mark here & all may be fine. I am on my guard though & will have a word with the solicitor about getting him to leave the house.

8th July is a whole 3 blimmin weeks away! Even if he really does go then, another 3 weeks of this hell will send me insane!

No it's not, it's only 2 weeks - but still!!

It is driving me insane, FOTM. It has been two weeks since the decision was made & it seems like a lifetime, as it has just been the most stressful time ever. The thought of another 2 weeks of this is awful.
I am still not sleeping well & feel I am losing the plot! I really hope he doesn't start messing me about, but I wouldn't put it past him.

I guess it is another control thing.

It's like cat and mouse, isn't it?
When is he back at work?

I must say it all sounds like excuses and prevarication 'time to get used to being back at work' - surely this time off work is so that he can do the nasty upsetting things, i.e moving out!!

That sounds about right, blu. hang in there lw. You will get him out by hook or by crook. Hope the solicitor can help- I think dino is right about gathering proper evidence being the key so that you can force him out if necessary.

He goes back to work on Monday morning. He had a whole two weeks off work following all this & yes, you would have thought that was the perfect time to do all the nasties & get used to them...but no!
I do feel he is stalling now & it is worrying.
He has now taken the boys to his friends house, so I have time on my own before I go out tonight. Bliss!

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Hi, tyedye, how are you?
9 months of this with your ex?? That sounds like a real nightmare!!!
Are you ok today?

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Poor you. You don't need a war with your ex on top of everything right now.
Is your not so dp behaving atm?

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I know the feeling, believe me!!
Glad to hear things are calmish for you atm, I hope they stay that way for a while.
My H is on his best behaviour atm (as he would be in the circs), but still managed to have a little tantrum about not being able to find his sunglasses earlier!
My H, like your P, doesn't think much of me going on MN. A few weeks before our marraiage ending talk, he told me that if he knew what a freak I was going to become, he would never have married me!! This freakness was all because I come on here!

Ohps, got carried away with my a's while typing marriage there. My typing has gone right to pot today - even more so than normal!

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Should have gone on MN years ago, as he claims he wouldn't have married me!!!
Am going to go & have a bath & get ready to go out now. Hope tonight is calm for you, tyedye.
Take care.