My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

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You're no fool, LW, blimmin or otherwise!
his is complicated stuff - it's really hard coming at spomething new when your mind - as you said the other day - feels as if someone has scribbled all over it.

You're doing very well.

Get back to the solicitor, get her take on Legal Aid, and on whether you can go ahead with the house sale (if it is what you want to do), or whether it will be better to hang on a bit. Get answers to the questions that have been raised by the people in the know on this thread.

You're doing well.

I am not sure about doing well, Blu, I feel I am very naive right now.
Will get back to my solicitor ASAP.
Have no experience of all this, it is very new to me. I will try & seek more info though.

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Will be going back this week, essbee.

LW most of us have made countless mistakes here we are most of us doing this for the first time and like parenting there is no manual! the main thing is to get a really good solicitor and proper advice.

Not sure whether to see a second solicitor, GF. Would it be useful to get another solicitors opinion?
Am very naive to all this financial side of things, as I am sure you can all tell!

I think a second opinion would be useful, LW. Don't worry about being naive about the financial side of things, but also don't agree to anything until you are confident you do understand all the implications.

I've never read it, but I hear the Which Guide to Divorce is very good. (Must now tell dh why I have just done an Amazon search on a book on divorce! Would be most unfortunate if he stumbled on that!)

Would Tessiebear or anyone local be able to recommend a good firm?

Thanks for the link, tribpot!
Don't think any of my friends have been through anything like this recently, so wouldn't know much about local solicitors.
I think trying the CAB may be a good idea.

Have you been in touch with your local women's aid group? They may be able to recommend a solicitor who is used to dealing with victims of abuse and be well aware of the tactics employed by the abuser.

No, hadn't thought of womans aid, Freckle.

CAB can give you details of local solicitors but they won't be able to give recommendations.

That is why I love this site.

He won't change LW, just because you have decided to do this, he will not change his behaviour, it is ingrained.

He will continue, to F**k with your head, there will be times he won't even know he is doing it.

Take anything he says with a pinch of salt.

Stay strong.

Thanks for that info, Freckle,
LGJ, I am trying to stay strong. Yesterday I was not emotionally very strong, but I feel quite head strong still.

I think you are bloody amazing tbh.

Ahhh, thanks, LGJ.

Have felt better for being back at work today. Yesterday was a real tough day for me emotionally.
LGJ, you wouldn't think I was coping well if you saw my ironing pile atm! Things like that have kind of gone to pot & my children have had far more frozen type meals than normal. Bad Mummy!

You're not a bad mummy. Frozen meals won't kill them, you know! And my dd frequently goes out in unironed clothes and I'm not mid-divorce

Ha ha LW, only you would define 'not coping' as 'being behind in the ironing' - for the rest of us that is just a normal state of affairs! (Actually I'm not behind in my ironing, it is merely waiting for my cleaning lady to come and do it for me).

I am not just a BIT behind, I am LOTS behind! It is all hidden away in my airing cupboard & I have closed the door on it. If I open that door it will all fall on top of me - there is LOADS!!!
Oh well...at least the washing is still getting done!

Yes, this still sounds perfectly normal to me. Washing is important, ironing is merely an optional extra!

That's okay then - I don't feel quite so bad now! I may delve into some of it tomorrow!
The boys have microwaved jacket potatoes with baked beans & grated cheese tonight. Does that nearly count as a balanced meal??!

Should say "The boys have had jacket potatoes!"

I need an ironing lady!!!