My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Sorry, yes, I typed it wrongly. However, I still think a 60/40 split might not be the best LW can get. Bear in mind that she will have to house not only herself but also the boys, and on a lower salary than H. I have seen cases where the wife was awarded all the equity and maintenance for the children. I am just a little concerned that LW seems to be taking advice from her HV who may have little or no understanding of the legal situation.

When I type HV, I mean health visitor, yes.
I did discuss the house sale with my solicitor too & she said that if I was in a smaller house, or moved with H into a smaller house (not going to happen) it would be best to stay put, but as this is a larger house with a high mortgage it would need to be sold at some point, as I couldn't cope with the payments.
When she discussed the 60/40 thing, she was saying that because H earned far more money than me, the courts may split the house 60/40 in my favour.

The 60/40 info came from my solicitor, not my HV.
Do you think I should go & see another one?

I agree with your solicitor about the house being sold. However, her estimation of a 60/40 split is without having had full disclosure of H's financial situation. Once she has seen all the financial information, she may revise that estimation. However, if you have already sold the house and shared out the equity, it may be too late to try for a more favourable split.

I showed her both his wage slip & mine.

Does he have any savings? What about his pension? What other assets does he have? Full financial disclosure involves a lot more than just seeing both wage slips.

Obviously you have just seen a solicitor for initial advice and she has advised based on the information supplied so far. However, if you are going to proceed with a divorce, a lot more information will become available and her advice might then change.

He does have savings & a pension.
I will be going back there to let her know of my next moves, sometime this week.
Do you think I should stick with this solicitor, or get a second opinion from another one?

I can't comment on your solicitor. As I said, she has given initial advice based on the information you were able to give her at the time. That advice may change when she has more information.

How do you feel about her? Do you feel comfortable with her? Was she recommended?

No, she wasn't recommended.
I went on a mission on that Tuesday to find a solicitor. I tried the CAB first, but they were closed, so walked through the town until I found a solicitors that cover family matters.
I felt comfortable enough with her, but a couple of people have advised me to go to a couple & compare.
She mentioned something about mediation???
I am not very up on the legal side of things.

The courts like to see that couples have tried to sort things out amicably so mediation is often suggested as a first step. However, it is not free and, if it doesn't work, then you are out of pocket and no further on. Also, you may have to attend mediation with H and, given what you've posted about him, he can either be very charming (which means he may get his way regarding finances) or controlling (which means the same thing). If you are seeking legal aid, agreeing to attend mediation first is a pre-requisite.

Oh right, thanks for letting me know, Freckle.
Right now, he is making out he will look after me & the boys & give us all he can. I guess it is best I am on guard here though.

I think that getting legal advice is an essential first step before going to mediation.

Thanks, dino.
Best I get back to the solicitors pronto.

He has gone out again, but knowing how upset I am, he has phoned to check I am okay.
Odd as it sounds, I could do without him being so nice atm, as it upsets me more.
I know I am doing the right thing here, but I don't feel I am coping very well today.

LW I have legal aid and I did not have to go to mediation because of the violence so see if that is the same in your case.

60/40 doesnt sound right to me. My brother was married for years and had a higher income no kids but the split was 70/30 even so. You can take a higher split in lieu of maintanence as well dont forget a capital lump sum may suit you better but take your solicitors advice. The finances can get really complicated. I cannot tell you about mine here but email me and I can let you know how it is going.

Freckle has helped me enormously over the legal stuff and her advice is always sound!

Wow, 70/30 & no kids!
Freckle certainly seems to know her stuff regarding the financial aspects. I will phone/walk into solicitors, hopefully tomorrow & ask for another appt.
H is under the impression that I will have to rent, as I will not afford a house with our equity.

Precsiely why you need good advice. If there is so little equity and you have the kids the division is according to need and you need re housing not your H.

Yes, she told me that the courts priority is always the children & she also said that if they have always been in bought property, they don't tend to expect you to then have to rent.
I guess renting wouldn't be a problem as such, but I need to gather more info.

Well said smellen.

Oh LW it's so complicated isn't it . Glad that Freckle has found this thread. I think there is no alternative but to dig up as much financial info about H's savings, pension etc as you can, photocopy it and take it to your solicitor. If you're not happy with what she says, or you think it is not consistent with what Freckle has said, then we'll have to pool our collective knowledge in order to get you a better solicitor.

I dont want to say too much on here either BUT Freckle is sooo right (as usual)

you are entitled to at least 70/30; if you own the house, you can stay there til youngest is 16/18 OR your circumstances change. Cant be forced to sell house if yuou cant BOTH afford a new house each out the equity.

we are going throuhg mediation cos cheaper than solicitors and tehy have to give full disclosure at mediation

detinitelyt get more advice and DONT GIVE IN

Thanks for advice & sorry for being such a blimmin fool about all this financial stuff.

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