My marraige is over...

[Lemmingswife]

I know it is for the best, but I am hurting really bad atm & keep thinking of my poor babies.

Yes I have told my mum. She has even heard him being very scary while she was on the other end of the phone & I was in tears.

She has also HEARD him going OTT at the boys & says things like "Don't do that, you might get into trouble with Daddy" when they are doing something they shouldn't.
She knows about the occasion when DS1 was told to stay in his room all day, because I went against H & allowed him out of his room & then allowed him to go to the cinema with her.
I was in BIG trouble for that one.
They just want to brush it all under the carpet.

It is very hurtful, GF. This morning I dropped Dad's Father's Day bits round & he grunted something along the lines of "You two are not making this a very good Father's Day for me"
I just feel so horrible atm. I am sad because I am losing my husband & on top of it all I seem to be upsetting everyone around me.
I am hating this horrible time in my life.

LW when you start to break out of the mould that hs been made for you you find who your real friends are. I have found that I have upset huge amounts of people but the ones who really love me have supported me without hesitation or criticism. Critical love is not really proper love but we get used to it. It still hurts and especially at a time when you are vulnerable and lonely and when the usual support mechanisms are not working.

I cant really give any proper advice except it will get better (although I got sick of hearing this) and you will come through this better adn stronger but very very different adn change is always painful!

It is very painful, GF. Today has been one of my low days I am afraid.
I feel a bad person who is upsetting all those close to me. I am also struggling to deal with it all myself.
The whole Father's Day bit has made it harder today.

It is bound to upset them. Up to now you have done whatever they said, maybe in a grumpy way but you have gone along with the status quo. Now you are rocking the boat and they are getting annoyed. You are changing your world and theirs as well and they cant cope with the new you. Like any change it will take time and constant re stating of your new boundaries!

It is a little like kids imo when you want to try something different they resist but after a while they get used to it.

You will have down days and special days like today are bound to get you but just plan that next fathers day will be different and you will be doing whole new things.

H says he wants to be gone before he goes back to work next Monday. He is talking about moving in with his friend on Saturday. I am dreading informing my parents.

Estate agents coming round on Tuesday.

Your parents are just UNREAL!!! They are not the ones who have to live your life - they just want to be able to say to everyone that both their daughters are happily married. I would be tempted to tell them EVERYTHING!! if they still reacted like they are doing then they are truly awful parents and you are well rid!!!!!
But we have to remember that these are the same parents that IGNORED their daughter when one of their friends was behaving in a despicable way (i am sure you know what i mean)

Why inform them at all, LW? They will find out soon enough, perhaps through the medium of hair stroking Joking aside of course, you need to prepare your sons for this, and yourself. It will be brutally hard, but it has to happen. Your parents are just an irrelevance, as GF says. I seriously wouldn't tell them. Try not to worry about their reaction. They don't have your best interests at heart, I actually can't believe you bought your arse of a father anything for Father's Day today. Somehow (and I don't know how) I think you need to let them go.

Should tell your parents that your kids are the REASON that you are splitting up - for their sanity as well as yours.

totally agree with TP - you have got to rid yourelf of this hold that they seem to have - i have done it with my dad - it is such an uplifting feeling to say to yourself "nothing they do or say will have any consequence or relevence to my life"

I do know what you mean, Tess - their pervert friend. They ignored that one for 17 years!
Do you still want us to invade you tomorrow??

You have done this with your Dad, Tess??!

Looking forward to seeing you all 2morrow! Any time after school - will feed the kids
Will tell you about me and my dad tommorow night!

Tribpot, I know I have to inform DS's soon. This is the bit I am really dreading.

Okay, Tess. Look forward to seeing you.

My Mum has already muttered something along the lines of how I should be the one to have to move out if anyone, as H pays the mortgage!

LW they may surprise you. Mine were upset but actually thought the house was so much better without their dad! Calmer and although I cried a lot they ahd much more fun with me and still do. I am not sure 8 months on that they would go back to having him here.

Are you going to tell them together?

Yes I will try to tell them together. DS2 is only just 3, so I am not sure how much he will actually understand.

My parents will find out soon enough. My Mum often pops round to see boys & will ask where H is.
She thinks I am the bad one here. I have told her stacks about the problems with H & how I felt scared of him & she just shrugs it away saying that my Dad had a worse temper & she has stayed with him.

This is all hitting me horribly tonight. I keep getting all tearful.