Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
   
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
   
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
   
4. Trust your gut instinct;
   
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
   
6. They should be trying to impress you
   
7. If it's not fun, stop

[Bant]

I cringe at poor grammar and spelling too, but the two women who I have the strongest connection with recently are mermaid, who uses multiple LOLs and !!!!, and FrenchGirl whose English is good but there are loads of mistakes. And as oww says, if you net someone wonderful in RL you'd overlook little flaws once you been impressed by them in person.

LOLs or bad grammar don't mean someone is wrong for you. I know lots of people with perfect grammar who are mindnumbingly dull in person

[OhWesternWind]

The real-life blind date could be a bit awkward if you don't get on, Scrazy if you have friends keep asking and poking their noses in. What happened with the PoF guy last time round?

Actually, now my dd is on e-mail and texting I have a lot higher tolerance for all sorts of silly texting abbreviations and nonsense, although I do take the mickey out of her when it all gets too stereotypically teenage. I say give the LOLers a chance, you never know.

[scrazy]

The odd lol doesn't bother me and you never know he might actually get you laughing out loud in real life.

The POF guy is going back nearly 3 yrs. We met once, then arranged a night out and I got stranded in his town, ended up staying the night, got slightly drunk and that was it. Except for the odd email and bit of chat over the years and noises about catching up. It was an instant attraction at the time but he just didn't get me the way I need. He is still on POF so I might say hello and see.

Moving, all this managing expectations etc. Are men that clever and contrived or is it just an instinct thing that they all follow a similar script. Just pondering.

Strong, agree far too early to be asking questions. If you don't want to be just a sex thing, then don't have sex. If that's all he wants he will show his true colours.

[JulietteMontague]

Dad Sometimes bad spelling doesn't mean much, it's more what they they are saying. Txt spk does erk me, and anyone using gonna/wonna at my age would raise an eyebrow. You'll see some barely intelligible posts on here from me as I'm very dyslexic and just can't see it.

Moving if it's not feeling good, you don't have to continue to accept it.

Scazy blind dates where friends are involved can be a little 'awkward', especially if the friends are there too [confusion]

[48howdidthathappen]

I'm not bothered about spelling or grammar, probably because I'm pretty crap myself. As long as the ability to communicate is there, I can't see a problem.

Mr R&R LOLs a bit, I never have. I am guilty of overuse of these Just helps with the context when texting.

[DadfromUncle]

I should probably say - I don't extend it (my chronic pedantry) to here (I was talking about POF profiles) and I 100% grant exemption for dyslexia, English not first Language and so on. I didn't mention Lol - I don't really mind that as long as it's not every second "word"
Bant " I know lots of people with perfect grammar who are mindnumbingly dull in person" er....I think that might be me.
OhWesternWind - allowing myself a LOL at "if it's got to the Craig David stage"

[JulietteMontague]

Ahem, it seems that is wanna. Says it all really

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

Wrt to only wanting sex - ime if you feel instinctively that he does - you're probably right .

[DadfromUncle]

Curse Vodafone - a txt from my Ma and from the disappearing woman from POF (both from Sunday) have just appeared on my phone.

[Djangounhinged]

Strong I agree with the others - is your date in a place where DTD would be able to happen? Could you change to a more public venue so it's off the menu? If he won't agree to that, you have your answer in any case and you can swiftly cut your losses. Hope he proves you wrong though!

I do use LOL from time to time, and too many smileys - all fine in context, I think. Spent a bit of time messaging a chap who typed heehee a lot. That was quite annoying good job he disappeared then

Scrazy re managing expectations - I don't think it's always so contrived, it's quite often sub-conscious. They're maybe testing whether you're still keen, wanting you to do all the chasing because they like the ego boost, staying in control by only replying when they see fit, not when it's good manners. They're just not that available, for whatever reason - insecurity, commitment-phobic, scared of rejection, etc.

[Bant]

Well I've asked Aruba to stop sending Craig David songs as I'm never going to like them. I did it politely and said sorry.

See this is a quandary. I know there are lots of comments on here about men who shag and run, those who are just looking for sex, and of course they're out there and you have to fine tune your radar and grow the thick skin.

I'm not one of them. I want a relationship, someone to see regularly, maybe at some point introduce to my DC, live with etc. And now I've done the deed with Aruba, she has become more annoying. Part of this may be my reaction to things she was doing before, some things (like lots of emails with music I don't like) are just getting more irritating as they go on longer. Some are new (asking me to dance for her and sing for her, which I would never dream of asking someone to do for me unless they sang in a band or something)

So how do I separate wanting to dump her because she's got more annoying, from wanting to dump her now we've DTD?

I wonder how much a woman's behaviour might change after DTD which itself puts a man off when, all other things being equal, he'd have remained interested?

[KinNora]

I think 'LOL' use has reached epidemic proportions, it pains me.
I'm currently trying to work through my pedantry.

[KinNora]

I have to say that I'm imagining Aruba dressed like a theatre impresario in a darkened Broadway theatre, cigar clamped between her teeth, 'Dance for me Bant, dance '

[lurkinglorna]

For OD, ideally I'm looking for something in between someone who uses very fancy, superfluous communication (translation: knobber in real life who thinks he's an intellectual of the highest calibre as he reads the Guardian, wears a tweed jacket, and goes to literary festivals) or is just completely inane (lol babez).

Just got two messages in my POF inbox. One is a bit too flowery and "trying to be eloquent" and looking at the profile, I think he's a bit "older unattractive man being pretentious".

Another one is of the "whatz up babe" category. I'll reply to neither. I'm looking for easy going and attractive and not thick, not someone who is convinced he is the local Stephen Fry.

[lurkinglorna]

Nora lol

[lurkinglorna]

(english is not my first language)

[KinNora]

Lol right back atcha Lorna

[OhWesternWind]

Bant I think the important thing is that you want to dump her. The fact that you've dtd does make it more awkward and I suppose she is likely to make the assumption that you're a shag-and-run merchant. Is this going to bother you?

To be fair, I have done this with Indie (after his drumming episode) and the Weekend Builder and I felt crap about it both times. After WB I decided I was going to take my time before going to bed with someone as for me it does complicate things if you're a bit unsure about the person.

For what it's worth, I think she'd have carried on with the music and would have asked you to sing regardless.

I wonder if you'd be better with a non-Hungarian next time. Not that there is anything wrong with Hungarians, but the dating culture there seems to be quite different to what we would expect here and that's going to throw up some mismatched expectations.

[JulietteMontague]

Bant thanks to Kin I'm now having flashbacks to this www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOQIMOcEVc4

Seriously, she annoys you you have nothing in common and although she's probably a nice person the only thing that really attracts you is that she is stunning. You kind of knew it before you dtd, but hoped for the best. You didn't persuade her it seemed very much her decision and she set it up. It's not a case of wanting to dump her now you've dtd, it's probably because dtd was like everything else with her, okish but with no connection.

[Snapespeare]

bant blimey, what a pickle. I think you just need to do the dumping as soon as possible and as delicately as possible, without mentioning that you odn't actually like her very much. Although it might be more pertinent to ask if your behaviour has changed after 'the deed' because she must have indicated that she was a secret-agenty craig david fan before under-garments were thrown to the four winds. has her behaviour really changed that much?

you haven't had the 'exclusive' conversation, which is good. Just be upfront in a 'it's not you, it's me' kind of way. I don't think it looks like a 'classic' case of shag and run, because you would have run a great deal sooner.

[KinNora]

What OWW and Juliette said ^^, plus it'll be far more upsetting for her if you end it after allowing a longer relationship to develop and the Craiiiiig David will have pushed you over the edge


(OWW - I'm currently heading back up t'north where everyone can say 'bath' properly)

[DadfromUncle]

lurkinglorna "I think he's a bit "older unattractive man being pretentious". Oh dear - I think you might have me bang to rights there - but still hope there's a market for me :-)

[DadfromUncle]

True natives of Bath (the place) say it properly i.e. with the short A

[Flipper934]

Just popping by to say a quick hello, and welcome to Dad and Ham.

I've completely shaken off my previous angsty-ness, having found out that I didn't misread any signals. I am quite happy with the situation in the neighbourhood now.

Date with Poshboy cancelled, due to the fact that I have male friends who may come to visit me, and he couldn't ever be ok with that.

Young man still texting, and chatting to a couple of others on OKC.

Snape, emotional pizza would melt me.

[Bant]

I'm a pretentious younger bloke, so I pronounce it 'jack-oo-zee'