Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Love the pizza idea snape!!!

T people will change their mind anyway, that's part of the problem with dating, the vanishers or mind-changers. Your DC is possibly just a convenient excuse.

T I'm sorry that the lad has put you into a tail spin about this. I'd try not to get hung up on it though. I think it's very likely he's using it as an excuse so saving you from wondering if you are "too into your career" or who the damn "complicated ex" that's suddenly sprung up is. Some people will be put off by children of any age, but these people are not goers anyway. Not because they are bad people but because they're just not smitten enough by your awesomeness to overlook it if it's a challenge for them. When the click is there though we all disregard things we'd rule out on paper. I say I wouldn't want to get involved with someone with kids, chances are I'll end up marrying Mr Von Trapp.

Alice I've never used POF so don't know the particular "joy" of the traffic on that site. But my take is that on most sites you do need to be proactive in terms of filtering people out, searching for likelys etc and it's just too hard to do that across multiple sites at once. Even on "slow" sites you can stack up several dates a week, and really there is a limit to how many any of us can fit in! Also there is the "freshness" factor. If you sign up to too many sites at once you can't debut yourself as the bright young thing on OKC when POF dries up etc.

Snape love the emotional pizza idea! I think few ideas are too daft though if the feeling will be reciprocated. And it totally will be.

I've had a message from someone who looks like LT, only shorter. I'm not replying as I don't like short men, I am shallow and will die alone

I think it's just a get-out, T as it sounds like your child care is great and that shouldn't have an impact on dating. People disappear or cool off for many, many reasons and it's pretty much par for the course. It still sucks, though.

Mine are late primary/early secondary. Alpha doesn't have any children and I don't know if that will make it easier or harder if we get to the meeting children stage. I know my dc will be relatively uninterested as they liked LM primarily because he has children around the same age with some great toys ... They weren't particularly interested in him one way or another once they'd got past the "Ooh mum's got a boyfriend" stage although they had lots to say/ask about his dc. Anyway that was a load of waffle - would delete it but a la WFF I CBA.

Snape lovely, just say it

Lorna I do like hearing about your adventures.

Nora so is old HotTub out of the picture then? And was it the spiv-iness (spivocity? spivdom? spivality?) of the bloke or the fact of the necklace that dealt the killer blow?

This has taken me so long to write that I bet there's another twenty posts I've missed!

Maybe I should reply, go on encourage me.

Just reply Scrazy. A message isn't legally binding.

Plus if you're otherwise keen it is a little offensive to rule him out on height alone.

Go for it Scrazy if he wrote a nice message - why not?

Done, I needed a bit of encouragement and he seems OK.

Can I join? Either my relationship is folding or I'm just waaaay too out if practice with this dating thing

OWW I think he has a look of the 'I'm mad me !' about him, the necklace put the tin lid on it an amateur psychologist might say that I'm looking for excuses not to like another man. Having said that his last text before I claimed to be going out was slightly bossy which made my ears prick up somewhat.

Hello - been lurking for ages - I am trying POF for the second time, much more interest than last time but that may be my shorter less rambling profile. Someone could surely do a whole sociological project on POF? I am amazed at some of the profiles and some things that happen Almost every woman on the site seems to have been sent several pics of bloke's tackle and the less forward ones seem to send pics of motorbikes or fishing rods - just what kind of odd world are we in?

Welcome Hamwidge, now what's your dilemma?

Does he have sideburns, Nora?

Hello Ham what's up?

Dad I've never been sent any of those types of pictures but there's always one, isn't there? I think PoF is fascinating, such an odd glimpse into people's minds. Can be very unsettling to realise what some people think is attractive on a profile/photo. Have you had any dates yet?

Urgh it's complicated. Met up with an ex from the past. Been dating a few months now. Just dating nothing much going on but he was a slow burner last time around so I kind of expected that. I get the feeling he is hedging his bets a bit with me until something else comes along. I'm a bit sad about this as he wasn't like that before. I don't have any evidence except he sort of blows hot and cold wrt contact. I phoned him up last week and asked him what was going on with us. He said he was interested c definitely and we made definite plans to see eachother next week. For a couple of days I felt great about that conversation but now I don't again. Also he sent me some texts the other day that were a bit suggestive - in some ways no harm as we had lots of sex in the past! But from experience with other blokes that says to me I've been re categorised as a potential random shag rather than serious relationship. Or he's just a bit bolder these days. I can't tell! It's so complicated as we were together before - if it was a new man I'd just take it a day at a time.

OWW No dates but several folk (well women actually) in touch already - and not the fake profiles of 18 year olds from Portugal which were all I got last time. I keep thinking it would be good to meet up with a woman from POF just to compare notes. I've only been on this time since the w/e. Already had a likely looking prospect who sent me her phone number (with an instruction not to text her back with a pic of my knob - oh no, do I look the type?) and has now gone dead. I am far, far more relaxed about it this time.

To T if she's still around - I have a different issue - I am 51 with a 5yo child who I see quite a lot of and is with me alternate w/ends - most women my age either have grown up kids or none - so don't assume there won't be any bloke who understands - we've all got stuff to cope with eh?

Ham what's changed in both of your lives to think it will go right when it went wrong last time? Given that you already have a past together, why do you think you've gone back to very casually seeing each other?

I think listen to your instincts. He's not giving you what you want.

Eugh, I've just looked at PoF. It's horrible! Without wishing to sound really offensive, why do people use it when there are other sites out there?

I've noticed this a few times, and it reminds me of one of the obvious differences between men and women in relationships.

There have been several times when mates have said 'She called me the other night, and wants to know where we're going - I said 'when?' and she said 'in general, you know, us''

A lot of men once they're going out with someone just are quite happy to go bobbing along without any need to get to any specific destination at any particular time. It'll happen, or it won't. Talking about it doesn't do much good apart from potentially causing an argument.

Men are often happy to just be in a relationship of some sort without any goal. Why do women need to classify what stage things are at? Is it just that they want to know if the man sees a future?

I'm not asking in an accusatory way, at all, and it's not all women or all men - just a trend I've noticed.

OWW Profile pics - (I've only looked at the women). If your cleavage is really the thing you most want to show off, but you aren't just looking for a quick grapple, I'm seeing some mixed messages - don't get me wrong, I do like a good cleavage, but can we save something for my imagination?
Pics of you with all your extended family/pissed up friends etc - great, but if I have to figure out which is you, I think you might be missing the point of online dating a bit. One I've seen is the woman and her friend with the Mayor (who is a bloke). On the gallery view, you only see this bloke dressed up in mayoral regalia.

Hello Ham, and Dad

Ham I agree with Stranger, trust your instincts - I suspect you know he's back on different terms this time, so you can either front him up about it, or carry on - but only if it suits you.

Dad, I've never had an unsolicited nob pic from a dating site either! But then, I live in a very conservative (with a small c) part of the country. Getting any type of response is tricky!!

Is that to Ham Bant? I suspect though that what is making her sad isn't that they're bobbing along but that he seems to be blowing hot and cold.

I agree with you to an extent though. I don't think I've ever had an explicit "what stage are we at" conversation apart from clarifying it's the breaking up stage. It's always been fairly obvious. Although as age sets in I can actually see myself having a conversation with someone about the big scary future stuff. I think women just have more awareness of time being important! In a sense it is very selfish if you were dating say a 35 year old to bob along without any goal, especially if that really, truly translates as "no future". Assuming she wants the babies malarky.

ALittleStranger I use it cos it's free. Interestingly, there was a documentary on last night (Panorama) that suggested that nearly all, if not all the paid sites use fake profiles and underhand tactics to maximise their income - no danger of that if it's free. Interested why you think it's horrible (not having a go in any way - genuinely interested).